Is there God?

In the bible, it said that a few people had seen God in a lot of forms. Some has been given the chance to live in an era where they can walk with Him on earth. In this modern world, did anyone ever saw Him? Do I believe that He exists?

My answer is yes.

I do believe in God but at some point, I kept on wondering whether He really taking care of me or He just stand watching. Even so, my faith did not disappear. Just the percentage of faith is going up and down at some time.

Why?

In the Bible, it is said that "Ask and you shall be given" and "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe". It is not the exact word, I just wrote it from a memory. The truth is, it is hard to believe in something that I cannot see. If it is not because I grow up being taught about Christian life, I doubt I will believe especially if life is not as good as it is in childhood fairy tales.

I keep on believing but I do not have a reason for it. I just believe. Therefore I also believe that for someone to have faith or believing In God should not be by force. I cannot simply say to someone that "You should believe because God is good. He will take care of you." I have no proof of it. I only have proved for myself.

My life.

It is not easy and problems seem to be never-ending. It all started early in my life. I will not write all about it in details because that would be too much to read.

• We are kicked out from our own house by our own close relative.

• My family have to live in a single room at another relative house for years while I study.

• I made bank loan on the second year I started working to build them a house and buy a car for me.

• I made another loan and another after that just so we can have a better life.

In conclusion, my life is full of debt.

But...

Now, everything is slowly getting better.

• My family have their own home.

• I have mine even though it is not fully finished.

• The car is broken and I do not have money to fix for now but I have a husband that can at least take a look at the problem himself and we will see what we can do. His family is helpful and resourceful too.

• I am closer to my workplace.

• I have an internet connection in my room and I do not have to go out 2 kilometres for a connection anymore.

• We do not have a lot of money but somehow we always have just enough.

And I believe that this is because God does take care of me.

Everything is done on my own. I cannot see that God is helping me but I believe that He gave a whisper of wisdom to me. It is like "You should do that, try that" or someone else will say to me that "You should try that, you can do it, everything will go well". A little push that keeps me moving forward even though I cannot count how many times had I stumble and fall until the stage that I do not want to stand up anymore and wish to die. Then, another whisper comes, "What will happen if you die before finishing your task in this world?"

The whispers.

It could be the whisper of evil too and the decision is still in my hand. Which one will I choose? If anything goes wrong, it is on me.