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Dear Moms: Parenting Tips from an Aunt's Perspective

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Written by   240
1 month ago

Parents knows best. Mothers knows best. Truly, any parent would not want anything bad for their child but no matter how hard parents try to raise up their child in a right way, the fact that there is no perfect parenting remains.

May it be their first born, second, third, fourth, and so on. There is no perfect formula on being a perfect parent. It feels like trial and error that they have to do again and again.

Parents could not do all the parenting alone and that’s where Aunts will enter to the picture. I don’t know if it is also the practice to other country but here in the Philippines, we have this so-called “titang ina” or the aunts who helps their siblings on taking care of their niece or nephew.

Fortunately, a certified tita here! We have a huge family. I have 6 more siblings, all of them have already child/children of their own and I now have 13 nieces and nephews in total. 16 years old boy is the eldest and an 11 months old baby girl is the youngest.

I have taken care almost all of them and even though mother knows best, after all those years of taking care of the kids, I have learned a thing or two about parenting that I think moms should know. Also, other aunts should know this too because I know that we are capable of spoiling the kids too much.

The concept of losing.

Most of the kids these days wants to take the win and as parents or guardian, we have to make them understand that they can’t always win. One thing that I do to my nephew for him to understand this concept is by playing a game.

Sometimes, we’ll go racing. Sometimes I let him win, sometimes I let him lose. And when he loses, I always tell him that it’s okay. And It is just so amazing how kids are so smart these days that they can easily understand things if we will only explain it to them carefully.

And so, when we are having a race, he simply says “I win” if he wins and if he loses, he can easily say “I lose” or “Tita, you win.”

Maybe it doesn’t makes sense for him now, maybe he still doesn’t fully understand but what’s important is that on his simple mind, he already knows that he can either win or lose and whatever the result is, it’s okay.

No means no.

Kids are so stubborn these days. They always want to have what they want and, in this case, our role is make them understand that they can’t get everything that they want. This one is hard especially when they started crying and our hearts will instantly melt and that will make us give in to them.

But as parents or guardians, we have to be tough. A no is a no especially if what they are asking is not good for them. May it be another bar of chocolate or another hour using a gadget. If we keep spoiling them, the more that it’ll be harder for us to discipline them when they grow up.

Give them a room for mistake.

If adults can make mistakes, of course children do too. There are parents who are strict and as parents it is really needed but not too much because it can bring fear to the kid. Instead of developing respect, there’s a chance that they can develop fear especially if they will be facing a punishment on their every mistake.

They can make a mess, they can break things, they can be so careless but let’s not lash out on them. They are children, they are naturally noisy, hyper and all that. Just let them enjoy their childhood. Make them feel free. Let them make a mess, let them make mistake.

Discipline them.

No means no is a way of disciplining them. Another thing, although we are giving them room for mistakes, we also have to let them know that there is a limit to everything.

I honestly don’t know how we were able to do it but my 4-year-old nephew is already kind of disciplined for his age. He understands when we say no. He stops using gadget when he told him it’s enough. When he wants another chocolate but he already ate a lot, all we have to do is to tell him “Tomorrow again” and he will respond with a simple “okay”.

He's not perfect of course, there are still times that we are having a hard time disciplining him but the most important thing here is to remember that they are children and we have to take it easy. We can give in to them sometimes but not all the time. That’s how we will draw the line.

Another part of discipling them is to teach them not to be picky with their foods. Kids doesn’t like veggies; I don’t like it either but they have to eat it. Also, using gadgets is very normal these days but make sure to limit their screen time.

Teach them good things and be their role model.

Children are so smart these days and what they can see, hear, and whatever we told them, they will remember. I know it’s fun when they follow what we told them like hitting their older sibling and the likes. It is funny and it is meant to be a joke but, in their mind, whatever we do is right. They will remember it and they will follow it.

So, it is important that we will only show them good things and let us stop those silly jokes that can really make them looks so adorable but definitely not good.


Let me cut these tips here for now. These are just few things I noticed that we should do in terms of raising up the kids.

One last thing, teach them their mother tongue! Kids who speaks English here seems to be so smart but we have our own language and dialect that they should learn too. This is one mistake we made actually. My nephew started schooling 2 weeks ago and we are now struggling on his mother tongue subject.

Our mother tongue is Tagalog, he can understand and speak Tagalog but he’s more used into speaking English so it is really a struggle for us right now. They were asked to pray in Tagalog and he’s having a hard time in speaking all the words. He sounded like a foreigner who’s learning how to speak Tagalog. LOL.

And this one is kind of funny. There’s a part on his module wherein there are images of animals and he have to identify what kind of animal it is and what kind of sound does that animal produce. It was supposed to be easy only that it is in Filipino.

There’s an image of a dog and he doesn’t know what’s the Tagalog of dog. We said it is “aso” and thankfully, he easily remembers that. And when we asked him what’s the sound of the aso, he said “arf arf” instead of “aw aw” which is the Tagalog version of it. LOL.

He's just so adorable but still, we have to acknowledge that we made a mistake on this one and that we have to teach him right from now on. On second thought, we really didn’t teach him English, he just learned that on YouTube. He also knows Tagalog, he’s just having a hard time pronouncing it.


This feels like out of context already but what can I do, I just adore my nephew so much. Anyways, I appreciate you reading this far. To moms, dads, aunts and uncles out there, may we be able to have enough wisdom and knowledge for us to raise up and teach the kids better.

Truly, there is no perfect formula in parenting but on everything that we do, on every trial and error that we make, we always learn something and we can always apply it the next time. And the fact that we are not perfect is also the reason why we are the best and the coolest parents, uncles or aunts that the kids could have.

Thank you so much for reading. Till next time! :)

Article No. 145 – October 8, 2021

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Comments

Never tried to be a titang ina, kasi di ko talaga keri mag alaga ng bata, kaya I never see myself having one. But we do not know what happen anyway. Pero I agree with all the key points you have. And my mama always tell my ate na everytime may magawang mali or hindi sumunod sa kanya yung anak niya is di daw dapat sasabihan ng "ang kulit mo, ang tigas ng ulo" kasi madadala daw yon paglaki pag nalalagi nilang naririnig, and they will conclude na, "ay ganito pala ako, makulit, matigas ulo". Kaya instead of saying that way, educate them daw and allow them to realize their mistakes.

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1 month ago

Haha. Baka magbardagulan kayo nung inaalagaan mo. Lol. Ako naman, best in alaga hahaha. Pati hindi ko pamangkin inaalagaan ko haha. I might be good with kids tho pero I can't envision myself having one of my own. Makikialaga nalang ata ako pero let's not conclude it haha.

Your mom is very true! Adults nga nahhurt pag pinopoint out mga mali e, ganon din sa bata. And worst, pag sakanila kasi tumatatak kasi they are smart, they will remember. Meron pa linyahan ng ibang parents na "manang mana ka sa tatay mo" hahsha. Pero as I've said, there's no perfecf parenting din talaga. Parents tend to do mistakes, maybe nasasabi nila mga bagay na yun but that doesn't mean na bad na sila. Being parents is a life-long process naman din kaya they still have their lifetime to learn. Haha

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1 month ago

Ay ewan nalang talaga. Katamad ko nalang, nakaka alaga ako basta mga nasa 10 to 20 minutes lang. Pero after niyan no no no na talaga. Tas di ko naman purpose na alagaan sila, gusto ko lang magpa iyak. Hahahahaha 🤣

Kaya nga e. Wala talagang perfect na parenting, and sa nakikita ko hindi talaga madali. Its a matter of patience din ay. Pero salute pa din sa mga nakakapag raise ng mabuti sa mga anak nila.

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1 month ago

Hahaha. Kaya din I have lots of patience kasi I spend most of my time with the kids. Naalala ko dati, iniwan sakin ni ate anak niya e josmeyo, months old palang yun, tapos I was like 14 lang hahsha. Pag uwi ni ate, gabi na, kasama ko na umiiyak pamangkin ko hahaha. Pano ba naman ayaw magpababa, gusto nakabuhat, ayaw sumama sa iba at nangingilala, ayon naiyak nako sa sobrang ngalay hahaha

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1 month ago

Titang ina here hihi. Napaka stubborn talaga ng most of the kabataan today, ang hirap e handle minsan. It is really up to us- elders on how we handle them, mold them, and educate them.

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1 month ago

Haha. Tayo ay mga titang ina. And true, sa elders nakasalalay ang lahat. Chour. I mean, we should be the one guiding them to the right path and we should be the one teaching them the right values. Bawal ang influence haha.

Another thing na napansin ko din kasi, nakakalungkot how kids can curse at their young age. Tapos hindi binabawal ng parents kasi sakanila mismo naririnig e. Hmp

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1 month ago

Kapag umiyak si Prince ko, di talaga ako agad nabigay. Yung daddy nya ang mabilis mag-give in, nakakaawa daw kasi hahaha but I am glad that even he is just 18 months now, he follows our rules. Sana lang hanggang pagtanda nya hahaha

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1 month ago

Haha. 18 months and know how to follow rules? What a very good baby!

Daddies can either be strict or so soft! In your case, he's the softie. Haha. Nakakaawa naman talaga pag umiiyak na kasi pero if what they are asking is not good for them, we have to act tough. Basta tuloy tuloy lang yung pagdiscipline and of course, shower them with so much love. With the right foundation, maiinstill sakanila yun hanggang paglaki.

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1 month ago

disciplining these new gen kids is challenging indeed... good think you were able to instill good characters to your nephew

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1 month ago

Indeed! Proud tita here. Haha. Geez. I sound like a parent. Haha

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1 month ago

I am also a titang ina to my nephews and nieces way back when I was single. Now that i am a mother, I applied everything I learned..

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1 month ago

You've been trained eh? Haha. Good thing you were exposed early, the adjustment isn't that hard I suppose.

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1 month ago

Yes po. Hindi masyado mahirap kasi sanay na sa mga bata hehehe

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1 month ago

In my case, I never thought my children to speak english. We speak tagalog at all times in our home...We're just surprise that they can actually construct a word in english.. My 7 years old girl actually speaks english when she's talking with his brother sometimes..

With the no means no, hindi ko talaga din matiis minsan lalo na kung parang nakikita mo na ang lungkot nila.. Hehe.. Masyadong malambot ang aking puso pagdating sa mga anak ko.

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1 month ago

Kids are so surprising these days. We also didn't taught my nephew with English, he learned it himself. You can imagine our surprise when we find out he can already read sentences at 4. Kids are so smart!

Haha. Yeah, I can't resist my nephew sometimes. Just one look at their teary eyes and we're gonna melt. But as I've said, if it's bad for them we have to act tough. But if it won't do them any harm, why not give it if we can, right?

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1 month ago

yeah right, I agree with you..you're nephews and nieces are lucky to have a tita like you :)...hindi kunsintidor. Usually kasi aunts or uncle ang number 1 taga kunsinte sa mga pamangkin,

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1 month ago

Nakooo. Hahaha. Kasama ko sa kautuan yung mga yun, lalo yung mga nasa high school na, but they know their limits.

As for the younger ones, masunurin naman sila haha. May instances na natitiis, meron hindi. Pero I think nasa tamang landas pa naman kami haha

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1 month ago

nice..good job tita :)...

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1 month ago

Hehe. Thanks po! :)

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1 month ago

If we want to instill something good in our children we need to be a good model for them. Its the responsibility of parents to keep their children away from being stubborn. Thank you for sharing this helpful article.

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1 month ago

No worries. :) Yeah, children only copies what the people around them do so as adults, we really have to be a model for them.

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1 month ago

Tama si tita cause I do that to my daughter too. I'm grateful na lumaki namang siyang polite 😊

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1 month ago

That's a good sign that a child was raised up well. It can be seen in their actions so well done for you as a parent. :)

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1 month ago