I used to think that this problem is just me. Many of us are complex and different feelings of apologizing. Some of us have to apologize except for our colleague and our perspective due to this external intervention is perhaps the basis of the basis, and some of us learned to feel better after the apology. After some of the apologies, some have had a shame before they apologize. There were people who never apologize to each of us had never apologies and even those who are proud of it. According to them, it was usually about weakness and vulnerability. Most of them were afraid of a great fear of being hurt.
In our age, it means "apologizing", with the definition of dictionaries "accepting an error without defending their own actions and regret". This modern definition describes "accepting" as the basic elements of apologizing "emotionally affected" and "vulnerable";
Do not accept
Apologetic is a process that is "ritual" with its full sense. When we get a wound in the moral direction or when we give it, we start to lose our real face. The person who has made the mistake and the victim should be able to lower the side that falls wrong to re-enable their balance. The adoption of that wound will take place that damages the bonds between the wrong-minded party. It is ritual to get all the responsibility of the action without an excuse for the thing to apologize to the real mania.
Emotionally affected
Acceptance of responsibility also means that the guilty part is noticeably affected by their doing. This experience is called "regret" and "shame" in the studies on "apologizing" in the field of social sciences.
Bill Clinton's Monica Lewinsky Scandalian, American journalist Mary Mcgrory said, "We can deal with lying or adultery, but we cannot agree with the adulteration, but it is especially captured and not regreted after being compressed in the corner," how exactly the element of the emotional affection reveals that it perceives.
Vulnerability
It is the most important element to be able to apologize without defending personal actions. In addition, this vulnerability includes respect to the acceptance of the apology. It also provides whether the sincerity of an apology is a measure of the yeglucia.
Psychologist who studies at Ohio University Roy Lewicki and Robert Lount Jr. With the Eastern Kentucky University Member of Eastern Kentucky University Psychologist Beth Polin, as a result of the research he has made, is also scientifically demonstrated. Lewicki and colleagues showed that the most challenging apologies have six different content. These;
When we do not comply with the social norms, when we consider the rules, when we do the mistake, we are apologizing when we are lying, we actually agree that we know what the right behavior is and he will continue to go after that correct. This way the opposite side feels safe. The reputation of our hurt is again built. It helps that the injured party knows that you know that you know that you are your mistake, they can feel better and refreshes their confidence on themselves.
Repair of fraying relationships, it is the most beautiful result that a sincere apology can provide healthy. Conflict is a serious source of stress. Effectively to be able to apologize, the conflicts between persons and the negative stress that they create. You will notify people that you are not proud of what you do and do not repeat this behavior will mostly make your relationship with yourself.
The question of whether apologizing is appropriate is also important. If the thing you do has made the pain for someone else, it is a good idea to apologize if you are unintentional. But this should not mean that you should be responsible for things that are not your mistake. For example, you can express regret that you are inadvertently inadequate someone, but if you really feel that it is no way of knowing that your actions will hurt them, you don't need to be slipped here to an area that crushes more yourself here.
Taking responsibility should also point to indicate what you believe are wrong. It is important for your own limits to specify what you believe that you believe in you are not wrong. It should be remembered that an apology may also contain a simple statement such as "Sorry for this way". Sometimes apologetic is not to admit that you do something wrong with the ill. Instead, it may also be limited to the acceptance of you hurt another person.
Apologies that contain empty promises for the victim party or create manipulative consequences for the wrong side can also be seen in the flow of life. It is a very bad idea to apologize by making promises that you cannot keep or fulfill just to achieve the balance and harmony at the moment. Also, if the other person expects something unreasonable or impossible from you because of your mistake, or if you are directed to apologize even though you have no guilt, perhaps you may be taking too much responsibility by apologizing. When we don't do something wrong, or when we take responsibility for someone else's fault or a problem that we haven't caused or can't control, we start to slide into a dangerous area.
Beginning to recognize the reasons behind your trying to apologize is indispensable to your personal boundaries and well-being. Sometimes you may have become the person who apologized too much. Excessive apologies sometimes come when a restaurant order goes wrong; It means "Sorry but this is not what I ordered." Sometimes to a counseling officer at a hospital, “I'm sorry to bother you. It is to approach by saying “I have a question”. Maybe we can add to these examples apologizing to the customer waiting behind you when your transaction takes a long time due to the cashier's fault at a grocery store. Always "Sorry", "Sorry", etc. you are prone to using expressions;
You want to be seen as nice and kind, you are too concerned about what others think, and you don't want to upset or disappoint others. If you have an inner voice that speaks badly about yourself, you may realize that you are constantly causing problems and acting unreasonably and now that you are in a dangerous area. Thus, it becomes easier to remove yourself from that area without getting more injured.
- You have such painful and high standards for yourself that it may not be possible for any living thing on earth to meet these standards, let alone yourself. However, as long as you don't meet your standards, you may start to feel constantly inadequate and need to apologize for every little thing you've done wrong.
Sometimes we apologize for feeling uncomfortable or insecure and not knowing what to do or say. In fact, we may be trying to make both ourselves and others feel better. There may be moments when we feel responsible for the mistakes or inappropriate behavior of others. This situation generally stems from our inability to differentiate and be an individual. Instead of being two separate persons, we may be acting as if they are one unit. It should not be forgotten that no matter who the person next to us is, we are not responsible for their actions. Owning someone else's behavior and apologizing for them will also cause these people to persist in their problematic behavior.
- If you have been apologizing for a long time or have been listening to other people's apology since you were young, your nervous system may have memorized this behavior and unconsciously, and your automatic response may have turned into apologizing.
Someone who constantly apologizes begins to miss moments when a truly apology is needed. His confidence in himself is shaken and after a while he may even become apologetic for taking up space on earth. This type of approach is also a devious way of basically criticizing yourself and always focusing on the needs and feelings of others.
Apologize; It's not about losing your essence, admitting defeat, or being a manipulative tool used to control one another. It's about repairing pain, wounds, and relationships. Just as there are some wounds you can't fix by saying you're sorry, there are other types of wounds that can only be repaired with an apology. This is the power and also the necessity of apologizing.
If you are in the process of asking for forgiveness, which is far from being fake and you want to fulfill with all sincerity;
You should be careful not to use the word "but". This word can automatically cancel an apology and almost always reveals a criticism or an excuse.
You should focus on your own actions, not the other person's reaction. For example, “I'm sorry you feel hurt about what I said at your meeting last night” is not an apology. Instead, “I'm sorry for what I said last night. It was insensitive and unnecessary ”is a more appropriate way to claim your own behavior.
A true apology is not overwhelming. You should focus on accepting the feelings of the hurt side without overshadowing them with your own pain or regret.
A true apology doesn't get stuck with who is to blame or who started the incident. Simply saying "Sorry for my role in this matter" can help.
A real apology should be supported by restorative action. Obviously, it will not do you much to apologize with great showiness and then continue the behavior you apologized for.
A true apology should not serve to silence another person. "I apologized at least 10 times, so why are you still bringing the issue up?" When you say, you're actually looking for ways to free yourself from a difficult conversation and conflict.
You shouldn't offer a genuine apology just to feel better if there is a risk of making the painful side feel worse. Not all apologies are the same. Trying to compensate may be part of your healing process, but if the other person doesn't want to hear from you, you must find another way to heal.
It's been a little long post. Sorry for my mistakes, goodbye with love.
