A lot of reservations but no savings at all

It should be that I have a lot that was saved financially. Considering that I have a lot of reservations, a lot of things kept secret.

But I lose it every time. Instead of saving up, I buy on impulse and I rarely hold back spending money even though I am aware of the long term impact on my finances.

I would like to complain about this complexity but whom to complain? I complain only to myself.

This is the reason why I stopped using analogies about character and other aspects of life. It's not necessarily a good thing.

I ask myself why I do the things I do. I hold back a lot. I keep so many secrets. But then I do not have savings at all.

Save maybe the insurance plan I am currently paying. But that is all.

When when when will I start saving? I ask myself again. And again and again... When???

I look up above and just cry my heart out.

It seems I'm caught up with my foolishness and lack of insight and discipline.

Discipline discipline. Come to me.

I'm a pitiful being. Happy happy today and have nothing in the morrow.

I should change. It should change, the way I carry myself.

Maybe, it is impatience that is always getting me out of the way to the disciplined world.

Always, we have to be patient. In our spending, in our wait for the right person for us. Also with ourselves.

Let me take this time to express my respect for those who prudently take care of their treasures. I respect you and put you in high regard.

Also, those who are not careless with their spendings. I salute you people.

I question myself again, can't I do it as well? Time and time again I slip and go to the road of the unscrupulous.

In years to come I should lessen my reservations and increase or start rather my savings in order not to be pathetic to my own eyes.

And instead of saying I keep a lot of secrets, it's a more proper term to use the word private. Meaning that it is not that I keep secrets. I just want the concept of keeping matters as private as possible.