Through the Lens: The Subject

NOTE: This is the other part of my previous article/short story entitled: Through the Lens. I highly advise you to read that first before you proceed on reading this.

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I'm an introvert. I'm not the type of person that will socialize to people.

I never had friends during my elementary life.

I'm always alone. I feel like i'm invisible because no one ever noticed me.

Until one day, he came.

I was so surprised when someone asked me to be part of their group. This is a first time for me. No one really want me as their group mate because I have no friends. Usually, my teacher would just assign me to any group that don't have complete members.

So imagine my shock when someone asked me to be their group mate. And not to mention, the one that is asking me is kind of famous here in our school.

He is good looking. And honestly, I am admiring him secretly since day one. I never really thought that someone will notice me and to my surprise, of all people, it's him who noticed me.

Ever since then, we became friends. Best friends actually. For some reason, we became like a package. 2-in-1 as they say. Because we really are inseparable.

In contradiction to my character, he is an extrovert. He really is outgoing. Very friendly. Almost all people on the campus are his friends. Maybe that's also the reason why he is famous.

There are so many changes that happened to me since I became close to him.

He taught me so many things. He made me go out of my comfort zone. He introduced me to people. He pushes me to my potential.

He sees through me. He's the first person who noticed me and I couldn't thank him enough for all that he has done for me.

He's my best buddy. My to-go person whenever I needed him. He is my person who is always one call away.

From being a nobody, he makes me shine.

From the girl who's always pitying herself, to the brave girl who got lots of confidence.

He is my anchor. He gives me strength.

He's my number one fan. He's the one who believes in me even though I don't believe in myself.

He's just perfect. The reason why it's so easy for me to fall in love with him.

I don't know when did it started. I just know that I love him. Romantically.

But I don't have the courage to confess to him because I don't want to ruin our friendship.

I don't want to lose my person. The person who got me, always.

Because I know for sure that what he feels for me is just platonic.

How did I know that? Because that's how he treat all the people. That's how he treat all of his friends so it's really impossible that he feels the same way for me. So rather than telling him about it, I just kept it to myself.

College days, our friendship are getting stronger day by day.

We may go to different classes now, different course and different building, but we always make sure to see each other.

He's still the same who patiently listen to all of my rants. I am just so comfortable in telling everything to him because I know that he would listen and he will comfort me and he will not judge me.

I am so in love with him.

But the smooth sailing of our friendship encountered a big wave on our college life.

We became busy and we always argue.

My friends are always telling me that there's this girl that is rumored to be his girlfriend.

One time, I also saw them together and as much as I hate to admit it, I am so jealous because they really look so good together. Both pretty and handsome eh.

So whenever we see each other, I always tell him how they look good together. Call me a masochist for that. I always tease him and push him to that girl and then he suddenly got annoyed.

What i'm saying to him hurts me but him, ignoring me and avoiding me hurts the most.

After he burst out from my teasing, he started avoiding me.

He declines to my lunch invitation.

Seems like I lose him without having the chance to confess my feeling to him.

I kept my feelings for me not to lose him, but I still lose him in the end.

I don't know what happened because it happened so fast that I didn't notice how the two of us drifted apart.

It went like that until we graduate.

We got to catch up after our graduation but that's it.

It went off again.

I have other friends now because he taught me that.

But his absence feels like a part of me is missing.

I got used to being with him, being dependent with him, but he's gone now.

I feel like I have to face the world again because he's not by my side anymore.

-

On my workplace, I met this guy.

He's funny and friendly. Just like him.

He makes me laugh, all the time.

My heart is filled with joy whenever i'm with him.

In him, I feel like I found another him.

I don't know how to react when he showed interest on me.

I was laughing at his joke when he suddenly blurted out his feelings for me.

He likes me? I really don't know how to react because I never had someone confessed his feeling for me.

And as he told that to me, I remember him. The reason why I am broken. The reason why I feel like I can't open my heart again for another man because I haven't moved on yet from the love that only I knows.

But he's persistent. He said he'll wait.

He just have his ways on me that even after his confession, things between us never got awkward.

He's so true and genuine. He makes me feel loved.

He's more on the funny type and not on the sweet type but that's just one thing I love about him.

I don't remember any dull or sad moments I have with him.

He lightens the atmosphere. He lightens my mood. He cheered me up.

Through the years he healed me slowly. Until I was able to open my heart again.

Until the mere mention of his name doesn't hurt me at all.

This guy. This so persistent guy. This funny guy.

He's my everything now that when he asked me to marry me, I said yes.

As we were planning our wedding. I suddenly remember him. But without the sadness and the pain anymore. It's just pure longing for my best friend.

I heard that he was so successful now. And I also heard that he's back on the town. So I took it as an opportunity to talk to him and to catch up with him.

He's the best photographer I know so I asked him a favor to be our wedding photographer.

I trust him that he will get the perfect shot for us. Back then, when we were still in High School, I am his favorite subject. He would then take snapshots of me randomly. I remember him as the boy who always got his camera and he will always surprise me for his wonderful shots of me.

Well, not all are wonderful because most of those photos are epic. My photos while eating, my photos while my mouth is opened. Photos that I feel like i'm ugly but he'll just laugh at me when I tell him to delete those.

I didn't notice I was smiling so widely while reminiscing on our memories together.

Seeing him now, taking photos of me on my wedding day, smiling at me while taking his shots, make me realized how much I missed him.

I missed my friend. I now forget about the pain. All I remember are our memories together. For he was a big part, a big reason why I am the person that I am now.

As I take the promise of forever with the man I love, I know that he's there. Looking through his lens, showing his support for me, like he always do.

I can now look directly at him, holding his camera, while I am smiling so widely, without all the pain and regrets. He's a big part of my past. He's my first love. But the man beside me is my forever.

They say closed doors often leads us to the right one.

And for me, he's my closed door, that leads me to my right one.