It is possible to transform the feeling of helplessness

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Avatar for jaydatodid
1 year ago

Not having the chance to make a decision, not having a choice or being forced to make a choice. If you have experienced these, how did or do they make you feel? Are there people in your life that you have to do whatever they want without question, that make you feel that way and that you feel helpless around? In fact, the feeling that someone evokes in us at a moment that we have no control over can even make us feel like a hostage at that moment.

Neurologists summarize how 3 parts of the human brain influence behavior in unexpected situations: The reptilian brain is a part of the brain that causes us to react in a fight-or-flight psychology without reaching the emotional points of the brain, and is automatic and unable to learn from past mistakes. We can also think of it as a point that reptiles have in common with other living things.

The limbic system is the part we have in common with other mammals, which allows us to avoid pain and repeat things that give us pleasure. The neocortex, on the other hand, is a structure common only to some advanced animals (gorillas, chimpanzees, etc.), which enables the development of abstract thoughts and contains the left and right brain that we often hear about. The neocortex brakes us before we make a sudden reaction, allowing us to filter our reaction through a certain emotional and logical filter.

Which part of the brain we react with is very much related to our level of consciousness and intention at that moment. George Kohlrieser's book "Hostage at the Table", based on a real experience of being taken hostage, shows that even when you are really hostage, it is possible to get out of the situation with a small change in communication, by quickly rotating your response within yourself, when you focus and pay attention.

The less control you feel you have over a situation, the more it has the power to traumatize you. In learned helplessness, you may think that a situation has always and only happened to you. On the other hand, it shows that by thinking "I can transform", "I can turn the situation in my favor" and "I can control the situation" instead of being a hostage, we can send different signals to our brain and transform the situation.

When you ask the hostage-taker a question about his family, the criminal, who has never thought about the impact of killing a human being on his family's life, can suddenly hug you. Hohlrieser explains that by making an emotional connection, just by asking a question, your relationship with a person can improve.

Creating an atmosphere of trust, regular and frequent dialog, establishing a common goal together, and goodwill... In an environment where these things are together, it seems very unlikely that you will become a prisoner of either thoughts or people. Moreover, you don't need to spend hours and days to connect with someone, just one opportunity, maybe the impression you make at the first meeting or a small emotional connection that you establish by really understanding the other person in a relationship that has been going wrong for a very long time can completely change your fate in that relationship and your place in the other person.

I wish you a beautiful future where the moments you feel helpless will disappear...

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Avatar for jaydatodid
1 year ago