Living a silent life, not a quiet life. It's quite different. A quiet life for me is something which is peaceful and contented while a silent one implies a different thing. Or I may just be overanalyzing things.
There were times in the past that I was also a little ambitious and also full of dreams and fantasies.
When you are growing up and you are still on your youth, you get to imagine many things. So many things that sometimes, you overdo things.
But things happen, experiences pile up, rejections, hurts, and also glories come to life and you start to get battered and sick and tired.
You eventually yield to whatever's beating you then you retire and desire a quiet life. But then, you have debts, problems, and other humiliations which lead you to live a silent life instead.
You simply become dumb on your own volition and refuse to do the things that you once enjoyed.
Or am I just getting old? Am I already satisfied with what I have achieved so far? What could be that something that's stopping me from recalibrating myself?
Over and over, I wanted to just count my blessings and feel genuinely thankful for all the good things and pray that bad things will be bearable for me.
Sometimes, I just wanted to be a zombie and a sleepwalker. To try and just create a formula for myself so that nothing will be so hard for me.
Wake up at a scheduled time and do houseworks and perform job just like a robot.
But a human being also needs to keep emotions in check. There should even be spiritual maintenance.
Sometimes I just wanted to indulge and not experience any troubles at all. But will this last? Am I not ever bored?
Sadly, my life is never boring. I don't understand why others are always bored. Why can't just they feel thankful that their lives are not excruciating?
But then, not all people are like me.
Some would even go to lengths as becoming impostors or imposters. I saw on social media a former colleague who looks strangely different from how she looked before. She gradually transformed her face into something doll-like face. Yuck!
But then again, it's how they try to live their lives. I should not be sitting here criticizing them.
Even so, I still wish that people are more natural.
Anyway, I am trying to live a silent life. One on low profile. One who does the minimum. Only the required.
Others seem alienated by what I have been saying but then, this is me. I just wanted to live a silent life.
