Dear Moms: Parenting Tips from an Aunt's Perspective

Parents knows best. Mothers knows best. Truly, any parent would not want anything bad for their child but no matter how hard parents try to raise up their child in a right way, the fact that there is no perfect parenting remains.

May it be their first born, second, third, fourth, and so on. There is no perfect formula on being a perfect parent. It feels like trial and error that they have to do again and again.

Parents could not do all the parenting alone and that’s where Aunts will enter to the picture. I don’t know if it is also the practice to other country but here in the Philippines, we have this so-called “titang ina” or the aunts who helps their siblings on taking care of their niece or nephew.

Fortunately, a certified tita here! We have a huge family. I have 6 more siblings, all of them have already child/children of their own and I now have 13 nieces and nephews in total. 16 years old boy is the eldest and an 11 months old baby girl is the youngest.

I have taken care almost all of them and even though mother knows best, after all those years of taking care of the kids, I have learned a thing or two about parenting that I think moms should know. Also, other aunts should know this too because I know that we are capable of spoiling the kids too much.

The concept of losing.

Most of the kids these days wants to take the win and as parents or guardian, we have to make them understand that they can’t always win. One thing that I do to my nephew for him to understand this concept is by playing a game.

Sometimes, we’ll go racing. Sometimes I let him win, sometimes I let him lose. And when he loses, I always tell him that it’s okay. And It is just so amazing how kids are so smart these days that they can easily understand things if we will only explain it to them carefully.

And so, when we are having a race, he simply says “I win” if he wins and if he loses, he can easily say “I lose” or “Tita, you win.”

Maybe it doesn’t makes sense for him now, maybe he still doesn’t fully understand but what’s important is that on his simple mind, he already knows that he can either win or lose and whatever the result is, it’s okay.

No means no.

Kids are so stubborn these days. They always want to have what they want and, in this case, our role is make them understand that they can’t get everything that they want. This one is hard especially when they started crying and our hearts will instantly melt and that will make us give in to them.

But as parents or guardians, we have to be tough. A no is a no especially if what they are asking is not good for them. May it be another bar of chocolate or another hour using a gadget. If we keep spoiling them, the more that it’ll be harder for us to discipline them when they grow up.

Give them a room for mistake.

If adults can make mistakes, of course children do too. There are parents who are strict and as parents it is really needed but not too much because it can bring fear to the kid. Instead of developing respect, there’s a chance that they can develop fear especially if they will be facing a punishment on their every mistake.

They can make a mess, they can break things, they can be so careless but let’s not lash out on them. They are children, they are naturally noisy, hyper and all that. Just let them enjoy their childhood. Make them feel free. Let them make a mess, let them make mistake.

Discipline them.

No means no is a way of disciplining them. Another thing, although we are giving them room for mistakes, we also have to let them know that there is a limit to everything.

I honestly don’t know how we were able to do it but my 4-year-old nephew is already kind of disciplined for his age. He understands when we say no. He stops using gadget when he told him it’s enough. When he wants another chocolate but he already ate a lot, all we have to do is to tell him “Tomorrow again” and he will respond with a simple “okay”.

He's not perfect of course, there are still times that we are having a hard time disciplining him but the most important thing here is to remember that they are children and we have to take it easy. We can give in to them sometimes but not all the time. That’s how we will draw the line.

Another part of discipling them is to teach them not to be picky with their foods. Kids doesn’t like veggies; I don’t like it either but they have to eat it. Also, using gadgets is very normal these days but make sure to limit their screen time.

Teach them good things and be their role model.

Children are so smart these days and what they can see, hear, and whatever we told them, they will remember. I know it’s fun when they follow what we told them like hitting their older sibling and the likes. It is funny and it is meant to be a joke but, in their mind, whatever we do is right. They will remember it and they will follow it.

So, it is important that we will only show them good things and let us stop those silly jokes that can really make them looks so adorable but definitely not good.

Let me cut these tips here for now. These are just few things I noticed that we should do in terms of raising up the kids.

One last thing, teach them their mother tongue! Kids who speaks English here seems to be so smart but we have our own language and dialect that they should learn too. This is one mistake we made actually. My nephew started schooling 2 weeks ago and we are now struggling on his mother tongue subject.

Our mother tongue is Tagalog, he can understand and speak Tagalog but he’s more used into speaking English so it is really a struggle for us right now. They were asked to pray in Tagalog and he’s having a hard time in speaking all the words. He sounded like a foreigner who’s learning how to speak Tagalog. LOL.

And this one is kind of funny. There’s a part on his module wherein there are images of animals and he have to identify what kind of animal it is and what kind of sound does that animal produce. It was supposed to be easy only that it is in Filipino.

There’s an image of a dog and he doesn’t know what’s the Tagalog of dog. We said it is “aso” and thankfully, he easily remembers that. And when we asked him what’s the sound of the aso, he said “arf arf” instead of “aw aw” which is the Tagalog version of it. LOL.

He's just so adorable but still, we have to acknowledge that we made a mistake on this one and that we have to teach him right from now on. On second thought, we really didn’t teach him English, he just learned that on YouTube. He also knows Tagalog, he’s just having a hard time pronouncing it.

This feels like out of context already but what can I do, I just adore my nephew so much. Anyways, I appreciate you reading this far. To moms, dads, aunts and uncles out there, may we be able to have enough wisdom and knowledge for us to raise up and teach the kids better.

Truly, there is no perfect formula in parenting but on everything that we do, on every trial and error that we make, we always learn something and we can always apply it the next time. And the fact that we are not perfect is also the reason why we are the best and the coolest parents, uncles or aunts that the kids could have.

Thank you so much for reading. Till next time! :)

Article No. 145 – October 8, 2021