It is possible to transform the feeling of helplessness
Not having the chance to make a decision, not having a choice or being forced to make a choice. If you have experienced these, how did or do they make you feel? Are there people in your life that you have to do whatever they want without question, that make you feel that way and that you feel helpless around? In fact, the feeling that someone evokes in us at a moment that we have no control over can even make us feel like a hostage at that moment.
Neurologists summarize how 3 parts of the human brain influence behavior in unexpected situations: The reptilian brain is a part of the brain that causes us to react in a fight-or-flight psychology without reaching the emotional points of the brain, and is automatic and unable to learn from past mistakes. We can also think of it as a point that reptiles have in common with other living things.
The limbic system is the part we have in common with other mammals, which allows us to avoid pain and repeat things that give us pleasure. The neocortex, on the other hand, is a structure common only to some advanced animals (gorillas, chimpanzees, etc.), which enables the development of abstract thoughts and contains the left and right brain that we often hear about. The neocortex brakes us before we make a sudden reaction, allowing us to filter our reaction through a certain emotional and logical filter.
Which part of the brain we react with is very much related to our level of consciousness and intention at that moment. George Kohlrieser's book "Hostage at the Table", based on a real experience of being taken hostage, shows that even when you are really hostage, it is possible to get out of the situation with a small change in communication, by quickly rotating your response within yourself, when you focus and pay attention.
The less control you feel you have over a situation, the more it has the power to traumatize you. In learned helplessness, you may think that a situation has always and only happened to you. On the other hand, it shows that by thinking "I can transform", "I can turn the situation in my favor" and "I can control the situation" instead of being a hostage, we can send different signals to our brain and transform the situation.
When you ask the hostage-taker a question about his family, the criminal, who has never thought about the impact of killing a human being on his family's life, can suddenly hug you. Hohlrieser explains that by making an emotional connection, just by asking a question, your relationship with a person can improve.
Creating an atmosphere of trust, regular and frequent dialog, establishing a common goal together, and goodwill... In an environment where these things are together, it seems very unlikely that you will become a prisoner of either thoughts or people. Moreover, you don't need to spend hours and days to connect with someone, just one opportunity, maybe the impression you make at the first meeting or a small emotional connection that you establish by really understanding the other person in a relationship that has been going wrong for a very long time can completely change your fate in that relationship and your place in the other person.
I wish you a beautiful future where the moments you feel helpless will disappear...
What is trauma and how does it manifest?
The word "trauma" that we hear everywhere, that is often mentioned in conversations, TV series, movies... As much as I hear and see, I encounter a lot of false myths and information on this subject. I will try to help you find the answers to many questions such as 'Is every negative experience we go through a trauma?', 'Are traumas never forgotten?', 'Do they always affect our lives negatively?', 'Is trauma hereditary?'.
First of all, let's understand what trauma is. Trauma can occur when people face a threat to their lives or are subjected to a physical or sexual assault, but people can also experience trauma in situations such as witnessing or listening to someone else's trauma or being exposed to repeated traumatic events. Trauma is defined as the effect of the event or situation on the person rather than the event itself. Not every traumatic event may cause trauma. This may be more related to coping mechanisms, personality traits, environment and supportive relationships.
Trauma can involve many different dynamics, and the resulting symptoms may even suggest that we are experiencing a different situation. Sometimes we may not even realize that we have been affected by the event. So when it comes to trauma, we need to know that it is not something to be dealt with randomly and that professional support should be sought.
Some therapy methods can be used to make the traumatic event come to mind less, not to remember it completely, and to reduce the impact of the event on the person.
Let's imagine that we have a piece of paper in our hands and on this paper, in big letters, a situation or event that affects us a lot is written. As we bring this paper closer to our eyes, we begin to see nothing but that paper. Sometimes even so close that we cannot walk or move because we cannot see what is in front of us. Trauma is exactly like this. We become so focused on our thoughts and images of the traumatic event that we relive the event or situation over and over again. It is only through psychotherapy that we can recognize this attachment to our thoughts and pay attention to what is happening around us again.
Trauma is also physiological. It is linked to the area of our nervous system where our fight, flight, freeze responses occur. This is why we show symptoms such as heart palpitations, sweating and trembling when we encounter traumatic events. For more information on this, I suggest you research Polyvagal Theory.
Our traumas can also be related to the dynamics within the family, our relationship with our parents and even the relationship they have with their parents. For example, someone whose grandmother was sexually assaulted may have heard or heard about this event from her mother and shared it with her daughter and/or her daughter may struggle with her fears of experiencing the same event, or she may not know about the issue at all, but she may notice her mother's concern about this issue from her mother's behavior patterns and dialogues and think that it is a situation that she should be concerned about, which may cause her to feel threatened. It is important to note here that not every trauma is hereditary.
As I said at the beginning of my article, trauma can be related to many different dynamics. I would like to remind you again of the importance of seeking professional help and support if you believe that you have had such experiences or trauma in your life, or that you have repeated patterns or experiences in your life.
@jaydatodid
