Hello everyone. Glad to be back. I just want to be more active so I am back but to continue in this challenge. When I started, I did two prompts in a day. I am doing the same today!

Happiness

Talking about happiness, it is something that I want to become my bestfriend. The thing is I have been living with anxiety since I was young. It's undiagnosed because I prefer not to consult a specialist. I don't have enough funds to do so, and medication is expensive. Besides, I don't want to reap the side effects of prolonged use of such medications. Also, I still fear stigma. Though more and more people are becoming aware about mental health, stigma is still very much alive even from people around us. At times, it makes me upset but I have to conceal it when someone looks down at someone with mental illness. I knew some people who has to hide their anxiety because of stigma too.

I mentioned that I had anxiety since I was young. I am actually unaware about it. I felt like being different from anyone. There are times when I hoped that I was indifferent from others. I have OCD. There are mental routines that I do when an intrusive and undesirable stuff gets into my head. I hate such thoughts, and I do mental prayers to feel better. I wash my hands when I hold something I touched something I don't like. I count my steps when walking, and I avoid certain numbers. I avoid some people. I don't like crowded places. There are so many things that my mind has to deal so I'll feel at ease.

There are times when I feel so sad. Changing of weather from summer to rainy season, I rarely have peace. Since it's currently rainy season, I do get some triggers. It might be SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. Many people has that especially in places where there's winter. We don't have winter here in the Philippines but gloomy weather affects me. There are times when I feel so down, but I have to smile. I have to do what I need to do. In fact, even when writing this, I had some nasty OCD affecting me!

Who am I to talk about happiness when I don't have a good mental health? Of course, I do feel happy in some occasions. I am with my wife who makes me happy. I serve God, who helps me in my battles. For me, not having mental illness is what will make me really happy.

My Bestfriend?

I never really had someone (a person) who became my bestfriends. Of course, I had close friends but not bestfriends whom someone can stick with. I admit, I became envious towards those who have their bestfriends who's always there for them. I treated some people as my bestfriend then but I was not treated the same. I never regretted cutting ties though because it made me a better person. I still respect that person though. I had moved on from any past issues. Actually, I also have trust issues now. For someone like me who's dealing with anxiety, I don't just trust anyone.

I am now a married person, and my wife is the one I consider as my bestfriend. I love her so much, and she's the one I stick too. Of course, I consider God as my bestfriend too. He knows my struggle like what I had talked about above.

I had quite a struggle in these topics. About happiness, it's hard to talk about it if you have mental health issues. With regards to bestfriends, I never really have that one, someone who I have a pact with. But I am happy that I can treat my wife as my bestfriend, and the Heavenly Father of course!

I'm also hoping that happiness will become my bestfriend too. If I have to wish for something, it is for the anxiety to go away not only for me but for those who's struggling with any mental illness.