Have I grown tired of you, my love?

I so wanted to write stuff these past few days. The problem is I was emptied. For whatever reason, those seemingly endless thoughts I have had before that I can't wait to bring on paper disappeared.

So I thought that I will just simply write. And here goes my ramblings.

I just put my fingers on my phone and started typing.

I do admit that I didn't have readings recently. Those that I have read were just a few pages of some ebooks.

I failed to understand their meanings and I reluctantly let them go. What sense is there in reading those books if I lost interest in what they wanted to say?

Honestly, I am alienated by the changes in my preference. If before I was in love with talking nonstop about my love for philosophy, now no more.

Once I can't grasp the idea, I frown and move on. Unlike before that I read and reflect until I get the meaning.

I would think about it night and day until I can comprehend it. That may be because the love for the topic is there.

Have I grown tired of my love? If not, what is this?

I used to approach colleagues who were interested in philosophy and logic. I would ask for resources on what to read. I would pester some chat mates just to get their opinions.

It's not that I have no convictions but I am just open to suggestions and I would willingly listen to what they would say.

I usually don't openly tell people my mind unless an idea is obviously relevant and logical. Otherwise, I keep my thoughts to myself and just speak my mind somewhere.

Like here, I just write even if I know that my topics aren't that popular or very interesting to many.

But just maybe, a virtual friend out there is willing to read and resonate with me. Just a person is more than enough.

Going back, I am wondering what made me grow tired of what I used to love.

Maybe I have been influenced by fads or trends nowadays that I am beginning to deviate from what I used to engage in.

This may be a good thing. I can just explore other areas hoping that in time, I will go back to my old self.

I hope this is just a detour so that I will come back to my home more loving and passionate.

It's not only the books that I read that have changed, I noticed that I was starting to like foods that have been out of my palate before.

It is a different story I believe when it comes to food. Healthy food preferences are much more valuable than anything.

We have to remember that our body is the vessel for our soul, hence we have to take care of it.

I should check what I eat and not just be influenced by junk fads in the food industry.

I just hate myself sometimes that despite my idealism, I tend to not live with the ideals that I nurtured in myself. I believe they are sound and logical.

But of course, life is not that simple after all. It's okay to deviate, to eat junk, to do down the path unknown to us. What is important is that we should always have self-evaluation so that in the end, we choose what will be best for us.

And we shouldn't say that we have grown tired of our love. Be that a material thing, people, or ideals.

It is Sunday. It's been months since I have not gone to church. I have lost my faith in my church. Not that I blame them. It's just that I am searching for something.

I am searching for the right thing. For the truth.

My first religion is Roman Catholic. Now I don't know where I should go. I don't have a religion if we base it on the nber of times and days I wasn't practicing my religion.

The word 'religion' to begin with is something that we must do religiously. And not practice intermittently.

But it is not to sayyy that I do not believe in Him. I believe in Him. And I earnestly pray that I will find what I am looking for.