A solution for my fears

I am too afraid to borrow money, literally speaking. I am too afraid to incur too much debt. I am afraid to be put again into the pit of despair, name it all in the negative axis.

Because of that, I am doing all I can to restrain myself from spending too much, promising so many to anyone and eating so much junk.

I hate to admit but I still struggle a lot to tighten my belt. But I need to.

I tell myself, haven't you had enough? Haven't you experienced enough shame? Haven't you gone through hell and put your family in danger because of borrowing unscrupulously?

And sometimes, I feel ashamed of my shamelessness. Sometimes I totally forget about the past. And sometimes, I just give up on my resolutions.

But despite all my internal struggles, I still manage to eventually make ends meet and I am not borrowing anymore from anyone.

I try to earn money somewhere. I try to have side hustle. I try my best to tighten my budget for as long as I can. I try my best to do something in order to stand honorable again.

Honor to man is extremely important whether we acknowledge that or not.

Somewhere on our system, we put this is high regard. But sometimes, we aren't aware.

That is one of the reasons why we try our best to protect our dignity.

And for my case, I wasn't able to at some point in my life.

I regret taking lightly the other virtues of life like modesty, honesty, and patience.

Because of forgetting those honorable virtues, I was put in the pit of despair.

That was a close call to death when I almost took my life but He has mercy. He let people help me and I willingly accepted all help I could get.

When you're put to the edge, you will have no choice but to accept help. It was a gracious thing that I got help from respectable people.

I really regret my past actions. And to cast my fears away of experiencing the same shameful thing, I now try my best to always stay humble and kind.

I deviate from my lifelong resolution from time to time but then I always do my best to go back to the path.

Friends, let us always be humble and kind.

Honestly, I do wrong to my neighbors through my words and actions. But let us strive to stay on track.

Pray for me. I will pray for you.

Let's build a better place, free from negativities and unkindness.

I thank you!