Life when seen raw

It's not your fault. You know nothing at all. Or did you know perhaps but still eluded me?

I've been waiting forever for a chance to be with you.

But you're far away as if we're not on the same block.

I sat there at the seat near the pathway where I could catch a glimpse of you. Sometimes I succeed in my goal, sometimes not.

You seem to know something after all.

But what now? What am I even thinking? We are 18 years apart. You the younger, I the older.

I think I'm just a loser, whose mind is on losing end. I hate myself for it, yet I keep loving you like I do.

My dear boy, you're still depending on your mother. You are still at school. I can render you one thing. Come, let me reach you how to do the Maths.

But you're eluding me not giving me a chance.

I want to immerse my head in water. Water that contains a substance in forgetting you.

I should act like an adult. I am already one.

Enough chasing youth and focus on more important things.

If life is shown in raw form, then I'm already judged by judging people. So let us not show the raw form of our lives, lest we be thrown stones at.

And you my dear boy I won't bother you at all. I'll just be here patiently waiting for what's to come for me. Not you for sure though.

But I'll just be glad if I catch you staring at me like you know something of what I feel for you.

And until then, I'll be patiently waiting.

What will become of my unrequited love? I don't know. What will become of my silliness? I'm not sure. Let me just write down all these raw foolishness.

If I be thinking straight I tell you this isn't right. But on the other hand I am thankful I don't act on my foolishness.

Because I live in my dreams and in there you are always there. But I have to always catch a glimpse of your face so that your face in my dreams remain brand new.

What can I do if I am not given happiness as sweet as having you dear boy? What can I do?

I'm just a silly and a fool girl who is in the clothes of a 33-year old woman.

When you dear boy see me as you see me, I want you to know you don't have to worry about me. I know this will pass and I am confident that it will pass.

Though the feeling right now is just too strong I like to hold you and touch your sweet lips. And hold your hands as we walk the road to watch the vehicles go by.

But let me do nothing like that at all. The price will be too great to pay. And I know I won't ever be able to afford it.

So let me just go back to my dream world. In there, everything is free and raw.