I will write something about myself today. Actually, because of how the forms that grow, expand and fall inside me drop by drop from my mouth, how I express what is about myself in a low voice. Because of how I had a hard time asking for something, or more precisely, not asking for anything from anyone. From trying to solve everything within myself, without telling anyone about my discoveries, thinking about the curve of the work with my own mind. Actually from that big bubble I built. From the little girl who is afraid to share, the girl who believes that she will not be put in the circle, of being judged, being out, not being accepted.
On the one hand, she is from that woman who has the courage to do everything, is self-sufficient in every situation, smiles at her fears with the edge of her lips and does not blink while walking over them.
And of the "me" that is tired of moving back and forth between these two.
"Is it happening to you too?" I will ask. With the knowledge that you are but not troubled by me.
He even bore what kind of a burden this was, because of my state that doesn't even remember its weight anymore.
If I explain, would I stay outside?
Do I have to watch you from my house window while you are playing outside?
The situation in life is in such a place, those who blossom their own flowers in life and absorb the sweet taste of peace in that garden, and those who want to join them running while watching all of these, and waiting for permission from their mothers to go out. Did I deserve to go out?
Will this prisoner state end?
I guess we all learned that it won't end by waiting!
It will not end by waiting, perhaps by taking a step towards that door, giving up watching others and giving our attention to our own legs, taking one step. Then one more step.
And as we move away with each step, we begin to see through the window the covers in which we hide our fears. Whatever we squeezed into. Everyone is wrong, the ideologies we believe in, the situations we consider ethical, our self-pity, our inadequacy, our worthlessness. However, he is the shell created by the anger / pain of not doing what we want. Standing between us and what we want to be, our true potential.
We also go back and forth between the shores of our potential and the way we are inside, the shell right in the middle. Since the transition from there to there is not a straight line, but a jump, we consider these two separate phenomena to be the only one. And we get into the hypnosis that the state we suffer in is real rather than our potential state. Because that painful state has existed ever since we know ourselves.
Tired of all these leaps, I passed in front of the girl waiting for permission.
-Why don't you go out and share what you have with others?
- I'm afraid they won't like it.
-What if they don't like it?
- They won't play with me.
-You are not playing right now! What have you got to lose?
-I don't know what they think and I might lose what they think.
-Are you what they think?
-I do not know?
-Who knows you but you, go and tell! You get a real story, a real experience, except for assuming you have it. Don't think!
And he took a step outside, then stopped.
Why don't you continue?
-I do not know how to do it.
- Whatever you did would comfort you?
-Maybe if I believed what I got was nice.
-Is it nice?
-Yes! I love.
-How does it make you feel to share the things you love?
-Wonderful! As if I was grown up, as if I exist.
-How does it feel to be there?
-Everyone will look at me like I will appear
-What does that mean to you?
-I don't know what to do when I'm loved
I thought I wanted this, but now I realized I was afraid of it. To be loved.
-What if you are loved, what's scaring you here?
-This is a new world, I would have left my old world. And I'm so loyal to my old ways, I'm torn from my cocoon
-How does that make you feel?
-Excitement!
-Then don't stop!
- He smiled.
Then I sat down and started to write what I have on hand. I have a big smile in my hand. I have so many flowers blooming inside me, endless ideas in my mind, a constantly creating spirit and skillful hands. I have patience to work knot by knot, a motivation to tell forever, a big heart that continues to love no matter what, I have a curious mind that is not afraid of learning, I have a brave heart, my glowing intuition, my conscience, understanding, knowledge, respect, loyalty that can meet every emotion more or less. , I have talents and finally a joy that I no longer hesitate to show.
Is it insufficient?
For what? Why would anyone be insufficient?
Is it worthless?
Who, why would it be worthless?
The pattern we are in, all the features that make up us have given each of us an unpredictable "shape". Could it be that we behave differently in situations because we are "different", not just inadequate or worthless? Just as everyone is from each other.
Let's repeat what we learned as a baby;
The cube will enter the square hole and the cylindrical piece will enter the round hole. We cannot fit the cube in the round hole. Is the cube insufficient? Is the round hole brutal?
And sometimes we find that we are afraid of what we think we want most. With this energy of fear, we repel what we say we want, and "feel sorry for ourselves" in our cocoon. This game continues until we see what we're running from. Our fears are not always for disasters, sometimes we fear our treasures. When we say to embrace ourselves, we must embrace not only our shadows but also our treasures and the flowers that blossom within us. Can you do that Can you reveal your own beauties without hesitation? If your answer or intention is "yes";
Then would you also write, what do you have in hand?
Would you go one last time with what you have, to your little one and ask?
What do you need to go out and join the game of life?
Maybe you can share it with me later!
Love you very much!
