Let the happy season begin

I don’t understand how a person can be unusually lonely and sad even with the company of her kids and neighbors, and also friends.

I can attest to be being unusually lonely and sad that I begin to wonder how it happens.

I am so indulgent to be reflecting about the probable causes but what I could realized is that maybe I just wanted some sort of proofing and ensuring that my future is secure. Or free from unnecessary stressors.

I hate the unpredictable future so much that I wish there is a determined formula for mine.

But I know that is not how the world works.

Certainly, the future is not certain. We can only do so much to taking advantage of forecasts, statistics, patterns, hype cycles, and the like. But we can never ascertain the future hundred percent.

Still, I had to make a way for my life to be positive. I hate it very much, the sadness and loneliness, the feeling of inadequacy, of ugliness, etc.

I think about the advices I heard and listened to before. One of which is making it a point to be grateful for everything in life.

I ought to be grateful. For my existence, for my current job, for my family, friends, neighbors, good place I dwell on, and Him, who is always there when I needed anything.

Another is that we can always create something for our lives that could make us happy always. In a sense that we do not fall into depression and we don’t slide along the slope of negativity.

I also should acknowledge that I am already here, in the blogosphere, where I could always express myself through blogging. What more could I ask for? I can write, I can express, I can always be partially anonymous. I can even earn while blogging, like now. I should be grateful, really.

So then, why don’t I begin entering the happy season of life? I can always go there, depending on my choices.

I know it will be almost impossible to always feel happiness but I believe there is always a choice in responding to our feelings.

I started going back to coffee and I think it is a contributory to my mood swings. In addition to my fear of the uncertainty. I go as many as four cups in one day and thinking I am drinking the three-in-one version.

But of course, the greatest factor for feelings of fear is the lack of monetary budget. That’s for me. I feel like I am always on edge. What if like this and that. What if I will suddenly be needing this amount, or we will be needing something new because something old has been broken, or needs to be replaced.

Again, like with my previous article, here’s to hoping I remember things. Not forget about them.

Looking back, I was most happy and contented when I sat at café’s or other romantic places, mostly with myself only, not with anyone else. I am a loner, I think. And the confidence I felt when I dropped by cafés to sip and smell and drink those cups of coffee is just incomparable. It felt like I could own my thoughts and enjoy them and I just relax and listen to the humming thing in my head. Humming happiness and fulfillment, humming joy and positivity, and the greatest is the humming of peace.

These days, for personal reasons, I am not able to do that thing. I have a baby on my lap right now, I have my other children playing with playmates. I have a lot of things to attend to with the current setup.

With the image in my mind of the future where I go back to doing what I used to do, I am already beaming with joy. Those will surely come again. For as long as life decides to stay by us in the years to come.

There’s always something to look forward to, and looking forward to enjoying good things is better than worrying something bad might happen.

With all these said, let me enter the happy season of life.