It will be all worth it
Have you gone through that as well? Considering lower prices, buying cheaper items but had it backlashed on you?
I did that countless times but I still learn the hard way. I guess I am a stupid one not only sometimes but many times.
But I can't be blamed also! Why would I say that to myself?
Of course, there are times that cheaper ones are more practical but not with everything.
Sometimes, we have to choose the ones that will seem pricey but will turn out the best option.
It's all optimization techniques. I think not many are good with that.
What I noticed recently is the psychological and emotional impact of bad decisions. It has been more pronounced recently.
Even very simple things affect us enormously.
We have to check the factors and many more that would give us a more favorable situation.
This time, I bought a brand-new gadget. Once and for all I bought a brand new one.
Unfortunately, I had to take out a loan. Something I promised myself not to do. But I am in this situation so I needed to take some steps of that kind.
The monthly due is less than 40 dollars. I guess that is already a cheap one.
Though of course, with my record on loans, I wanted to have an improved reputation.
The good thing is that I believe I now know better than ever.
Experience as the best teacher, I am taking that.
I know it will be all worth it unless something happens to my new gadget beyond my control like being damaged due to unexpected factors or what.
I've been tricked many times. Lower price is one of the baits. But I had it bad and I wish I spent more.
They say that you get what you pay for. Indeed indeed!
I had to plan a way to obtain a brand new item because the cheap ones all bid goodbye.
I should have done this at the very start.
I may be thru installment but I know it will be worth the price.
If I have done this at the very start, then I would have been able to at least enjoy a long-lasting item. At the same time, I should have used the cheap ones worth as a down payment.
Such a bad move but it proves something for learning yet again.
Anyway, I have used them for a little bit even though they bid goodbye soonest and at the wrong times.
I needed them badly but they lagged and had their whatever expired leaving me helpless.
I just hope I will be able to have a nice setup for it so it won't be touched by unauthorized people.
I guess I will be setting my home office for better working days.
This is another important setup that I needed to do my best on.
Honestly, it gives me a headache a lot every time I am arranging things in my house.
But you know, we just do the vest that we can. And what is essential with design? Just think you are doing arrangements with a purpose.
Then again it gives me a headache. I don't know why. It just turns out that way almost every time hehe.
Someone told me to just do things one at a time and I will soon see great housekeeping results. But I always forget about that advice somehow.
I hope my new gadget will serve me well as I will also try my best to protect it and use it well.
Tell my mother I admire her
Not taking much of negativities. She was in some ways 'choleric.' A term I call someone who is resolved and strong, decisive and diplomatic. I first heard of the term way back I forgot when exactly.
I admire her tenacity, her positivity, and strength. I wouldn't be this strong if not for the traits I observed in her.
I wasn't so attached to her but it didn't mean I wasn't fond of her. I love it here. She was my mother after all.
She just didn't project a demure figure and she wasn't the type to ask for a company especially when she was going to the bus terminal after visiting us in the city.
However much I love her, I wasn't so open about it to her but I somehow know that she knows that I love her.
Please tell my mother I love her.
Tell her I admire her.
Please tell her I respect her and that I look up to her.
Tell her I plan to surprise her.
Also, tell her how sorry I was when I disappointed her. Yet compared to my father, she was very understanding no matter how hard I messed up.
She had her way with words encouraging us to have an even better outlook on life.
My heart breaks, my heart is torn. For the bad things, I did that hurt them. I know she could take blows from the not-so-good stories about us but she defended us in ways we even better ourselves.
She doesn't put us down. She always believed in us, her children. I should have done better to make them proud but then that is out of my control.
I simply hope from here on, I won't cause any major wounds to them.
Tell my mother I am dearly sorry and that I am trying my very best to be the best. Or just trying to fix my life, that would be more than enough.
I hope to make them see that I can take care of my family.
Please tell my mother I love her. I still can't imagine how life would be without them. Not so soon, I always pray.
Tell my mother to take care of her health. She still had to see more grandchildren. Not from me anymore but who know, my kids' and my nephews' and nieces' children.
Tell my mother to be happy...
Tell my father...
Trudging the paths of this earth, I went some bad ways, I went some good ways.
But tell my father I didn't mean to do bad.
I always meant to live a good life by temptations too strong at times. I can't resist, I can't complain, I just did what I did.
Please tell my father I didn't mean it.
How many times have I hurt thee? Countless times. Countless seasons. I mean to be a good girl but I did what every girl could do. I didn't resist, I was filled with my foolishness.
Tell my father I was a good girl.
I brought a man to his house without a warning. He didn't pull the trigger but he acted worse. He didn't look at where we are. They were instant enemies with the man I brought home that day.
Tell my father I didn't intend to shock him.
I dug a pit too deep for me to be out of. I drag them down, they pulled me up.
Tell my father it wasn't my desire.
My heart cries, and my tears flow. But words are lost, I can't apologize.
Tell my father I am sorry.
Now at his age anytime he'll bid goodbye. I will be broken, I will be shattered to pieces.
Tell my father to stretch his life.
So much to do, so much redeeming. The wish of the child is to do more to please him.
Tell my father I love him so...
Render me a song
It is early morning but, for some reason, I suddenly remembered a part of the past when someone sang me a song.
My kids aren't fussy as of writing time and are in a good mood. I, on the other hand, am quite nostalgic.
I was pregnant at that time. I was having headaches and was feeling sluggish. I was too tired and looked haggard.
My then-student volunteered to cheer me up. She promised she'll make me smile.
"I'll send you a song tonight, Ma'am. You'll be cheered," she added.
"Oh, I would love that!" I told her.
Then she sent me a recording of her playing the guitar and singing. The song wasn't familiar back then but I liked her rendition.
I wasn't so sure of the lyrics but it was after months after that that I searched for it.
🔣 So when I'm all choked up
And I can't find the words...
Every time we say goodbye
Baby, it hurts...
When the sun goes down
And the band won't play...
I'll always remember us this way... 🔣
I listened to the original song and was surprised that it was sung differently by my student. I liked her song better. Though of course, the original is also a good one.
This has become very sentimental for me and the lines above are the ones that I remembered the most.
I would sing it when I feel a little down.
How time flies and Charene is now a college student. She was quite good with academics in her time with me at the senior high. She has now entered a BIG university and one that has a great reputation.
Whenever I see her on Facebook, I would think of her song and her rendition.
It will be long before I will be able to see her again. Hoping someday, we'll have a chance to cross paths and I would ask her to sing once more.
There were a lot of songs for me before but this one is different. It was all made special just because of someone trying to make me feel good when I was having it bad.
And do you remember those times in elementary higher grades or high school? We would have those slam notebooks or whatchamacallits.
I am already pretty old for that but I am thinking of writing out the song in a special notebook and keeping it on the bedside along with other sentimental notes, songs, or lines.
I guess we always have to find reasons in this stressful world to smile, be happy, and contentedly joyous.
We can always rummage into the past and see what we can remember they would make us feel good.
How is your love for pen and paper doing?
I love my pen. I love my paper. I use the pen to scribble on my notes. I see my penmanship and feel dissatisfied but enjoy myself.
I love them anyway.
I see how hard I try to make my writing look good. It isn't confident handwriting, but it wants itself to be understood very clearly.
A while ago I was writing my card number. I have seen people writing the number 1 like it is 7. So I crossed the middle of the number 7 to be made clear that it is 7.
I just feel remorseful about 'l' being misunderstood as I or vice versa.
Let me just insert. I just can't forget the mixed feeling I got when students tried to fool me.
I gave a quiz. An item whose answer was supposed to be 'AI,' they answered 'Al.' They were messaging for consideration.
I tested them. The answer should be AI. Are you sure you answered correctly? Yes, each of most said. Little did they know that I copied their answers and pasted them somewhere in word processors.
They apologized but I am sure they felt embarrassed. I just hope it was a great lesson for them to read lessons and not just learn them half-heartedly.
But going back, while others are out there enjoying the beach or the road, I am in my bed, feeling the grip of my pen.
I always have a notebook or draft papers in my bag. I couldn't settle for just a wallet inside.
Anytime I will sit down to write so I had to put any writing material in my bag.
I mostly write budget plans or tentative schedules, payments, or activities. But I rarely write essays or articles using pen and paper. I leave that to the gadgets.
I mostly write for organizational purposes. I mean, to have my thoughts on financial things fixed. Also to plan my schedules.
I can't live without a plan in hand.
I tried using my pen and paper for writing novels but alas! Long way to go. I can only do with these kinds for now.
Anyhow, even though I wouldn't use my pen and paper for "wordy" writing, I use it for entertainment purposes and for the sake of listing down essentials for my sanity.
But whatever, I will always be a lover of pens and writing materials.
If only I have the budget for it, I would go paper and pen shopping instead of buying jeans and shirts.
Another lazy evening writing a not-so-well-crafted article. Not that I have ever written well-crafted ones. But hope you're enjoying it somehow.
Nice evening to you all!
Changing the mindset
Possible scenario: Me wishing I have a higher salary. Me wishing I did better. Me wishing I spent lesser. Me wishing I saved before.
A better scenario: Learning from experiences. Doing instead of wishing. Doing it 'now.' Keeping a positive outlook.
I have been here on earth for more than three decades already yet I am still struggling financially.
Most of the time, it is a psychological battle instead of the lack of a source of funds.
I have been employed at an early age. The thing I am most lacking is discipline. I also lack sound decisions.
Furthermore, I am and sadly, still am impatient. But as they say, there is power in words and we have to be careful how we regard ourselves.
It is not too late. We can start from where we are. Changing the mindset into a good one is the key to bettering ourselves.
When I look at my wallet, I see no money. Whose fault that there is no money in there?
Thinking about my life, I feel some self-pity. I seem to have enjoyed my life without thinking further into the future.
But then again, we learn from our experiences. Somehow, I feel thankful for all the realizations.
Being broke even before consulting with the doctor is just so embarrassing.
I have taken out a loan yet again. A thing I promised not to do again. But it can't be helped. Health is of utmost importance.
I will have to review my insurance policy to know when to be able to use it.
Still, I feel very grateful. Despite all the struggles, I can acknowledge the things I can make better.
I was starting to consider emergency funds and other important funds.
I used to just shrug my shoulders but now it is different. We are maturing. Hoping we will be able to finally proceed to the saving stage.
A lot to learn, a lot to discipline. But we will take things and days one at a time.
Changing the mindset is all in the mind. And we can do it!
A day longer than a day
I came to understand daytime as something which is not night. Like how a child sees it, I believed the day is part of the cycle when the sun is up in the sky.
Of course before, like anybody else, I thought that the world is flat. I didn't even know that the sun isn't moving.
It was until elementary that I came to learn that the world is round.
But what I would like to ask you is that, why does a day in an adult life different from that of a child?
The sun went down many hours ago yet I am still up fixing things up and rushing chores.
Maybe, I would like how it was before when I would sleep so early in the evening and meet the dawn with coffee and yawn.
But...
My day today is longer than a day. Even after learning in math that x is equal to x and that x is not longer than x.
Scratch that. It is stressing me even more thinking about x and x and the logic behind math.
I am lucky that my bleeding stopped. After using the antibacterial feminine wash, I felt the relief and the bleeding was gone.
Still, this day is way too long for me. It seemed like I had two days combined in a day.
And right now, I still have the juice to write it out. Oh, c'mon, self.
I guess it is time to sleep and rest the body to avoid complaining again about this and that.
I paid my due thru BCH
At long last, I was able to pay my due to a good friend. She loaned me BCH before. Now, I paid it in full. No, I added a little more. Let us just say it was for the interest.
She wasn't demanding any interest, but out of gratitude, I added a little more.
Now I am wondering how I can treat my BCH better. I wish I could understand the picture more holistically.
But then I needed more time learning about crypto and the market.
Now that I have paid my due, I am planning to accumulate some BCH and see how I can deal with it.
It would be almost impossible to not convert to fiat but I should at least set aside some for the future.
I am a little afraid of how others regard this coin.
If only we were truer to ourselves we would be able to appreciate and see its better features than where it was forked from (not sure about my terms, need more research).
Let us hope that, we, as users and recipients of BCH rewards on this platform, will be able to learn more and defend this coin.
I just have high hopes that when the time comes, we will also be able to give back to the community.
I don't know for you but I have been benefitting from this platform tremendously.
I keep racking my brain about how someone could be generously generous. If you can put it that way.
Something big's coming, I suppose. Or that someone's faith is just so great in something that it intrigues me how things will go in the distant future.
It is just very contagious that I am thinking of setting aside some funds, later on, to also support those beginning bloggers or anyone willing to use these kinds of platforms.
Not so soon but someday.
Giving back, someday, somehow.
The friend from whom I obtained the BCH loan was also the one who introduced me here.
I asked how she was and she said she is just so busy with her studies. She was accumulating or mining other coins and it bothered me somehow.
But she gave her word that she was not abandoning this platform and the BCH. She will come back but not now.
Hmmm... I am just so opposite a dogmatic person ao I hope to have a more solid understanding about this and that so that I can campaign what I really believe in.
Love the body that houses the soul
It's embarrassing to admit. But before, I've always complained about my thickly callused feet. And more ugliness in my body.
I thought I was just an unlucky one for not being graced with a better skin type or feet.
I also felt helpless about my excessive sweating and my seemingly uncontrollable weight gain.
I thought again. There must be something that I could do to beautify this body of mine.
Well, it is not to say that I am ugly but I was just being too concerned about my negative attributes.
In all honesty, my feet have had a deep impact on my self-esteem. Also my sweating and overweight body.
One day, I just felt over-enthusiastic scrubbing my feet with a bath towel. I did it over and over.
The next time I took a bath, I repeated what I did previously. Voila! My callused feet were becoming whiter. Haha!
I felt joyous, of course. I told you it was embarrassing. Having to bear such problem for a very long time then.
The thing though was that I wasn't too happy still because of the sweat problem.
I have read that coffee and other caffeinated beverages would contribute to sweating so I stopped taking coffee.
Sadly, it didn't alleviate my sweat problem.
My weight gain. Oh... How I feel so perenially helpless about this thing! Every time, I would feel impatient about losing weight.
Suddenly, I just felt too tired of complaining! I gave up and just told myself that I can just be beautiful the best way I can. Who says I can't be?
At least my feet are looking good now. What more should I ask? Right?
With regards to my sweat, it is genetic. My brother suggested that I also take sage tree plant as it was the doctor's suggestion to him.
We have the same case with my brother. I still haven't tried the sage plant though.
Good thing my older sister had the initiative to plant the sage tree in their yard after getting some from our brother.
I can just try to take that anytime I plan to start. We are hoping it will do a miracle for our sweat problems.
Going back to my weight, what is my problem? Tell me? I am alive and well despite having some problems down there.
My weight shouldn't be a problem at all! I can just exercise. And eat healthily. I want to scold my ass for simply sitting most of the time.
If there is a will, as they say, there is a way...
I used to be slim during my adolescent years until my early adulthood.
But it is different now that I have entered the sedentary lifestyle. I have a sedentary job and I can't just play running games with kids in the neighborhood which might make me lose weight. Silly!
So I really needed to make effort for goodness' sake.
And yes, I will be visiting the doctor for my check-up any day next week.
The moral lesson I got from all these anxieties and woes is that the best we can do is to love the body that houses our soul.
If we do such a thing, we could do so much more for ourselves than we can imagine.
Right now, I am looking at my feet and I feel very amused.
After all that I have done, from foot spa to consultations, all there was that should have been done from the very start was to scrub them using our abundantly so many bath towels.
So long, callused feet. Perhaps I will never see you again?
I diligently apply petroleum jelly at night. I am still unsure if my feet are already callus-free but I am just satisfied with how they look now. Teehee!
I have a body. A complete one at that! I may be a little sick on some parts but aren't doctors there for healing patients?
Again, when we do love the body that houses the soul, we do things that make us the best we can be.
Grateful soul in here. Thank you! Thank you.
Plans for checkup
Bleeding down below. It is scary. For one, you'll get stressed it might make you sick. Another is the expected checkup that you need to go for.
Honestly, I don't have not enough budget for things like this. But then again, it has already come to this point and I have to set some dime for it.
The first line of defense is the pad that I needed to use not to stain my undies. Of course, I also needed to regard my belongings well.
No matter what we have to keep ourselves hygienic as it will help us feel better.
I purchased a feminine wash in case it will improve my symptoms as I go through my plan for a checkup.
Monday, if I am lucky, will be the day I will be checked if I am lucky that walk-in patients are allowed.
If not Monday, it will be on a Wednesday. Tuesday is a little hectic but I can find time after 2 pm. Though that may already be so late in the afternoon if I line up and all.
I will have to get my urine checked beforehand. I may go through a series of lab tests to rule out possible diseases. That will be better I suppose.
I will be trying to get my house cleaned and tidied up by outsiders as it will give me more time to rest in case it will help me with my condition.
My husband is not here with me for the time being as he is away for work. One time or another, I have to call him and explain what I am going through.
It is sometimes challenging to make men understand our predicament but It is not impossible to let them see what we are going through as females.
I will just call him after my checkup so I will have the doctor's words to back up my vocabulary.
I can rely on the findings of the doctor and the recommended measures for healing to be the things I will explain to my husband.
I hope this will pass. I will be healed from this and will move on without having to deal with it again.
Of course we can never say that with precision and we can only hope for yhe best.
So here is to hoping everything will be alright after the checkup!
Be gentle with the self
You have been gentle to your peers. So far so good. Okay, alright. You did a good job. Your social skills are winning you a lot of friends or comrades.
Now, let us see... How have you been treating yourself so far? Did you eat well? Did you wash your face or brush your teeth?
Did you slow down a bit to check on yourself? Did you make sure your kitchen utensils were clean before you used them?
Did you tell yourself it's okay when you messed up some big task? Did you perhaps side with yourself when you know you did your best?
We do admit our mistakes when we know we were in the wrong. But sometimes, we also have to defend ourselves especially when we feel there is not enough reason to put us down.
It is not to insist that we are always right. It's just that we should also see to it that we are treating ourselves right.
We know our weaknesses. At the same time, we know where we can excel.
If someone puts us down because of the things we aren't able to accomplish, we should know how to fend for ourselves.
There is no use putting ourselves down. We should be gentle with ourselves and assure ourselves that we can make up for our weaknesses.
If we have the good heart to defend others against offenders, then we should have a bigger heart regarding ourselves in a positive light.
Besides, it is when we care for ourselves first that we can extend our hands to help others.
It is not to say that we should be selfish. That's a different matter.
In whatever season of life, being gentle with ourselves will allow us to also see others with a more passionate heart.
Well, well, well, here comes the reason why I am writing this.
I am having vaginal bleeding and I suspect that this has something to do with the way I treated myself over the last decade.
Very soon every after giving birth, I would resume my daily activities even feeling some sort of pride that "see, I am already strong enough even right after giving birth!"
I do admit that I am overdoing things. I would carry heavy things and I would dare wash clothes being exposed to water for longer than necessary.
Plus I didn't want a lot of guests to attend because I wasn't in the mood to deal with them.
In truth, I wasn't that strong enough because I would feel pain here and there and if I were more honest with myself before, I would say I needed the most help.
But years went and those became history.
And now, I am having vaginal bleeding. For some reason, I am attributing it to my rough treatment of myself.
I now hear echoes of voices from elders advising me before to seek help for as long as I had someone to help.
Help in the sense that they would temporarily do things for me while I was healing.
To cut the story short, I always dismissed such advice saying to myself that I was strong. That I didn't need unnecessary intervention.
Look at me now, contemplating whether to go to the hospital or the clinic.
Oh yes, I have plans to have myself checked. Otherwise, I am just another hypocrite. Saying this and that yet I am not being gentle with myself.
Haven't I learned my lesson? I will be seeing a doctor, particularly an OB-Gyne.
And here is to hoping that this will be very treatable. I dearly hope that it is not too late for me.
The bleeding isn't that heavy but I see some abnormalities. Or if not abnormalities, I see unusual things.
I feel slightly sharp pain somewhere near the perineum where my birth cut was located and also somewhere around the area.
There is some itching and burning sensation. Somehow, I am thankful that it is very manageable and that I still function like usual.
All the better so I still have comfort while going for checkups. I wouldn't wait for it to go worse, right? While it is still manageable, I should already take action.
Now that it has come to this, I have to be very patient and thorough with procedures. Work can wait. I mean, my job can wait for me to get healed. We only have a life.
I guess it is time to spoil the self. Once in a while, let us do this. But making sure that we should always be gentle with ourselves.
Give me a new set of eyes
This old one's not doing good. It sees greedily, it does not appreciate. It has no patience. It only wants immediate gratification.
Give me a new pair of eyes so I may see the good in everything. I want to appreciate what I have right now. But with these worn-out eyes, I can't see.
What has damaged these pair of eyes into what it has become now?
What has dazzled them and made them partially blinded?
In a world where no one seems to see patience as a virtue, it is easy to succumb to immediate temptations.
Waking up to the truth is of the utmost importance. Once we fail to recognize that our eyes are failing us, we might eventually fall into the pit of self-destruction.
Thus, I am asking for a new pair of eyes so that I may be able to see the truth as it is. That patience is a virtue.
We have to practice endurance for us to see victory from time to time.
We have to acknowledge that it takes effort to come out of situations unscathed.
With endurance, effort, and patience, added to wisdom built over the years and applied through situations, we can say that we have matured and overcame the baits and tricks thrown at us.
But how can we see all those if our eyes are covered with mud? How can we discern if our eyes are covered with walls and foolishness?
Yet we do things that curb the truth and get far from the right way, the right path.
We deliberately do what is wrong.
What has caused us to be this stubborn?
Yet we can never ask for a new pair of eyes. We can never exchange what we already have.
All that must be done is treat the sick eyes and wish for it's betterment.
Walk and jog in place
I need to exercise. I need to move around. Fidget if I must. I have to. If I don't want to shorten my life further.
I used to be fidgety but now no more. Yet it is something I must have again to be able to add movement to my routine.
The danger in these times is doubling or tripling our sedentariness before we know it.
That short walk you postponed for another day became a thing postponed for the next year.
As soon as we become aware of such it would be best to take action. It's now or never.
Walk in place. Jog in place. These can do the work for now. At least something is being done.
We can also deliberately walk from here to there. Maybe from the house to somewhere near. Do it over and over.
We have to bring out the sweat. We have to work it out and be physical.
Little by little, we will get used to moving. Hoping it will be the new routine.
Whatever movement we make, let us include the feeling of gratitude that we still have the gift of life to enjoy.
One day, we will perish and disappear forever. It is just but proper to fight for the only life that we have.
It makes a difference for the world if we keep ourselves healthy. That one man or woman who changed his or her lifestyle for the better has made a great impact on the betterment of the world.
Equally important is our mental health. As we make effort to improve our physical health, we are also doing it for our emotional and mental health.
One change, a positive one can make a great change overall in our well-being.
We tend to fantasize about great shapes and voluptuous bodies. If we can just work towards it, why not?
It is a problem we have to overcome. It is alright to fantasize as this could be our guiding program but just fantasizing is not enough.
We have to do the work. We have to make effort. A little something every little way we can make a big difference.
So what are we waiting for? Let us jog in place while we feel our sweats trickle down our faces.
Let us feel our bodies moving.
For a change, we can also record ourselves and see how we do our thing.
No effort, no gain! So let's keep moving!
I became different
I used to be slim. Now I am fat. I used to be fidgety. Now I am fixed to a point.
I used to eat and then stop when I'm full. Now I still eat even when I am full.
I used to plan every step of my day. Now I became simultaneous and keep forgetting things now and then.
I used to love only you. Now I have a lot on my plate to even think of you.
I used to think that life is as simple as eating and sleeping. Now I know why a person needs to work hard.
I used to love only the sunshine. Now I love both rain and the sun.
I used to hate crowded places. Now I know when I need it and when I don't.
I used to be so narrow-minded. Now I see things in a different light.
I used to think that writing is hard. Now it's the only hobby that I have. I thought I had to have perfect grammar and words, but I now see that I can work first with what I have.
I used to invite my friends over on occasions, but now I learned to celebrate on my own.
I used to dream high and grand. Now all I want is a nice bed at night and a complete set of groceries.
I used to please people with what I do. I learned that integrity should be observed instead of popularity.
I used to post unnecessary stuff on Facebook. Now I only share important announcements and happenings.
I used to read the preface and the intro. Now I am asking, do you have suspense novels and nice stories in there?
Bring me to the waters
Come rain, drop your bags, pour them down, and let water flow. Come rain, come carry me away.
Take me to the waters... Where the sea meets the sky. I want to swim forever. There will be no goodbyes!
I like to swim in the waters, it helps me float and be carried away. With the tide, with the current, flowing in the direction.
I wish the life I have lived so far was a life worth dying for.
But alas! I shouldn't speak in the past tense for I am still here and here I'll be... Telling the rain to come to carry me away.
Away to the blue ocean where real sharks and big fishes stay.
I don't wish for some gills, it's pointless, I can't use it anyway. Because in the end, I will just be a dreamer.
But come rain and wash the pain away, away to the oasis where pain belongs.
I got no foe or enemy to have a dispute with and I don't love such incidences. But there is still the pain that I keep creating to keep living.
But now, I want that self-inflicted pain to be gone for good and I will just go to the waters to swim and have a good time.
I say unto the rain, why do you keep me thinking?
But the rain can't respond. It doesn't have a mouth to speak in the very first place.
Sometimes my heart feels glad for the pouring of the rain. Sometimes I feel sad. But everything, I feel the serenity of life wrapping all around me.
And I sincerely say, bring me to the waters so I can wash my eyes...
Note: I am merely practicing my play with words. No significant meanings yet to most of the lines. But I am hoping this practice will not go to waste. Someday I will have a better output.
This is the hermit, signing off!
As long as I have it
I will wake up in the morning. I will brush my teeth. I will wash my face. Cook what I have planned for breakfast. Eat. Take a bath after resting a while. Then go where I should go.
Or.
I will wake up. Fold my beddings. Sweep the room. I will go for some exercise. Get back and drink my coffee.
Or.
I will just sleep and wake up late. And take a bath and go somewhere for breakfast.
I could go on thinking about how I will wake up in the morning. I realized that having these options and still deciding is one indication that I am still very much alive.
It's okay to be torn between silly choices. What isn't is not having the enthusiasm to plan and try?
While there is life, there is hope. And while we can, we should harbor joy in life.
Just be grateful from within
I was once a braggart. And I experienced rejection, being an outcast most of my younger days. Just because of dislike coming from people who get pissed by braggarts like me.
I didn't understand much about what was happening before. I only felt as if they were avoiding me though no open fault has been declared.
I just had to sense and not act dense to move one. It hurts, you know. But growing up, I am beginning to grasp the situation.
And I begin to hear things such as no one is truly happy for someone else's achievement except perhaps his father or mother.
Even siblings get jealous.
Now before I go on with my article, let me just inject a little something that is coming from a more mature me.
Someone can actually be happy for others' achievements. Those who truly love the person. And those who understand enough about life.
Truly, when we start maturing, we also start analyzing situations evenly and we can see how and why others act this or that.
A kid who just learned to form the Rubik's cube has been bragging about it.
I took him to the side. I asked him if he was happy. He said he was. I told him to act modestly and to never brag about his new ability.
I am not sure if he listens but I hope he will.
I told him to just be grateful from within that he was able to finally solve the puzzle.
But truly, I am happy for him. I added that he suspend his joy first as I will acquire soon a four-by-four puzzle.
We will see if he will also be able to get the gist. Maybe it will take more time but as long as he eventually learns as well, then that would be more than enough.
As I get older, I begin to realize that true joy is felt within. We don't have to brag about anything.
Well, we can enjoy the glory for as long as we want but we should give full credit to the one who made us who we are.
In doing so, we will be blessed more.
So whenever we have something, whenever we achieve something, let us just be grateful from within...
Candy sounds good in the mouth but wait until you see...
Oh, these kids are just so stubborn. They do not listen well.
I keep commenting on how much they consume candy and that it isn't healthy but they just won't listen.
Okay, so it sounds pretty crunchy when chewed in the mouth. Or that it becomes delicious as it melts in the mouth.
Moderate consumption may be alright but candy every day is not healthy at all.
One time or another, they will experience toothache and they might get tonsillitis. Depends on how it affects the body.
Sure, they may have good hygiene but it isn't a guarantee that they won't be sick.
Another day and they come again with lollipops on their mouths. Aunt, do you want a lollipop? No thanks, I am good.
The reason I am so against their candy consumption is that I have experienced diseases related to too much consumption of sweets.
Now they also won't listen to me.
Okay, I understand. I just hope in time, my remarks will ring in their ears.
Tonsilitis is terrible.
Toothache, much much more terrible.
Other throat problems, terrifying.
I don't understand why we don't listen at all to our elders. Me included.
I might have my tonsils removed soon. I hope it won't get to that.
Meanwhile, I have to be diligent in drinking warm water. It magically flushes toxins away.
Let us all take care of our health.
Be discerning and kind
Let go of whatever is hurting you. What you need to do is know what it is. What is hurting you? What is holding you back from letting go?
Be good to people. Let kindness be your guide in making peace with your surroundings.
Swallow the bitter taste. Be discerning and kind.
Look at yourself... Are you okay? What has been triggering you to act negatively?
Don't judge people easily. Don't force your opinions on others. Remember that doing that could lead to impaired relationships and the breaking of ties.
Don't let your airiness swindle you away from the good relationships you have had with others.
Give chance to others. Don't lock yourself out. Be calm and cool while you are figuring out what to do.
Be good and be discerning.
Let time heal whatever wound you have. Let people see that what you're fighting for may be right after all. If not, it has a chance of being put to good use with some altercations.
Don't use shortcuts for your cause. Don't use violence either. Don't use disruptive ways.
Remember to always keep peace in the highest regard. You can't overthrow a system overnight.
Be kind and discerning. After everything is said and done, we only want one thing--peace at the end of the road.
Believe the world will again be good. Don't be stupid and a fool. Don't let judgment be your breakfast and bitterness your lunch. Don't let anger be your dinner. All those will let ailments get to you.
Be good and be discerning.
Is this a plain lack of creativity or this is just normal?
What feeling is this one?
Let me just describe it without first consulting Google or other internet sites...
I feel unusually gloomy. It is as if I have robbed myself of all things that might make me happy.
With the things I used to fantasize about, I have lost my appetite.
I feel cold and sick. And I don't feel joy at all. I feel like I am at the bottom.
I feel like those whom I want to love me don't care about me at all.
I feel so outright ugly and that the past doesn't matter anymore because of how I look at the present.
I feel dejected. Being held back by I know not what.
I feel so down. I feel so unappreciated.
I feel as if I have no striking quality at all.
I feel as if I have not thought anything to my students. I feel as if I have not done my best at all.
Or are these guilt feelings or sighs of helplessness for indeed not doing my best?
I feel very sick. Such that one last smoke would lead me to the other side. Although I have not smoked anymore since decades ago.
I feel so powerless. I hate the activist's stance. As if they are ready to strike anyone who doesn't share their beliefs.
I am torn between the parties. I have no say at all yet I can't rant at all.
I want peace despite wanting to voice my stance. I just could not.
And I am feeling so dejected and lost.
Is there a sun that is willing to wait for me out there?
Will someone ever understand the deepest sigh in my mouth?
Does this wall perhaps discern what I am heading for?
Should I go to a psychologist?
Should I not care anymore?
Why do I feel so overwhelmed? Can't I just get moving and fix what I can while I still have time?
I feel cold, sick, and robbed of happiness both by myself and by others. Perhaps, unknowingly...
Don't give up on yourself. I hear the echo of my friends' supposed advice in case I told them all these things. Yet I did not tell them how I am feeling.
Perhaps, some will talk me out smoothly. And I hate that.
In the end, I didn't want help from the outside. Oh, I believe I want help! But I am afraid they won't do what I like them to do for me.
To just listen and listen and listen and listen until I will be the one to tell them I am all good.
How nice of them if that will be... Yet I am not confident at all.
I know some who can absorb and just like that, they don't tell on me to others. I would have wanted to converse with that friend.
But then, there will be a great price to pay. I can't pay that.
Now I turn myself on the wall. No, this very wall I am writing on. This virtual wall. May I give my gratitude to you?
I owe you for now, back then, and I guess, forever. I will owe you forever...
For giving me such a place to talk, despite my silence, I thank you very much!
And to answer the question I asked myself if this is a plain lack of creativity or if this is just normal, I honestly think this happens from time to time to a lot of people...
Till then, Great Wall. Be still until I return for another article...
If it preserves, how come it doesn't preserve itself first
Just asking guys. Or say some silly thoughts. I was just frustrated over these garlic cloves that are getting damaged.
I got it alright. Before they could do their job well, they also should be cared for.
I have to also have some measures to be able to preserve these things that could preserve food.
Besides, it doesn't work as simple as that. Hehe.
I was just in some sort of mood for wordplay, hence the title.
To refrain from buying bits and pieces of these together with onions and gingers, I do buy them in bulk.
Most of the time, some get damaged when I don't realize I have not been using much of them.
I plan to preserve the first, if not, give them to the neighbors so they will be used.
I just really have some issues with budgeting and planning for food. It drains the energy away as if I didn't want to spend it at all.
Too bad we have to budge and plan. Besides, out of impulse, we buy unnecessary things. It is then way better to budget and plan.
Ours for this lunch would be squash.
Of course, I needed garlic for the aroma. I put oil first after heating the pan, I allowed it there for a few moments then I put garlic, crashed.
I then put the squash, sliced in rectangular shapes around 1 to two centimeters on each side.
I cooked it the usual way, put salt to taste then there, we have squash for lunch!
I told the young kids at home to behave and eat what is being served at the table. If they have complaints, they will first tell me what is wrong with the viand.
We had meat last night anyway so vegetables for lunch would be very much okay!
We also have pineapples. What more will they ask for?
Just that if we could also be able to make these supplies last for a few more days, the better.
But we have no refrigerator right now so I will have to decide how to consume them. Create a schedule and give out what needs to be given out.
Do you want squash?
Catch it!
Do you want pineapple?
Catch it also!
How about chayote?
Catch!!!
Let us have lunch with squash! Happy eating everyone!
You declare your hands clean then...
You say you have a clear conscience. You say you are just and fair. You say you never were into corruption. Yet your mouth invalidates everything.
No one is perfect. And although we don't use that as an excuse to commit anomalies, it will almost be impossible for us to say that we are clean.
Brothers and sisters, when we talk, let us not be arrogant. Let us not belittle our race. Let us not belittle people.
Let us not use our degrees and honors to mock those who have not stepped into formal education. No matter what, we have no power but to do what we can to win people's hearts.
Not all will see what you are showing them especially if you pose arrogant and imperious.
Because now and then, gentleness will speak a thousandfold compared to your forcing your insights on others.
Funny how when you lose, you begin to utter foul words that invalidate your stance further.
Be sports. Otherwise, advise the body to not accept files at all if you think they do deserve any office. That you should do if you claim that others are not qualified enough.
It is with the system that you should complain. Not with people who just want to try their luck.
Till next time... Hope we all learn not to be arrogant and to simply focus on promoting what we want to promote.
The mind not prone to being corrupted
When a person's mind has been planted with good thoughts and has been sown with good seeds, there is a strong possibility that that mind will not be corrupted.
As young as we were, our parents have instilled in us values and lessons that they know would launch us to the good life.
As we are growing, we hear their words wherever we go, echoing into the midst of our souls telling us to always choose the good.
At times, we fall into temptations. We momentarily forget what we were taught and we even rebel sometimes.
But we always tend to go back home. Home to the teachings of our parents and loved ones.
It is too good to say incorruptible mind. So I modified my initial title which was supposed to be, "The Incorruptible Mind." I modified it.
Some priceless value taught to us is to never touch what isn't ours. Well, it is almost impossible to apply that literally. But it means that we should not steal from others.
Be it money, possessions, or even people. We shouldn't steal them if they belong to others.
There is no joy anyway knowing that it isn't yours. The conscience will make it even harder to steal. Being taught good values, it almost seems natural to just leave belongings as they are if they are not ours.
I won't say that I am perfect either. But at least I was taught to practice integrity over other things.
In exams, I didn't cheat. Back when I was at school. And I still got good grades. I studied with all that I have.
No, it wasn't perfectly clean either. I attempted to cheat on a history subject during a quiz. For some reason, dates and incidents didn't have a good place in my memory. I know it was out of lack of reading and confidence on that part that swayed me to attempt cheating.
Our teacher saw what we were doing and we became embarrassed at once. I never did it again. Our teacher never called us out and she didn't make a big deal of it.
Still, I didn't feel good thinking about it. I even wondered why she didn't scold us. But maybe, she just wants to silently discipline us. And she didn't want to scare us.
I tell young people that when they cheat, the weight of the act will be in them. If they get high grades, they should not be proud of it. Because it was out of mischief that they got it.
They shouldn't complain either. Because they did an outrageous thing. They should first quit their cheating before being able to feel pride in their achievements.
Just that, in movies we often see people stealing other people's ideas, not crediting the rightful owners, and even committing unbelievable acts.
It is with the hope that we learn to sow in our children the values that must be taught to them. Otherwise, we see our nation crumble if all we witness is cheating and lies.
Wondering yonder
Adulting taking its toll... The times before I am thinking about it but what for?
I cannot just go every time I think of you--my hometown, my town.
Papers have been laid out, I know not how to just fold right. I need to take responsibility as it is the career I have chosen for myself.
Times have changed. Things have changed. People, situations, views, and so on.
I am not against such but I am missing so much. Just nostalgic as they call that kind of feeling.
I am missing the times that I play with rope made with ate bine of camote. I recall those times we can't buy but we don't sigh. Just giggle and try.
Wondering when I will go home. But whatever the case it will never be the same.
At times I become thankful for the problems that life brings. It makes me forget the nostalgia and focus and have my problems solved.
In times of struggle, my eyes become covered. And I don't see or miss much of my past.
But sitting here like this, in the afternoon on a sunny Sunday, makes me wonder yonder. What could have been? What must have I done?
I should at least be appeased. My batchmates created a GC for just us classmates before. But then it never eases the sentiment.
I don't reply, and I don't interact. I don't recognize the adults there. In their younger years, we were my friends and allies.
Somehow, they're somewhat different. And it makes me sigh how much many of them have changed.
Though a lot more has preserved their signatures. With that I am happy.
Some have married. Some have not. They tease each other. And I just read. I was an outcast. Though not. Because I eat donuts. It has made me fat and nuts.
They suggested a reunion, it has never happened. Well, it has but just for some. Not everyone has gone to the gathering of the batch.
Understandable. I did not go. I readied an excuse. No one asked. I saw the pictures. They have all had a blast. But it's different than before.
I missed the old, memories and the kids. Who have been my playmates? Even though we were enemies. Flowers unfolding, varieties and bees. But I enjoyed such as we play silly games and laughed behind boys' backs.
Those days...
Say sorry first
Two siblings, they're known to fight each other as if they're mouse and cat.
But this afternoon, I happen to witness their cute moment. At least they also have this kind of scene.
The boy locked the girl's phone and the girl pleaded with her brother to unlock her phone.
The boy said, say sorry first.
Sorry! Responded her sister.
Then they laughed about something.
A moment later, the boy shouted at her sister. There they go again.
Close the door! He demanded from his sister.
Alright! In a while! She retorted.
The girl came out of the room grinning. But she closed the door anyway lest her brother comes after her.
Hmmm... Makes me remember my younger years as well. Fighting endlessly with my siblings until such time we realized how bad that was. Not cute at all!
My eldest sister recounted what we did wrong before. Not helping one another and continually bashing each other.
Still, I am thankful we retained good memories despite those endless fights and ruses.
We're close with each other and although we still have misunderstandings we still choose to make peace and act as if nothing happened.
Although the two siblings earlier fight a lot, the sister cooks for her brother and invites him over to eat when done cooking.
They have a store to watch so I witness all kinds of their ordeals when I stand by their store.
Their mother disciplines them but they just really can't stop fighting.
When they become older, they will realize what they've been doing in their younger years.
Sugar so sweet, I just can’t help it
Sugar so sweet, someone just can’t help it. She puts a spoonful of it in her cup of coffee, in an attempt to sweeten it and drink it. And her throat hurts like crazy.
She tells herself not to do it again. But again and again she does it. And what has she gained from it? It is nothing but hurting throat and sticky phlegm.
She tries to expel the substance that has accumulated, but she needed help so she can expel it. She puts a pinch of salt on a hot cup of water and blows the steam to come up to her nose and inhale exhale until it gets warmer before she drinks it.
She does the act a few times more within the duration of the night.
Morning comes and it’s time for a cup of coffee. Oh no! Don’t do it again. Sweet old girl. You’ll destroy your throat and you’ll go seeking help yet again from a hot cup of water. You’ll keep peeing during the night and you won’t get a good night’s sleep. You’ll become older than your age.
But because sugar is so sweet, she just can’t help it. So she does it again. Let’s us see how long she will last.
Creating a way for a holiday
Maybe we can just create our own holidays.
Come to think of it... If we allow ourselves to always get a good night’s sleep every time the sun goes down, then we may be able to have unlimited holidays for ourselves.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s just that, there are many aspects of life that’s surprising me nowadays. So let me just state these based on how I will put my perspectives.
Last night, I was into a very long dream. I woke up this morning realizing that I have had a blast. I saw someone who hasn’t been in my memory in a long time but seeing him has been refreshing. He was nothing sort of a lover to me, just someone I knew from before but I was very delighted to see him.
With my colleagues (those who were unlikely to be my friends has been there in my dream as my friends) and that young boy (or was he a teen or in early twenties?) we went to some Korean restaurant and after eating and all, perhaps not, we went our own separate ways.
Few more occurrences happened I guess in that dream but the last part wasn’t as memorable as the other parts.
Anyway, when I woke up this morning, I was a little more rested than the previous days.
I used to drink 3 or more cups of coffee per day. Then it has gradually decreased to only one cup per day until yesterday, I forgot my cup of coffee. Then that dream came. I thought maybe, I slept deeper given that I cut on coffee the previous day.
It is understandable that coffee is a habit hard to let go. But in my case, I didn’t think twice decreasing my intake because of some throat issues. I had to take in lesser than usual and I think, it gave beneficial results.
To make it clearer, I have been drinking the commercial instant coffee. I doubt that is the same with the brewed one. If maybe I was regularly drinking brewed without too much sugar and creamer, then it might have been somehow different. But the one I am talking about that I almost quit on was the instant coffee.
I am thinking of resorting to brewed coffee with very little sugar just to taste. I am planning to totally let go of the instant one. Maybe, I will drink that only once in a year or twice perhaps. I will shift to brewed.
Back to the unlimited holiday I was referring to, I believe that it is our choice whether we want to have a holiday for ourselves or not.
For me, just for me, I see now that sleeping full hours in the night could be a holiday. In this world that is hectic and with a lot of commitments, making an excuse to sleep is a good way to rest and rejuvenate.
It is work-at-home mode for the many nowadays. Right? It is for me. Ever since 2020, in the early part of the year, we were advised to work at home and indeed we took that. Almost all transactions have been done virtually.
Now that I think about it, I only worried about house chores and job-related stuffs. I didn’t think much of the possible perks of it aside from being able to oversee the happenings at home, I can just do what I can during the day and sleep at night without worrying if I will be late for work the next day or not.
Thankfully, there were those supposed perks. Gosh, how I have been taking them for granted.
I used my economic situation as a reason to defy the night and so I have been getting wrinkles and older-than-my-age look. If only I have enjoyed sleep and only worked during the day, except of course for unexpected situations, then I wouldn’t have had to look worriedly on the mirror.
I guess we just had to let go of a lot of thoughts and try to get ourselves a lot of rest and, yes, that may count as our holidays.
We paid a great price for such
Imagine a young girl holding nothing but sticks and mud. She runs around the hill and waits in hiding behind the bush.
She sees her friend and throws mud at her. They both laugh together. They then go together to the body of water to wash up.
They begin another round of teasing and playing around. This time, by splashing water on each other.
At the end of the wholesome play, they go home worrying about how their parents might them.
Let us just keep quiet and obey whatever they will tell us, suggested the more optimistic kid. Aha, agreed on the other one.
After being scolded by both their parents after they went home separately, they felt tired and needed to sleep. They first ate their dinner and helped fixed the utensils. They went to sleep.
Of course, they just wished well for each other. No means of communicating right how we do it now.
They have no phones and they weren't bothered by them. Why? Because it was a scene long before the dawn of cheaper gadgets where anyone can just buy them.
During this time, kids still play with the elements found on the earth.
More demure kids may opt for colors and paint. While yet wilder ones may go for more physical games.
The girls who can't afford a garter may just go for 'high jump' by using long sticks.
So many games and forms of entertainment but away from the screen and radiation.
Nowadays, we are paying a great price for buying gadgets for our kids in top of the financial burden that I gives to parents who can't afford them.
Hoping we will be able to assess the possible threats for long exposure to the different gadgets.
Have the courage to be real
Acting true to ourselves may sometimes be daunting and hard. We may face criticisms and absorb unusual remarks.
But the good news is, as long as we keep our integrity intact, then there should be no worries about acting according to what is real to us.
Despite criticisms from some, you may find sympathy from others.
Most of the time, people don't express themselves freely just for the reason of fearing what might be said of them.
But then again, keeping integrity is the key to acting with conviction.
Let us take, for example, the things we do on the internet. We post pictures that are filtered and edited.
Someone who suddenly posts a raw picture without editing or what may have lesser likes but if it is genuine, it may eventually win the hearts of the many.
There is no need to be pressured by what we see or hear. No one is demanding that we become skinny and bones. That is just terrible.
You don't have to skip meals just to get to the unrealistic expectations of what a beautiful body is.
We have to accept that lifelong healthy habits will be the ones to lead us to a healthy outlook in life, having a healthy body and mind.
We have to accept the reality that we have to work to gain something.
If then, say, we have not worked out and did not at the moment achieve yet a toned body, then that is just alright. We don't have to be mad at ourselves and just try to be gentle and try again.
Why do we go after something that isn't for us? If our height is just as it is, do we have to pose on social media as if we were taller?
No offense to people making good use of tricks of the media and maximizing its editing capacity of it. What I am getting at is that we don't have to stress over it.
It is a nice thing if we are good at editing but we should do it only when necessary.
I believe that there are things that should be kept naturally in their state.
But then again, we can't blame how many are so influenced by vanity. I may just be the one in the wrong position here.
But somehow, I have learned from my experience of trying so hard yet the more I try harder, the lesser appreciation I receive.
I realized that I shouldn't rely so much on validation. I am what I am and I have standards that I am following, keeping in mind that I don't have to bend if I am already aching on the knee.
Listening both to our body and conscience will keep us from faking ourselves.
It could not be helped if we needed to fake things. Our intentions are what matters in some instances like those. But be sure to fix things up before we go to a point of no return.
Keep it fresh with with a smile
Mida looked herself in the mirror and saw a rather older woman than what she was expecting to see. She began to tell herself to just accept the reality that she isn't young-looking anymore.
Mida got married at an early age and she didn't realize that fact. I spent only two decades roaming around this world singly, she thought.
Does that matter now, she wondered as she prepared the bath for her daughter who is turning three this month.
She can't help but smile at the giggly little thing who is always excited to take a bath.
She is so unlike me when I was young, she sighed. She wasn't fond of taking a bath before. But her daughter is now.
She pinched her daughter's cheeks lightly with both hands and began bathing her.
Only that chore and she felt very fatigued.
What's causing me all this tiredness? She questioned herself and sighed and went to get her daughter's towel while the little one soaked herself in the remaining water. It was their custom for the girl to do that every time that there is remaining water on the pail.
It's time for your towel! The young mother dearly informed her daughter but the girl squeaked and protested.
Somehow she got her on the towel and put her on the dressing mat. She put her clothes on and of course, she did not miss the socks.
After a few more moments, the little girl went to play and Mida was left unhappy with how she was feeling.
She used to look younger than her age and she just can't get used to what she sees in the mirror now.
An unusual line of loneliness has been etched on her face and she is helpless in what she sees.
Adulting sure had taken its toll on her and she was beginning to wonder what she could have done to keep her young image.
It is not an overnight job to make herself look better.
She decided that it will be a kind of mindset that will pull her back to her once young-looking aura. She may need to ask for professional help by her pride kept her from going to a doctor.
Well, I used to be a smiling lad. I believe that was one of the reasons I have always looked younger than my age before. She started.
I will just have to recreate that habit and eat fresh fruits and vegetables. Easier said than done but it is very doable and it is not impossible. She continued.
She somehow realized how she wasn't taking any selfies at all and months would pass by when she didn't capture a single photo of herself.
It's time for a photo shoot, she thought and gracefully picked up her phone and went again to face the mirror bravely.
Silly! She scolded the mirror. I am excited to see what you can show me after I progress with my newfound passion, of doing with all my might an exercise that would propel me to my youthful-looking self. She mustered the courage to speak with pride.
It's worth a shot. Try and try until I see results. Have to keep it fresh with a smile! She smiled...
@ideallife