An option to stay or let go
Since I am a low-key figure in our community, let me take this chance here to provide my insight regarding a particular event that has just transpired in our neighborhood.
A great misunderstanding ensued between a couple. They are a few houses away from us.
This morning, I went to the usual place to drink my coffee. I just don't let the moment go that I didn't enjoy my coffee. It is always important that I drink my coffee with poise. So I went a few blocks away from my home to sit and drink my coffee.
There stand two big trunks. I asked my friend who owns the yard whose bags were those.
She responded blandly. It was indicative that she wasn't happy with seeing the trunks there.
A few moments later, elders from our place came rushing with low voices saying that a couple was fighting yet again and so the wife took her belongings and started evacuating their place.
I couldn't utter a word despite the seemingly apparent conflict and reason for it.
I told myself to just keep quiet and observe.
They say that the wife has been suspecting her innocent husband of affairs that weren't there.
With the husband's untainted reputation, you would believe that he didn't do anything of that sort. It was just the wife having unnecessary suspicions and unfounded doubts about her husband.
I didn't say anymore because regardless of the truth, I believe it was already very hard for the couple going through such an experience.
The wife eventually passed by and when the elders tried to talk her down, she just went her way and sent someone to get the trunks.
The elders didn't say anymore and it was time for me to go since I already drunk my coffee.
I still could recall the crying wife as she was walking away. The innocent husband I believe was left devastated.
According to speculations, the wife suspects the husband every incident that the husband goes home late or goes somewhere without his wife.
It seems that the wife always wanted them to be together. She may be one that you may call possessive.
But here goes my thoughts... The husband should have just given in every time the wife was suspecting him.
He should have just 'babied' his wife and told her how much he loved him. They were newly married so they needed to pass the early stage.
Once the wife stops nagging, that is an indication of some danger. It is like her saying that she has had enough and that she didn't care any longer.
But of course, when you are in the heat of the same situation, you will tend to not know what to do.
So let me just hope that the couple will make it up to each other before any more damage is done.
Maybe, the wife shouldn't be so suspicious and simply focus on other things and remain positive.
Despite all these opinions, we are still in no position to judge. We all have our circumstances and we should just also focus on our welfare.
Only the bright rays of the sun
Meanwhile, let us just be in love with the mountains, with the sunsets, with the sand, with the morning glory, and with coffee.
Let us nurture our nature-loving selves. People fade but eternity is the sun that still shines in the morning, despite our absence.
Let's turn the lights off at night, be in deep sleep, and let the morning sun boast to us its radiance.
As we sip our coffee, let us be grateful to Him. Being alive it is. Let us extend our gratefulness, let us be grateful every moment.
When all is said and done, what is left is ourselves and the confrontation of, "what now?"
So, what now? Has life been treating you well?
Take a step back and see how life is treating you well.
The stones you passed by, the pebbles you saw, the slug you wished you didn't see at home before living, the fire you noticed in the child's eye...
Can't you see? Life is treating you well indeed.
Let it be inculcated in your mind that a positive outlook is worth living for.
Leave the festivities somewhere else. Be happy with every little thing. You'll be overwhelmed by the shower of blessings.
Indulge in the remote places of the city.
It matters not where you are for as long as you smell the fragrance of your surroundings.
And now, I guess I should sleep with the lights off and let the morning sun wake me to my wakefulness.
Learning to keep it exact
So someone asked me, is it true that my data is this?
I checked records for a few moments. I then confirmed it was just right.
Under usual circumstances, I would have sweet-talked the person into accepting things just so I would make him or her feel better.
But learning from the past, it would be now best for me to refrain from filtering things out.
Let it be. Salty if salty, sweet if sweet, bland if bland, spicy if spicy. No need to try sugar coating and the like.
It is to be candid for once and to let silence do its job sometimes.
Instead of trying to calm people, let them also accept their circumstances and the truth will eventually free them.
This will need training but I need to learn it. It will save time and I don't have to keep with lies even if they are just white lies.
It is then imperative to renew my understanding of what is and what is not. For me to have a more solid defense.
Think of it as buying at a grocery store. You can't give more amount than the price. Except when you are giving tips. Likewise, you can't take more than your exact change. Maybe only a negligible amount would do.
I now believe it is better to give out accurate statements or verified ones than to assume and mindlessly distort details.
It also applies to love relationships. You should only express love to someone you are passionate about.
It will save you from unhappy marriages and wrong commitments.
Being with someone you have chemistry with is so much healthier than being with someone that someone else has chosen for you.
But of course, we don't simply rely on chemistry. But at least you shouldn't also just choose someone like your spouse for the sake of having someone. You may just focus on other things first if you have no one right now.
It saves you from undue sentiments and lamentations.
So let us learn to be exact.
It isn't as simple as eating a piece of cake
Hi! Have you ever used word processing on the web? How has your experience been?
I recently needed to use the web version of word processing because I damaged my computer and I couldn't use the offline version.
It so happened that I needed support for objects in my documents so I begin searching for articles if I can't use the online version for my need.
Indeed, I can't just use the online version because my needs aren't supported.
I then realized that I still have to use the old ways. So for now I will have to borrow devices for my editing needs. But it's okay and it's alright.
Life for others and like me perhaps isn't like eating a piece of cake.
Then again that's life.
I wondered for a long time why and I realized that business is business. Of course, nothing comes for free.
Come to think of it, when one buys a device with a specific operating system, he or she has bought so many things and features there.
Therefore, I shouldn't expect things to just work for me unless I do something for things.
Included here would be paying for services or availing of free trials.
Since I am economically unable, I will just first see suitable options for me. In time I will be able to work like before.
For now, let me just be okay with things.
Do not worry about anything
I realized that I have been a great worrier. I worry about everything in my life.
I worry about tomorrow. I worry about the future. I worry about things not getting done. I worry I might get busted.
I worry that I might displease my bosses. That I might do something which may cause termination.
I worry that I eat too much and that I look extra fat.
I worry I might not be able to get on with my job. That I am never enough no matter how hard I try.
I worry too much and I worry about that very thing too.
But it's just too tiring having to worry about everything.
It's too tempting then to just flip it and not worry about anything. But why not?
Come to think of it. One day we are alive, but who knows what happens the next?
I have a colleague. Oh, so young and still very able. I was messaging her for something. In truth, I was kind of pestering her.
Little did I know, she was there, oh, so there, fighting for life... Breathing her last. And last week on a gloomy day she passed. She passed and that was it.
I was baffled and felt guilty for my lack of concern. I thought she was just ignoring my messages... Turns out she didn't have the strength to even read them.
Oh, life... Why should I worry then? I should just live the way I should and leave the rest to Him...
And do not worry about anything. In the end, we will just perish and go to where we once were.
Let us then just live without worrying about anything.
Let life be life. Let fate be fate. Let people be.
The best we can do is just do the best we can.
One just has to be hopeful, faithful, and wise. But it doesn't mean we aren't allowed to be dumb at times.
Let's leave our worries in the woods, where lions and tigers and wild animals compete and worry for food. Let them devour our worries. Let's leave life worry-free and carefree.
I make my house enough space for myself
Maybe, I am having some sort of self-pity. I pity myself because I feel like I am pitiable. Maybe I indeed am, maybe not.
Why oh why, I get this disease from time to time. Selfmade disease. Not physical but mental and perhaps, emotional.
I am losing interest in a lot of things. Or maybe, I am just missing out on the necessary elements to enjoy life. Am I not enjoying it already? Perhaps I am, perhaps a lot is on my plate.
I do have a lot of worries. Bills, future, family, changes, shifts, etc. Mundane things, dust, piled up mails, random things. Even the messy table. I worry about lots of things and instead of simply solving some to lessen them, I come here to sulk.
And there are other considerations such as how one person looks, and how he or she interacts.
I am tempted to just stay at home and make this house enough space for myself.
I feel giddy to go out and converse with the lady next door. Yet I have things to consider.
Things aren't the same as before.
Well, I can just act as if I didn't say anything bad at all. But that is beyond me.
There's no better thing than confession and admitting to your mistakes. But even that I fail to do.
For now, I will just stay put and focus on other aspects of my life.
Shall I do yoga?
Perhaps! I've been dying to do that for like every day!
Yeah, that is it. Yoga!
A lot of possible moves I can do. Concentration postures. Relaxing, meditating. All inside my house, I can do all those.
At the end of the day I still long to be out of the prison I am creating for myself.
But for now, my empty house will house me. This is big enough, for me and my coping activities.
Soon I will go to the lady next door. And the next next door. Perhaps by then, I will have something to say.
As if we are close. No, we aren't that close. But neighbors ought to have healthy relationships even not to the level of best friends as long as they have healthy relationships.
I am glad people around aren't as aggressive as those who are very toxic.
And getting housed inside my home, they won't be minding me that much. They will just assume I have been busy with stuff and all.
That will do for now. I am having self-inflicted worries and I will deal with these worries first before going out again to mingle. And again perhaps I will say something balming to their chapped emotions.
I hope this made-up worry and disease will get healed from my system.
And this house, meanwhile, will be my abode. It should always be.
*The photo above is used as the lead image. Courtesy of Unsplash.*
Who are my options?
The election's coming. Have you prepared your list? What's your basis? What are your criteria for judging?
Good for you who has already decided. Some just can't decide and do not have any clear path on where to go during this time.
Surely it may be easy to just choose among those numbers but what is the sense if there is no purpose at all?
I wish I studied better in school when we were taking those political subjects. But all we can do is do the best we can.
As for me, I will just research all available resources and wish for the best for this nation.
It is high time to also participate in the nation's affairs. Unlike before when we were mindless and clueless.
I ask myself sometimes how selfishly I have been living my life. And I feel ashamed of myself. I have to do something as well for the betterment of this nation. Of this world. Of the universe, I exist on.
I keep living as I usually do. But age isn't approving some of my actions. There are some feelings of guilt. I assess myself in the mirror and there I see my eccentricity. I shouldn't live my life like this, I thought to myself.
Decades passed and I am still clueless. Hoping it is not ignorance that's leading me selfishly.
For once, I am hoping for a better tomorrow by doing my part and not just living off of other people's efforts and sweat.
For a more purposeful choosing of people, let's have cheers.
Blank then black
Juiced out... Why? I do not know either. Or I am too mindless to bother knowing why.
Looking for a space again. To write, to ponder upon things. So here I am, finding my place in the middle of a crowd.
No, I won't call this a crowd. They're my colleagues. The people in this group. Companions is a better term for them.
We are here in this place for something important. And while the session has not yet started, I brought out my pen to write in my notebook. Newly bought from the school's bookstore.
And my sheet goes from blank to black. It should be, for I am in the mood.
While the one on my left side ceases talking to me, and while the one on my right gets busy with her stuff, I continue to write.
I may be juiced out, by there is always a different part of my brain to squeeze. Or it might just be out of habit.
I have been doing this for years now. It was an awesome experience writing the first few times. As I go on, I get to the other curves and a lot of lessons are being learned.
It becomes sweeter as time passes by. Sometimes bitter, sometimes sour. But there is always something to write about.
So every time, my sheet goes from blank to black. And I feel thankful each time that happens. I always forgive myself when I slack off.
I just want to be thankful
For today, I would just like to be thankful for everything. Thankful for the help I have been receiving.
I want to be thankful for the life I have and for the life I have had. I want to be thankful for the opportunities given to me as well as the chances for me to redeem myself and correct my mistakes.
I thank you for all the good things and I also have to be thankful for my trials so far. At the same time, hoping to withstand the upcoming trials of life.
Sitting here in this very space I found for myself, I feel peaceful and at ease. And I just wanted to be grateful for everything.
Once in a while, there are moments like this one. Life goes on, the wheel of life spins, and inevitably we experience so many things.
And we ought to acknowledge times that we aren't on a roll.
I wish I could just keep it like this, peaceful, empty but free of toxicity.
In moments like this, I thank Him and I pray for a bearable and clean life.
And now, I just want to be thankful...
Let me just list down things I recently overcame with His help through so many people:
Excessive debt
Extreme laziness
Depression
Family problem
You may say everybody deals with such but I tell you not everybody acknowledges them. I acknowledge those and I give thanks to Him and so many others.
Live life with a thankful heart, they say. And I agree.
Let us be thankful for our life.
Only when I practice it myself
There are reasons why I can't discipline others. I always try to look at myself in the mirror and see if I am eligible enough to tell on others.
Most of the time, I am not. I am not fit at all to disciplene others.
I am an adult, and sure thing young ones needed my guidance. I can't always turn a deaf ear or blind eyes when I hear or see things.
And I come to the realization that I have no choice but to at least lead a good life, away from foul language and unethical behaviours.
It's hard. You know. I struggle to be perfect. My flaws are overflowing.
But then, this morning, I was very much ashamed of myself. Why? Because I heard one of my disciples being criticized for her discourseus attitude.
Apparently, she said something unacceptable to the seniors. And so they criticized her.
I realized no matter how imperfect I am, I still should at least care to correct them. Or suggest to them that we all need to change. At least they wouldn't be criticized for that matter.
I bowed my head and felt guilty. There were no excuses.
This makes my belief stronger that I have no choice but to what my language and be mindful of how I act especially that young people easily emulate what they see.
Should I be a role model? May be.
But then, this is challenging. Very much.
Things like these ones are easier said than done.
No matter how hard I try, I always end up saying the wrong things most of the time. No matter how many resolutions I put forward, I still say a foul thing or two.
My gestures are nowhere near perfect. I make face and snob. I can't hide what I feel.
So what face do I show with all my shortcomings? I can't pretend to be perfect. It is hypocrisy to correct others when I can't even correct myself.
It would seem fake when I scold the young ones and reprimand them for their impoliteness, disrespect, and foul language.
At this point, I just wish to hide. Let me correct myself first so I could correct others.
But when there is no choice, perhaps I can still teach values to them. I can just use "we" so I wouldn't show that I am faultless.
I needed some resolutions, formulas, and guidelines for myself as well as in correting others especially the young ones.
One of the challenges is the fact that even parents needed spanking. It would really be a hard fight if parents aren't the first ones to educate their children.
Till then, I wish this nation well. I hope for this world to be a better place.
I hope adults will act like adults because they are. And I also hope that young ones are careful in choosing whom they should emulate.
One wrong move will add to the many one wrong move and the world will become a disaster. If only we could all cooperate for our own good.
And in the end I just have reasons why I don't immediately discipline others who needed disciplining.
Aesthetics or Ethics
I was greatly inspired by a philosopher. But no matter how I read his works translated by writers, I wasn't able to finish reading.
I wondered why I was still hanging around this Philosopher's works and all.
To cut to the chase, I simply searched one of his works meaning over the internet and it brought so many similarities with our thoughts.
I still lack words to explain how so.
Have you ever experienced that thing, where you really know you got so many similarities with someone but you just lack words to express how so?
That is the thing with me now.
I fail to express.
Let me just state the beliefs I have right now that have a connection with his thoughts.
I believe that both are important in one's life. Both aesthetics and ethics are important. Without romance, one is bound to seek it. Without ethics, one is bound to extravagantly sin. Either way, it's our Call. Because it's our life.
Only focusing on aesthetics is not good. We have to have good character, we have to consider others. Only then are we going to truly enjoy our lives?
I am here, saying all these beliefs but I'm torn between ethics and my fantastic imagination of having a romance with someone I shouldn't even imagine.
Time and again I tell myself to quit imagining. That it is leading me nowhere. I have to wake up to reality and face and work on what I have.
Forgive me, dear readers, if I ever have a reader other than myself, I fail to give my raw thoughts even if I tell myself that I agree so much with the philosopher's points.
There were so many times I felt so down. That only music made me feel good and I realized how foolish I was not to even think of it. But I have realized it anyway. Thanks to such realization.
But after healing the emotional soul, it's time to get back to the ethical life. Waking up to reality and facing it is a very wise move.
When we lead an ethical life, we not only achieve real happiness but we also havee given consideration to others. We lessen the possibility of destroying other people's lives as compared to simply focusing on our shallow happiness.
But then no happiness is ever shallow. No matter how silly it is, it is still our happiness and we aren't obligated to explain to others. But before getting into that thing that makes us happy, I am saying that we also need to consider others who might be affected by our actions.
In the end, we need God's help in everything we go through. Yield and be helped.
At this point
It has come to this. I suddenly forgot where I was coming from. I don't know how it has come to this point.
But one thing's clear. I needed to go back to the beginning. I have to start from square one.
It doesn't matter if I go back for as long as I can get back.
It matters a lot that I needed to go back to the beginning. I have to start from scratch again.
Have you ever tried this? You just wake up one morning and you feel like you've lost touch with the things you used to know?
It's terrible, right?
And so I will go back. Along the way, I may even learn something new. Aspects I failed to see before. This will be a good thing.
Every time I feel like losing my touch, I try to read the works of those who first inspired me. I get ideas and I go one.
But this time, I feel like I have suddenly forgotten everything. It is like I am lost in the middle of somewhere I don't belong.
Yes, I am lost in the middle of nowhere.
What to do?
True. I should go back home. Home where I could reset this bothered mind.
I didn't expect I would be here writing all these when before I wasn't expecting to come here.
But since we are here, let me just lament.
You've been too arrogant, self. As if you'd not run into this dead end.
You thought they were enough to inspire you...
The boy you left who committed finally and you're left with tears. When in fact, you were the one who left.
The commitment you abandoned...
The place that made you sigh...
The moments you thought would get you going...
Etc.
But despite everything, you continue to find your way. And that is where I will be working on.
Life will continue in spite of everything
Do I want to stop? Do I want to quit? Do I want out of all these? Do I want to get it done?
Dear self, don't ask me that. You have no right at all.
Responsibilities, my dearest. Don't pin the blame on people. Don't pin the blame on situations, on circumstances.
Learn to have sense and don't get depressed. Stay with logic. With GOD.
Don't give up on your ideals. Learn to appreciate what you have. Learn to use your resources.
Tighten your belt. That is what your father used to say. TO YOU. And have you ever done it? I hope you tried.
I you failed before, you can try again. Keep trying!
Despite everything, life goes on. It continues. The least you can do is to live it the way it should be lived. Ideals are good. I help one, guide one to live a not so far from perfect life.
Give up your vanity. Stick to your guidelines. Guidelines are always there for you.
Keep living life despite the trials and tribulations.
After all, life is a gift to be lived.
Sleep well
With the dawn of these multimedia, technology, and the like, sleeping seems to be a lesser priority than it has used to be.
Sleeping earlier than 10 is much better than sleeping later and waking up at a later time as well. I just don't go with the natural order of things.
But then it is how we live nowadays.
I am not excluded.
Opposite to what I believe, I now sleep later than 10 and as of writing time, it is already past midnight.
I guess I have insomnia. But like how I did before, I can just lie down and close my eyes. Even if I only had a few hours of deep sleep, at least I have laid down to sleep.
It will be my kind resolution to try to sleep at 9 pm.
Funny how I don't sleep when I have the freedom to do so. And when I don't have the freedom to do so, then I think about sleeping a lot.
So while I have a way to sleep well, I will sleep well.
And you, are you sleeping later than 10 pm? Are you somewhat addicted to browsing through your phone until you do not know the time and day already?
Let me sleep now. I still have at least 5 hours.
I want to wake up earlier and cook for the kids.
It's okay, it's alright
She sure has ideals. She has standards. She has goals.
The thing is, she's so vulnerable. She wonders how she could stay firm. She wonders how she could stick to her ideals.
She also has goals. She likes the idea of perfection. She likes to be perfect. But then, she's just so vulnerable.
She needs...
Training for the mind
Training for discipline
Training for the heart
What of simply keeping her cool?
She isn't cool though.
It's okay, it's alright.
On the other hand, she just has so many commitments. Too shy to say no. Too bothered to pass responsibilities.
She's just so much.
What of letting others do some work?
We aren't perfect. We don't have to be cool always. It's okay not to be perfect and not to be cool.
Though that doesn't mean we will settle for mediocrity even if we do try our best, sometimes we can't just make everything so perfect.
A weird combination of characters.
In life, we can just enjoy. We can just admit if we are wrong. Hard as it may be sometimes. But it is the real thing.
It's okay, it's alright. That is life.
Let's keep going. Let's keep trying. Let's keep the wheel spinning. Let's keep the ball rolling. Let's keep rocking!
Yeah!
Because in the end, it will be okay. It will be alright.
May I just pray for this nation
I’m caught in between those who support him or her or whoever. I honestly do not know what to think of. Isn’t there a wiser way to react than to simply talk negatively about anyone? Do they even personally know those candidates?
I’m not sure what to think. Opposition here and there. Different stands. Different opinions. Convincing arguments by everyone. Not sure how to think. I don’t know any of the candidates, especially those who are running in the national elections.
Should I just decide based on what I hear? How should I assess who is proper for each of the positions in the government? How should one think? How should one decide?
How? How? How?
How should we do it? How do they do what they do? How do they think of what they think? How do these judgmental people formulate what they say? Do they seriously believe what they read on social media?
I’m lost for words for everyone. I’m lost forever. I don’t know how to react. Who is proper for which? Who is who?
It is then a wisest act for me to just pray for the meantime. Pray, wish, hope, for the best. It is the best thing one who is like me can do. What else is better that the best act of hoping for the best? What else is better than hoping for things to work out for the people’s welfare?
It has always been like this. For one like me. I’ve never really knew how to stand on my own when it came to political issues. Let me say, I may just deem myself a spectator. I do have my stance but not so sure how to handle it.
There were times when I would want to run away from political discussions. I hated the pressure and how these people fight over position.
Shouldn’t it ideally be that those who are running simply present their platforms and make people see the significance? Not the type where they fight and fight. Never ending fight. I’m so sick of it. It is as if professionalism and adulthood have been taken out of the equation all at once.
Why is it so? Why did we let our selfishness get the best of us? Why do we let people fight over petty things, never knowing what is and what was? Why are people also very harsh with their words? Not treating those who are running in position as normal people?
If politics divides us, which I guess is very much misunderstood, then it would just be better to stay on the side and pray for the best to happen.
Ah… I don’t know. What should I think? How should I act? Where should I place my perspective? It’s just so nauseous, having to listen to never ending talks about two political opponents. People should discern wisely. Not based on biased and baseless opinions but based on how they see political runners defend their plans for the welfare of the country.
How then should we move on as a country if we always try to sabotage each other? What if we set aside our selfishness and win fairly? What if we try to listen with open ears and just wish for the best party or runner to win? Just what if?
Aren’t you tired, my countrymen?
Because if you ask me, I don’t know what to think of. Or maybe, these very things here are my thoughts. Based on what I see are logical and with sense.
Why do we take advantage of other’s weaknesses to try and leverage ourselves in a not so fair way?
My prayers for this nation. I love this nation. It breaks my heart to see it in turmoil due to political issues. It’s normal to have conflicts. But please, let us try to remove the cloud in our eyes and see clearly. See clearly, listen carefully.
After all is said and done, we’ll see that it’s senseless to have had all those selfish acts and trashy ways of talking about runners and others just so we could have our candidates justified.
Prayers for this beloved nation. I love you, Philippines!
For a moment and a minute
I have hoped for days to be like days with you. In my imagination, we have held hands and walked the park.
You on the right, me on the left. I look to my right and there you are looking at me.
My heart flutters, hoping yours, too. The sight engraved in my heart like a blooming flower... Anytime it fades away.
Let me then write this down lest you leave my memory away forever.
Your brown skin tone drew me to you and your appealing eyes pleaded that I belong to you.
I like the way you walk and your slim figure boasts of your youth and energy.
You captured this weary heart and placed it to where it rightly belongs.
I have no qualms over us apart but it's killing me inside, having to let you go to your youth.
I'll wait for chance and time, for space to move us together, where I could freely hold your hands and dance with you.
I'll hold you forever for a moment. It's what I do to keep the pain from having us apart.
I'll go on with my romanceless life while I see you go back and forth on that place I always see you.
I'm putting things back to reality while I try to sigh and let go of my selfishness.
Let life be lived the way it should be lived.
Let your youth be yours and I won't steal it from you.
Let your life be yours to live however you want it. I won't take it from you.
Adios and l will let you live the way you want to live your life.
Though you'll do that whether I said it or not.
It is foolish to not be wise, it is wise to be wise
Why are you so foolish?
Why do you do foolish things?
Do you know that you are foolish?
If not, evaluate yourself and stop your foolishness.
It is foolish to not be wise.
Remember how you fooled yourself in front of the crowd? And you felt embarrassed, telling yourself not to do it ever again?
Remember how you thoughtlessly ignored your plans, and you fell into the trap you expected to be there around you?
Remember your impulsiveness?
It's all part of foolishness!
Do you dare do them again?
I bet you would.
But you aren't getting any younger. It's a wise move to be wise.
Don't you wish to do better?
I bet you wish.
Fix yourself up and do better.
But time and again I go down that path. Greediness, boredom, envy, jealousy, childishness, I use these as excuses for myself.
Dear Almighty, help me let go of pride and foolishness. I don't desire for more, just a simple and quiet life.
It was painful, that time. If not for You, I would've gone down down down without hope of redemption.
It was shameful.
It has been a descent.
Let not my sadness get the best of me. Again.
Please please, please.
In the loss of patience, there I go again.
In the loss of control, there I go again.
In the loss of wisdom, there I go again.
In the end, those are just excuses.
I wish to end my foolishness and be wise once and for all.
After all...
After all...
Live life modestly
It might be fear that's holding me back. They say to live life to the fullest. How could they have done it?
I seem to be afraid of perishing too soon. Life has much to offer and I'd rather stay longer to see them than go sooner to disappear forever.
What's this weariness I am feeling? But I am patient in waiting for those euphoric moments. I don't take any of those prohibited drugs but I do have high periods.
During those times I also do feel good. There are times when moments are serene. And I am living to wait for those.
Time and again, life is good. There are bad times. But life is good. It always will be.
Life is what's giving us hope.
For as long as we are alive, for as long as we have the desire to live, we can live our lives.
Then again, I won't stretch it to where I could break. Not yet.
And I bow down to Him. Whatever I say, He has the final say.
But please, not too soon I pray.
I look back and try to correct my past actions.
I should eat moderately, stop when I'm full, not be too greedy with how I look at food.
I should spend only on my needs, occasionally for my wants. More on convenience' sake and not for extravagance.
At the onset, I thought it was fear that was holding me back. I realized I just wish for a modest life.
For why
For why I can't be comforted by mere imagination...
There's still that desire in me that wants the real thing...
I can't be comforted. For why I want it real.
I won't ever get out of this incongruity. I know and I just know...
For the rest of my life, I won't ever get out.
But time will tell what will happen to this weary heart.
If this weary heart will go on with the blow of the wind or it will go against it and fly up high and away.
I won't even know but I just know I won't ever get out of my life.
The choices I made so far are one thing, my indulgence is another.
As I go about my chores and commitments, I will be sad and lonely.
And only time will tell how long that will be.
There was a time I believed that in time, my circumstances will fix themselves...
But that won't happen.
Not until I do something about it.
Bu my... I'm so lost and lonely. In this lifetime only someone can come and make me smile from time to time.
And that someone will be different each time.
I'm struck by the reality that life isn't poetry. Yet it presents itself as such.
For why I can't beat it out of me, I'm still hesitating to accept life as it is...
Our actions are not being done by a pen. They're being danced by a pen with permanent ink.
I've lived my share of foolishness. I am afraid to be foolish again. And I go to my imagination. But it won't ever make it real.
And I sit here unhappy and lonely. At the same time most of the time alone with nothing but imagination.
When you spot me, you should know, come find me where I am.
Then again, I'm struck again by the reality of life. Life is not poetry yet it presents itself as such.
And I resort to my imagination and live my fantasies there.
But for why I can't be comforted by imagination because I want I real.
But the reality is just so cruel. Or not.
Because it's self-inflicted... The loneliness- it is self-inflicted. Or not. Just maybe, this is my luck.
How do you get someone onto the same page as you?
Simple answer, no shortcuts. Live life. Let him/her live his/her life. The moment you rush, you're violating everything.
No rush, no haste. Play along the lines, do what you can for your life, for your family, and perhaps, your friends.
If you need to pursue someone, then either you ask directly and patiently wait for an answer, or wait for a most convenient timing to see what you can do.
Still, you can't force people and there is no rush in doing things. Unless you wish to become miserable, eating the other person's misery for rushing him or her into the same page as you.
In short, I just don't know what I am saying. But believe me, it's how I have seen life. You just can't rush to someone and tell them to come to your life. Sometimes, I yield into the saying that...
Even that I just forgot. Anyway, be patient always. It will pay off in the long run.
And while writing this I am just so impatient with someone. Not knowing what I will do to get him to look at me. So I apply all that I am saying now first to myself.
So let me just get on with my life. I have more things to love about myself than loving that other whom I can't seem to be able to get.
Maybe, ladies are meant to simply choose from guys who gave time to look at them. Perhaps, there are other rules that we do not know. Or could this be the rule of the universe?
I'm begging to disagree. But then, this is just my impatience acting up.
In an attempt to refine my actions, here I am, writing instead. And talking exactly against the thing that I am most wanting--to run after my guy and force him onto the same page. Terrible!
Meanwhile, I have my toes to cut, hair to fix, clothes to wash, bed to make, floor to sweep, tiles to mop, and so many others including what I am paid to do.
***Come to me***
***I will sing you to sea***
***Where we could swim***
***To the waters let's dream***
***A brighter tomorrow***
***With you I will row***
***And we will be merry***
***After we marry***
Just some rhymes that I could find. For the sake of rhyming. But that is one game I can take on in the game of love.
Let me binge into these kinds. Tomorrow I will instead turn books pages. Physically. And not think anything romantic.
Life needs priorities. You mess and you will have a lot to regret.
So while it is good, let us keep the page turning.
And again, instead of thinking of getting someone on your life, live your life and you'll be thankful. Who knows, you might meet someone more appropriate and better. If not the best for you.
When night comes, straighten your thoughts. Decide on sleeping. Don't waste a wink. Tomorrow you'll be thankful you did not waste your precious rest night.
Make effort to stay on the path of life
It is easy to deviate from the line that connects us to life.
One wrong move and we're forever away from the source of wisdom.
We slip and we might not be able to get back on track. Ever.
But life has a lot of seasons. And in the ups and downs we have so many chances to make effort to stay on the line.
It quite tempting to stay low or high. But in the end it isn't as good as when we're on the right track.
No, it's very distant from that. We're rid of good life and all we worry about is our life.
When we get inside our house, we lock the door for fear of our stocks to be stolen.
When we stay on the path, we are at peace with ourselves, there is an aura of good life that flows into our veins.
So dear friend, why don't we put our best into living life with good intentions.
Deviating from the line requires a great deal of momentum so that in time, we must return to the favorable ways we once we're following.
You may have read somewhere that the path to life is narrow and hard. But dear friend, if we analyze, it is even more fulfilling and rewarding than that of the way to doom where we forever feel fearful, doubtful, and depressed over the times to come.
When life comes to end, we are ready to enter the doorway to eternal life.
So heed the warnings of the times and make effort to steady your feet.
No matter what season we are living, it is imperative that we know how important staying on the line is.
Otherwise, we will experience trials and transgressions.
It is not to be taken lightly.
It is common sense to be good to others
And when we act nice towards others, there's that instant good karma that happens. They become good to us and we won't feel guilty about anything towards them at all.
When we are honest and earnest and have good intentions always, when we are in need, we aren't judges with I'll regards from others.
It is therefore a common sense to try to be always good towards others. In our speech, in our actions, in all our deeds.
My dear brothers and sisters, I am not here to preach. Rather, I am just laying out gems that you may want to pick for your own good.
Up to us, not only you, to make effort to catch some. Or you may simply regard this as a ploy to catch your eyes. But no.
You know what I like about being good and selfless is that I am not guilty without any reason. When I do bad, I feel guilty for some reason.
That's why it's really a common sense to try to be always good. Otherwise there will always be that unusual feelings of guilt when we become indifferent.
Sometimes, it is hard to be good. Especially when people are trying to provoke us. But when we make effort, it will be worth it in the long run.
We are peace lovers no matter what race we belong to, no matter what our color is. So even if originally we are freaks, when we get tamed, we see the difference of before and after.
For remembrance
I fail to keep track of my emotions. It's just too much journaling consistently about life. But this I must do. To keep feelings described lest one forget all about it.
I am still at a loss. Don't know where to place this wrong feelings. If you could describe them that way--wrong.
Are they? Or not?
If they are, why are they just so blissful?
I've never allowed myself some real romance. Why is romance so elusive of me?
I dwell in fantasy. But fantasy is just as real. And these real fantasies I need to write them down.
Like when I thought of you and I, the imaginary us. Then our world with the younger generation youth who happened to invade my fantasy world.
Someday I'm going to read back and just wonder how silly I've been. Or perhaps it might heal my future brokenness or make my future self mad for being so foolish.
I sometimes go on hibernation if not for the rewards being reaped in BCH. Perhaps a not so normal one would say that it is BCH that makes people write. Or it is this platform that makes people write.
I am hoping the fire in me be blown to blaze when I think of writing. For remembrance. For remembrance.
Years come, decades will pass, scribbles are for eternity.
I accidentally came across something I've programmed before. I am getting an idea to code some articles for saving. And be saved on cloud.
Life when seen raw
It's not your fault. You know nothing at all. Or did you know perhaps but still eluded me?
I've been waiting forever for a chance to be with you.
But you're far away as if we're not on the same block.
I sat there at the seat near the pathway where I could catch a glimpse of you. Sometimes I succeed in my goal, sometimes not.
You seem to know something after all.
But what now? What am I even thinking? We are 18 years apart. You the younger, I the older.
I think I'm just a loser, whose mind is on losing end. I hate myself for it, yet I keep loving you like I do.
My dear boy, you're still depending on your mother. You are still at school. I can render you one thing. Come, let me reach you how to do the Maths.
But you're eluding me not giving me a chance.
I want to immerse my head in water. Water that contains a substance in forgetting you.
I should act like an adult. I am already one.
Enough chasing youth and focus on more important things.
If life is shown in raw form, then I'm already judged by judging people. So let us not show the raw form of our lives, lest we be thrown stones at.
And you my dear boy I won't bother you at all. I'll just be here patiently waiting for what's to come for me. Not you for sure though.
But I'll just be glad if I catch you staring at me like you know something of what I feel for you.
And until then, I'll be patiently waiting.
What will become of my unrequited love? I don't know. What will become of my silliness? I'm not sure. Let me just write down all these raw foolishness.
If I be thinking straight I tell you this isn't right. But on the other hand I am thankful I don't act on my foolishness.
Because I live in my dreams and in there you are always there. But I have to always catch a glimpse of your face so that your face in my dreams remain brand new.
What can I do if I am not given happiness as sweet as having you dear boy? What can I do?
I'm just a silly and a fool girl who is in the clothes of a 33-year old woman.
When you dear boy see me as you see me, I want you to know you don't have to worry about me. I know this will pass and I am confident that it will pass.
Though the feeling right now is just too strong I like to hold you and touch your sweet lips. And hold your hands as we walk the road to watch the vehicles go by.
But let me do nothing like that at all. The price will be too great to pay. And I know I won't ever be able to afford it.
So let me just go back to my dream world. In there, everything is free and raw.
You and I, the imaginary us
In my imaginary world, you came up to me and whispered how fat I've become.
I snatched one of your hands and placed them around my hips. I demanded that you explore the fats and measure how fat I've become.
But that was just my imagination. Now I don't feel anything for you save those residues of our moments together before. Decades ago.
But I was still in love with those moments and I am writing in memory of those.
You have your family now, I have mine. You have your secrets, I have my own.
We parted ways for reasons I don't know. I longed for you, perhaps you longed for me, too.
And I imagined thousand moments of reunion with you. With only good things to spare.
Then it hit me, how we fell apart. There were bitter sweet remnants. I still feel that from time to time.
I am on the verge now of resigning. From things I am involved with now. Literally. Figuratively.
I'm tired of my fantasies. But you are nowhere near the fault. This is me. Together with my fantasy of the imaginary us.
Perhaps one day, an opportune time will come for us to bridge the broken feelings of yesterday. Just sending regards to each other through a short distance.
But forever may pass and that wouldn't be realized. At all.
But now, if I may inform you, I have travelled to a different fantasy world.
It is inherent for me, loving the young and fresh youth and I am seeing boys of sorts. I just envy their youth and the possible romance that may have been built between us.
And I reject that feeling. I don't allow it at all. But the temptation is just too strong at times and I allow myself some slack.
But I discipline my mind lest I go on a more fantastic ride.
And in here I finish my speech.
So long before we might meet again.
Acting dignified
Unless you're ready for a lot of 'wars,' the way to go is acting dignified.
Nobody cares about your fantasies.
No one wants to know about your desires.
We are all out to play the game of life and the laws adhere with those of game theory.
When you're aged, you must act your age. If you do not want to be labeled inappropriately, you have to really be an old age.
If you're a guy, you must act like a guy. Else, all names are ready for you.
When you're married, flirting is out of the equation. Stand by you man, if you're a woman. Likewise, be there for your woman, if you're a man.
The world cares not about your predicaments. The game dictates that you act accordingly.
If you aren't sure whether you'll be accepted or not, better live a poet and hermit lest they misjudge and sabotage you.
You'd better neutralize how people see you. Stop making a show for yourself. If not, you are already judged.
Stop showing off. In the same manner, cease to be overly humble. Just show up at the middle. This is not to play safe but just to not draw unnecessary attention for yourself.
If you wish to be noticed, go to the circus. Otherwise, act dignified and accordingly.
This is coming from an eccentric one. The people around refused to show her to a mirror but then she eventually saw herself in ugly shape.
There and then she realized how wrongly she has been living her life.
Stop loving just anyone. Stick to your spouse.
Quit fooling around. Focus making dime for your family, bringing food to the table, taking every opportunity to help with expenses.
If you ever feel like giving up on a decent life, think again. It goes a long way to act decent and dignified. Not only for yourself but for your children, your family and friends.
No longer with man
I gave up being in love with you, man. I find it hard keeping up with your elusiveness. I struggle dealing with your difficultness.
Let me, this time, stick with ideas, with sunsets, with sunrise, with summer, and mornings.
Let me stay with inanimate things. Lest you leave me anyway.
Let me dwell on ideas, and read books that could stay by my side forever.
Let me cherish moments with the sun, that be in the morning, noon, afternoon, or any time on the day.
Goodbye, my man.
Dream is the life I live
When I don't dream my life away, tendency is I get nitpicky. When I don't allot time for dreaming, I feel I have not lived my life for the day or night.
What would life be without fantasy?
What would I be with only reality?
Life is mocking me, devoiding me of bliss and happiness. And all I can do is dream my fantasy.
What would have become of my days without my resorting to fantasy?
What would have my happiness been without those dreams I lived out for reality?
I am just a poet. I use my poetry to collect what's due of me.
I use poetry to lament my mistakes and errors in the past.
I use poetry to keep me sane in times of struggles and sufferings.
Through it all, my dreams were there for me.
There are all kinds of dreams. And I dream a lot of them until I no longer could hold my heavy eyes and I sleep. There into more dreams.
But I like more those dreams that I fantasize about compared to the horrors of the nightmares I usually have.
Life is always joking at me.
But I love it anyway. Because in life we get to dream. Dream dream dream.
When I have had enough of dreams, I throw my pillow on my face and smell the rotten saliva that has flown down my mouth when I was snoring sleeping.
Those and other things take away some romantic feel. But they are still considered anyway when dreaming.
Thoughts to strive hard to look good in order to give justice to dreams.
Thoughts of studying well to give justice to dreams.
And so on...
I taste bitter tears sometimes in my dreams. But for as long as there's a tear to shed, I know I have a full life ahead.
Because when I don't shed tears anymore and I stop dreaming, there I know that life is no longer with me.
Patiently waiting
Let me just play pretend on this article. And in this, I am someone who has long been waiting for romance.
Am I in this a hopelessly romantic gal?
I want to love, I want to express love. But no one, no one's available for me.
I am no bitch, literally speaking. Bitch is a female dog and I would like to mention it for comparison but I am not attacking anyone.
This word nowadays is being regarded as a rude word.
But really, I am no bitch who can just attract male dogs by its scent. And they show what they wish to show in public.
Ladies are not like that. We have to always wait. Even bitches, figuratively speaking, must have had their share of this waiting game.
But I won't be defeated by impatience. My virtues are still in tact.
It's better this way. But then it doesn't cure my longing for you, you who have not yet shown his face.
Well, this is pretend play alright!
But it seemingly is something real in the deeper sense. But anyway, just for expression, let me go on with my pretend play.
I am a hopelessly romantic gal who can just be in love with the summer, with morning, with sunsets, sunrise, memories, nostalgia, etc.
If I were to be honest, I want somebody to love, to cherish and adore. As the summer starts, I want someone to hold my hands after work hours to stroll in the evening at the roadside or at the park.
How romantic that would be!
Where are you my guy? I am here rather impatient. But still patiently waiting.
I have no choice. I may die a maiden if you don't come.
And who will watch me dance in my dramas?
Who will watch me struggle in placing a doorknob on the door and help me after watching me?
Who will come and rescue me from this hopeless romance?
I sip my coffee in the morning. Sighing, looking around in a sexy manner. But no one's around. It's just me and my hopelessness.
When you decide to come, lessen my waiting time to not more than five hundred years. Or make it less than a moment so I will instantly be out of this longing for you.
But please, give out some signs of your coming lest I be in my ugly mukbang look.
Oh my love, I'm waiting for you...
I still can't see what you look like. Are you perhaps someone I specifically long to see in the real life? Or you're just an image that can't really become a reality?
If you decide to come or not, make your decision and let me know when you plan to.
Even this demand is hopeless. How can I demand from someone I don't even know who?
There is someone I long to see. And I see his slim youthful look everytime I close my eyes.
I see his young eyes looking shyly at me. Are those indication of interest as well?
Whenever I imagine his kind face, I see interest on his eyes. They are perhaps discerning whether it's true that I'm into him or not.
Perhaps I am hopelessly romantic waiting for a real guy or I am just overly romantic over someone who won't ever come.
Please come... And if you won't ever come, I'll just be patiently waiting for your image to form in my mind as I close my eyes at dusk, at dawn, before bedtime, every opportune time of imagining...
Until then, I'll wait for you, my love.
But leave me a reason at least to stay in the waiting zone. I might just change my mind. I'm a lady, after all.
Change my mind to live a hermit life. And it doesn't play along my standards when I shift to a hermit mode that I am hopelessly romantic.
Once I've crossed the zone towards my hermit life, you might never be able to retrieve me again.
And this isn't a threat, my love, I'm just trying to tell it to you.
Waiting is a graceful thing. But it's not gracious at all.
When you come I'll touch your face, and allow you to hold my back that you will pull towards your slim built.
And I will be modest. I will wait for your next move. Just your touch will be more than enough.
Romance is what I like. And slow-paced love is what I desire.
No need to rush, no need to do things all at once.
Let's just walk and smile to each other. And we may part ways. With your smile etched vividly on my mind forever.
Until the day you will come again, I'll be patiently waiting...
@ideallife