In this lifetime, I don't know if I will ever see you again.
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The thought of uncertainty makes me look away in sadness. Does it make me any prettier to be missing you this way?
And if I openly miss you, what will I get from it?
Certainly, life understands the predicament of people like me. But right is right and wrong is wrong.
No matter how understanding the universe is, there is always a clear judgment.
Million times I told myself to move on. Like the water that goes on even after incompletely washing away one's tears.
I told myself to be happy by myself, not because I am alone but because I created a life of loneliness.
I shouldn't blame myself. I turn to philosophising.
I tell myself, surely there is something that will make me truly happy. That happinness not based on desires and longings but of inside assurance of oneself worth.
I deserve to be happy, too. Despite the unsound decisions I made for my life.
And so what should make me happy?
I wonder what it could be.
I seek for answers within myself and the things I've known before.
I will be happy of the thought of uncertainty.
It is helpless but in uncertainty, there will always be things to look forward to. But I will just put that beside me just to have some gear to push me forward with a smile.
It may never happen but it will always be possible. And that thought will do me good for the present.
For sure I will wrench again of impatience. But I will collect myself and focus on improving myself. I will, with head held high, will smile at life. And enjoy what it will have to offer.
And who knows what the future brings? Who knows what the turn of events will be? Who knows what will happen?
When we meet again I will be prepared. I will be prepared to know how to act in front of you. Not some act of missing but of dignified one. I have to. I will have to.
But if I ever see you again, I will tell myself to be contented by just the sight of you. No sense making a fool of myself. Not fair stealing your heart once more 'cause by now I'm sure you are having a life of your own.
Too late to realize what needed to be realized. And if I go back once more, I would have hesitated still. So no sense as well blaming myself for the decisions I made.
Just gratitude is what I will offer the one above. Forgiveness is what I ask for my silly thoughts.
I pray that I will also get what I deserve. The bliss of life I long for. I know He's listening.
