6 Points in Life I Want to Be Assertive

What does his assertive adjective remind you? Assertiveness is a concept that is perceived as positive by some and negatively by others, just like the equivalents of "exaggerated" and "very self-confident" in the dictionary. Both views are likely to be related to the person's values ​​or past experiences. This month, I take a closer look at this issue, which I guess that someone who aims to improve himself or his business is thinking about when the time comes, and sometimes handles it with another name.

Assertiveness word: An attitude that is self-confident, does not see negativity about himself or the idea or suggestion he puts forward, does not feel hesitant, is certain and clear, defends his right, demands what he wants, or even feels that it can be coercive if he encounters a behavior that he does not find appropriate. . There is another very important detail: An egalitarian approach that takes into account the rights of others while expressing their needs and desires directly and comfortably. So it should not be confused with "egocentrism". In fact, there is a style between aggressiveness and passivity, standing at an equal distance to the two, and drawing the boundaries of the person and the other in a healthy way.

Among the reasons we want to be assertive, there may be things like creating trust, being preferred, and achieving our goals more easily. Sometimes we may want to have more influence on people. Sometimes, we may think that we welcome those who come to us with demands more accepting than it should be, and that we have difficulty in determining our boundaries. These are our own reasons and needs. However, assertive people may be preferred or welcomed by their interlocutors, such as being easy to understand and predictable, believable. If we are selling a product or a service, if we aim for people to cooperate with us, it will be in our favor to be perceived as assertive. Also, people who act assertively in this way perform better in management roles, are negotiators that result in a win-win, are good at problem solving, and feel less anxiety and stress.

If we have goals that conflict with our counterparts, that is, if what we want to achieve and what the other wants are in the opposite direction, how well our assertive behavior will work will depend on the person's approach to conflicts. It would also be good to make sure that assertive behavior is perceived as culturally positive, again depending on our environment and our interlocutors.

If you need to better draw your boundaries, get people to be more responsive to your wishes, feel better because you express yourself or protect your interests, it may be helpful to consider the following dimensions. I strongly recommend that you do a thinking study by writing for each title, and consider your findings, feelings, question marks, difficult aspects and ideas that come to mind by keeping a diary. Thinking in writing will produce more effective results than just thinking.

1- Knowing your strengths and weaknesses

The more you are sure of these two, the greater your power to be assertive. Do you know these? If you have any doubts, you can ask people from different social circles to tell you the first adjectives that come to their mind about you for a more realistic determination. Thus, you will understand the similarities and differences between how you perceive yourself from the inside and how you are perceived from outside. If you need motivation and want to gain strength, you can ask them to say only positive adjectives. If you are ready to hear your weaknesses from others, and you won't shake your self-esteem and blame them, you can ask either.

2- Review your values

Did you grow up in a family where pretentiousness was condemned or humility exalted? Our upbringing affects many of our behaviors and perspectives. This can sometimes be in the same direction, sometimes reactively in the opposite direction. Do you think you could be under such an influence? What does it mean to be assertive for you? Is there a side to you that doesn't make sense? If so, what are they? What are your feelings about these elements? What do you think ideal assertiveness should look like?

3- Looking around you

Are there any people you think are pretentious and whose style you like, who has earned your respect? What do they do differently? What difference do you see between the pretentious people whose style you don't like and the pretentious people you like? Can you discover what catches your eye when you dislike it and stimulate your critical inner voice? What does this discovery tell you?

4- Your approach to risks

Are you allowing yourself to do wrong? Or are you always looking for perfect steps, not making mistakes, not scoring goals? Which one is more valuable to you? Do you want to behave flawlessly or do better at the next opportunity, without worrying about a mistake you made? What if people see that you are falling short of doing what you promised? Can you afford this or think of a solution?

5- Your desire to be assertive

Where does your desire to be more assertive or perceived come from? External reasons such as emulating someone or being told you have to be like that, is it your sincere wish? Have you completely convinced yourself on this? What gains will you have when you become more assertive?

6- To be assertive about what?

Do you intend to have an assertive attitude at all times and in every field? Do you have good and good relationships and deeds with your current state? In what situations do you most need to change your behavior?

If the answers and methods have not appeared in your mind after doing the above extensive study, or if you still want to take advantage of additional advice, you can find the suggestion basket on the behavioral dimension of the topic in this article. It may be best to start behavior change experiments with smaller and less risky situations, look at their results and try to move them to different subjects and environments by making the necessary adjustments.