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Since I started by loving myself, I actually wanted to continue my writings here a little more. With self-kindness.
There is so much pain in life. We had an earthquake. On the other hand, there is Covid. I lost my dear friend and teacher this week, he was sent off on his eternal journey. So many babies and families struggling with SMA. The pains are endless. Ignoring and ignoring them is also a defense mechanism for some of us. I have nothing to say to them. Every system is naturally responsible for protecting itself. Only the burden of life is on one's shoulders, whether he ignores it or not, it appears in front of him from everywhere.
I am sure that at some point in your life you have felt helpless in the middle of a completely different story. Or insufficient. In sadness and grief. Or, on an ordinary day with daily chores, the atmosphere inside a meeting room has dragged you into silence with the thought "What if I'm disgraced". There was a moment when you were discouraged. There have been tears that you cried out loud or that you wanted to cry, but that you kept inside and suppressed so as not to look weak. The thought of “what do they say” has captured your emotion for a moment to live to the fullest. When you say "I allow myself" and go out to breathe for 1 hour, you may have come back quickly with a feeling of guilt because you left your child alone. It may be that you put in a lot of effort and didn't get what you deserve. While sharing your photos with your friends on social media at the height of fun, while actually trying to relieve your tiredness from the pressure at work, you may not be having fun at all, contrary to what is seen and shared.
Since I am a coach, I am a guest of many stories. The iceberg is loaded with loads. Your suffering is not unique to you. Many people experience all these emotions. Maybe those who spend time and money for therapy or support lighten their load a little more. But what I will say is this; Everyone has loads, they have fatigue.
There is also a judge among us, attacking with labels from here and there. “You are stupid”, “incompetent”, “coward”, “they always cheat on you”, “you won't, you won't.” That judge makes himself count the most severe criticisms that he has not told anyone, from the inside, and from the outside if there is no one. When a person hurts his loved ones easily, he puts the most hurtful nails on himself, as if he will forgive himself the easiest.
Maybe what I am saying is close to some of you and far from others. Maybe you didn't really notice that ruthless critic in you. Maybe you still prefer to play the strong, ignoring the voices saying helpless, victim, loser, lazy, fat, ugly.
I say to you, to those who hear those harsh voices of criticism, weak or strong.
Notice those voices and try to see the message he wants to tell you.
Notice, say I hear you.
Say I know you're trying to protect me or strengthen me.
Or whatever he is telling you, say it to yourself, say I understand you.
And offer yourself the highest level of compassion you can offer.
I'm asking you now. What is compassion, what do you think about compassion? I've heard people say: An interest, an approach between pity and protection. In terms of self-compassion, don't pamper yourself, exalt yourself, don't see yourself as a high value.
Even a coffee cup and shopping package with the hashtag #canımkendi. Beyond all this, I'm talking about a very deep approach.
There are many discourses on the definition of compassion, yes. From an awareness and healing perspective, compassion means being sensitive to one's own pain and the pain of others, being aware of it, and taking action to relieve that pain.
Who are you around that you show compassion to? Your child, your mother, your cat, your dog, or perhaps a family member. It is possible to show yourself the same compassion you show others, and even become your own best friend. It's not a friend who says "Don't be afraid", but "I see you're scared, I see your pain, how can I help you?" I'm talking about a friend who says.
And know that there may not be anyone in the world who is experiencing what you are experiencing right now, but there are so many people who share feelings with you!
Self-compassion includes recognizing inner voices, recognizing your emotions and feelings in the body, seeing your pain, accepting and wanting to help yourself, liberating yourself from cruel criticism, loving yourself, and the courage to use your resources. It involves embracing the things that lighten your heart. Reading, walking, looking at green, trees, flowers, plants, living things that find joy in life, babies, children, kittens.
See, the innocence in the dog's eyes.
Maybe just sit down and practice mindfulness with calm music. For self-compassion, it's best to offer yourself love and compassion in the moment. Let's do it together.
Sit up straight and comfortable first, close your eyes,
Put your hand on your heart.
Watch your breath, scan your body with all your attention, give thanks, calmly, with gratitude, with compassion, with good intentions.
Listen with your heart, say to your body, “I am with you with all my heart, I see you suffer, it will pass and I am with you with all my heart”.
Say, “I am safe, I am pouring all the compassion from myself into myself, I am safe”.
Project your feelings of compassion and trust to your whole body with your breath.
I wish you to reflect your self-compassion to yourself whenever you need it.