Christians: Pushed to the limit.

How much is my limit?

I thought that I have passed by all my limitations a long time ago. My patience and inner strength. It turns out that with every obstacle and burden that I felt, it becomes slightly stronger.

If I said...

If I said that I never felt like I am better dead than alive, I am lying to you.

If I said that I never tried to kill myself, I am lying to you.

If I said that my heart is as tough as a diamond that is difficult to break, I am lying to you.

Things changed.

I thought before that God has forsaken me because of all the choices I made in my life.

I married a divorced man and our marriage is not blessed in the church like the other Christian. Perhaps we have a chance but then I gave up trying. I am tired of the rules made by man. I am tired of explaining myself.

Did I regret marrying this man?

Perhaps I did once in a while at the moment of our wars but then after it passed, everything turns out to be alright once again.

Why?

He makes me fall in love with him one and over again every day.

It is not that he did it purposely but I just felt it that way.

I fall in love with...

• The way he works himself out to clean the surrounding of your house.

• His capability of providing us food out of nowhere.

• His way of treating our daughter.

• His silent whenever he felt trouble. (He is never a good talker especially when he is trying to express his feelings or things that trouble him. He is the worst from the worst 😂)

• His stupidity in being kind. This sometimes becomes the source of our fight too.

People said that love is blind but I think that love does not need eyes to see. I think that love just needs some logic to survive.

• If we cannot live with the person why bother to express our love?

• If we are not willing to sacrifice for the sake of being together, why bother to be a couple?

• If we are not to accept his/her family as our own, why bother saying yes to a marriage proposal?

• If we can see only the weaknesses, why bother trying to develop a love connection that barely holding on?

• If we want to be with a person because we feel like we own him/her, what is the meaning of love?

If you think that all of the above is an easy task to go through, how long can you stay with the thoughts?

My personal opinion.

It is not whether we can live with the person or not but whether we can create a living space that applies to both.

It is not whether we can make a sacrifice or not but whether we can compromise with each other.

It is not whether we can accept the family or not but whether we can understand his/her situation clearly and be able to be a great supporter that will protect a family bond, especially the two of us.

It is not that we do not want to see the weakness but rather if we can turn weaknesses into strengths.

A person is not a thing to own but to be respected their decisions, can we negotiate and end up with a new option that favors both.

It is not how long we can hold the same thoughts but rather are we capable to overcome negativity? Are we able to stand on our own after a hard fall? Are we strong enough for all of the possible outcomes that might be?

Strengths are developed with a strong will.

The will to survive, have a better life, provide for the children, and not have regrets. Life is never easy and nobody said so. Even the wealthiest man and happiest moment on the earth is sure to have their bad moments.

The differences will be the choices we make. Give up or move on with life?

As for me...

I always believe that God has a plan for me. I do not know what it is but I am sure that God always provides for me.

I put my life on faith in God even though in the eyes of man, I am not even showing life as a Christian.

If the whole world is thinking the other way than me and someday I might not be able to hold on to the choice I made, I still believe that it is God who leads my way.

This kind of article might sound dramatic or unreal but I am grateful that you read until this part. I just want to pour out feelings that I cannot describe in detail because I am afraid that I cannot hold them in any longer.

I want to scream, I want to burst into tears whenever I want to without being questioned. It's just that it might hurt others therefore I do not dare to do it because I know it will hurt me back.

I do not plan to give up and I will stand strong until everything comes clear for me.

If you are planning to give up on something while you are reading this, please don't. Exclusion if you are planning to kill someone or rob a bank 😅😅

Let us wait a little bit longer. Who knows what tomorrow might bring?