Nostalgia Playlist - Song #1

Making a playlist in every stage of my life is a way for me to remember a certain event - whether it is heartbreaking or not. So, I decided to share with you some of the songs that takes me back to a certain point in my life where I learned significant lessons.

The first song is a part of my high school love life. Since it's February, the topics that I'll publish this month is about love.

🎶 White Horse by Taylor Swift

It was about my love-hate relationship with my seatmate, one of my crushes when I was in high school. We've been seatmates for a year. In high school, we usually have a seat plan to follow and it was solely based from the arrangement of our surnames. I can clearly recall where we used to sit, second row, fourth column.

It was the first week of classes when I was elected as the secretary of our class. When I was elected, he congratulated me. That's the first time we talked to each other.

We were the total opposites. I thought I'd hate him because he's too tall to be in the front row plus he's so talkative and clumsy.

On that same week, while we were copying a lecture on the board, he sang a Taylor Swift song, which had gotten my attention. I am an avid fan of Taylor Swift since 5th grade. While he was singing that song, I didn't knew I was humming along. He stopped singing and I stopped as well, we unconsciously looked at each other then he laughed. He was still laughing as he asked for the reason why I stopped humming. I didn't bother to reply.

And then again, he's singing. He stopped writing and told me that he and his little sister were also into Taylor Swift's songs. I didn't ask him about the song, but I couldn't ignore the fact that we have similarities. That is the start of our friendship.

Months went by. I was singing Taylor Swift songs while he was playing the guitar. There were times when we brought guitars together just to jam. The Magbalik intro was so lit back then. (Hi to the 90s kids!) We even entered a singing contest together and built our own band with our mutual friends called Epic Fail. We rented out studios and spent time together.

The whole class thought we're already in a relationship but we're not. He confessed his feelings but I said it's too early to enter a relationship though I liked him as well.

We're just 2nd year high school. I said if he could wait until we graduate and get into college, we'd be in a relationship by then. He said he'd wait.

I thought he'd take it seriously.

I thought he'd take me seriously.

After a few weeks, during our Research event, he showed up, with his girlfriend. That was fast, I thought. How come he had a girlfriend already when we are still in our 'almost' relationship. I don't know if there's a name for that, when your feelings are mutual but you're not really in a relationship. That's what we are.. or were.

I was so pissed that time. I thought he was serious about waiting for me. He said he'd wait. Was he tired of waiting already? But it's just been weeks!

The only thing I've thought of to get back to him was to make a move, to show that I'm not into him anymore. That he's not that of a big deal... but he is. He was.

So, I made a big decision. I contacted his best friend, our classmate as well, who has feelings for me. I thought why not give him a chance?

We dated and I said yes even though I didn't like him that much but he was kind and intelligent and caring. He was my first boyfriend.

When my seatmate discovered that his bestfriend and I were already in a relationship, he immediately called it off with his girlfriend. Bad move. Why didn't he stand for his own decision as if his relationship with her was nothing. A red flag.

My relationship with my then boyfriend was smooth sailing. We didn't argue. He respected my decisions. But guilt had taken over me. I was so guilty to be with the person whom I barely like so I called it off after three months. I was so guilty until now, knowing I used a genuine person who liked me so much.

What happened after that?

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness
Begging for me
Just like what I always wanted
But I'm so sorry

My seatmate tried to win me. He made huge efforts. He competed with all my other flings. He said he'd be committed and will wait this time.

But I said no. Not this time around.

'Cause I'm not your princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday
Who might actually treat me well

I told him I don't like him anymore. He waited for me though. When we graduated high school, he still send me messages, we still get to see each other during our class's get togethers and tried to give me gifts and asked me out. I declined every time he asks.

Now it's too late for you and your white horse
To catch me now

It ended there.

I decided that I no longer want him. I made such a terrible decision when I was in pain of seeing him replace me in a span of weeks. Though I'm grateful that it happened, without it, I wouldn't be able to see my own value. Somebody out there wanted to be with me so badly because they see my worth unlike him who can easily replace me.

I'm glad we had the much needed closure. I guess there's a different pain when it comes to 'almost' relationships.

Song lyrics from White Horse by Taylor Swift

Have you had an 'almost' relationship? How was it?
I'd like to read yours.

FEB 9, 2022 | 10:05 AM