Incapable.

I once wish to give my child a better life than mine. I wish not to repeat all the past that I felt awful and sad about. I thought that I have planned well but if it is not meant for me then it will not be. Perhaps I am too arrogant about the planning that I used to call perfect.

It turns out that I might have done worse than I expected. I am stuck in a fairy tale. I used to think that the person we married is the one that will be the one that will be with us, strong enough to support us, and the one that will think thoroughly before any decision is made. In the end, I am left alone. It felt more peaceful though, with lesser stress and easier to handle life.

It's time to start a new life. It felt like my life going back to the beginning over and over again. I want to be successful somewhere in his life but I always encounter failure. Is it because I am always making the wrong choices? Is it fate? Or is it repayment for all my sins?

What is it that I miss?

Perhaps the moment I found out the one thing that I mislook over and over again, my path will be brighter. It does feel lonely going through the path or two alone but I felt like I give in to fate.

If this is the life I am meant to have then I should accept it without lesser complaining. I believe if I can accept life as it is now, I will also be able to see the pathway that I was supposed to go through a long time ago.

Though it had been hard on me, I do not have many regrets in my life. I am grateful for everything that I have now. In this world, it is barely enough to survive but somehow I do feel content in most parts of it.

I do not think that it will be easier any sooner but for my good, I will go through the challenge one by one even if I have to crawl. It is no longer about me but for her. If I am ruined I will be causing harm to her.

Dear reader,

If you feel like you have no more hope or you want to give up life, look around and find a purpose to live. Learning to let go of what we should let go of is not the happiness we might wish for, but it could be the best option that we have not realized yet.