Christians: Again and again

Getting into financial problems have been repetitive in my whole life. I thought that after this one problem, there would not be another like it. I keep on thinking about the reason that I kept on falling into the same problem and I can only think of two. The first one is too fast and the other is for a better future.

My family is not wealthy and I did not marry a rich man but that is not the problem. I just want to prove to my father that I can have a better life than him and I can make sure that I will treat my children the way I want to be treated by him.

Too fast.

My family have been having a good life. Both my parents work hard so that we can have a decent life. They manage to send both me and my sister to school. I manage to finish my study and got a good job because of their hard work and my younger sister sacrifice. It is not a picture-perfect memory but everything has been good.

The misery started 15 years ago after all my grandparents died. It is all because of the inheritance. My parents managed to build a new house for my grandparents(mother side) but the land where they build it was not under their name. (I do not know the whole story because nobody wants to tell me)

The last one standing was my grandmother(mother side). She is the kindest person that I have known in my childhood. After she died, greed starts to show.

I still remember the day where my parents comes to pick me up from school. I was on sports training that day. They brought me home and told me that we need to move out of the house. It was raining that day. Not too heavy. I am asked to carry all our belonging into a lorry and nobody care to explain the reason. They just told me that we are kicked out. After that, we have to stay at our uncle house(my father younger brother) for years until I got my first job 5 years after.

A year or two after I started my job, I took a loan because my father wants me to build a house. He has been asking me the same question since I started working and he has been constantly reminding me of it since I started college.

"You must build a house"

"When will you start to build a house"

I have been angry and stressed because of it. I did attempt suicides a few times but then God did not let me die. (I think this is what makes me who I am now. A strong woman)

I felt like I have been rushed to get everything done. It sounds like an easy thing to do but then, "How am I going to build a house with only my salary for a month?"

I end up getting my second loan not far from my first one. The first one was for my car. I manage to build them a house but then since I started working, I have never been able to give my parents monthly money as other children do then. They do have their pension so I do not worry much about their expenses. It all went well and I end up falling in love with my husband which is the builder that builds my parents house at that time.

For a better future.

I started taking loans and another loan after that to speed up everything up until my marriage, firstborn child and a second house(which is my house). Everything is done within 7 years.

In conclusion, I have owned a car, build two houses (not too big), get married and got a child within 9 years. Sound like a dream comes true but then it is not. It is not yet the better future I am hoping for.

I have been angry with God, I even vowed not to believe in Him anymore and tried to get rid of God from my life because I thought that he only exists in the past at that time. Even though I did that, I realize that I am always blessed with good people around me. No matter where I go, I will always have good people that always open to lend me a hand. It does not matter if they are friends, acquaintances, or someone that I met that day or someone that I only know online. That is the biggest blessing in my whole life.

It is then that I realized, I cannot get rid of God. I started to understand His works for me but until now, I still do not know my purpose. It will come someday I guess. The reason for my existence in this world.

As for now, things have started getting better. Thank you for the help of a good friend wakeupkitty. Marblely also offers to lend a hand and I am grateful for them.

The special things about the two of them are that they only know me through my articles, as heartbeat1515 but they have a big heart to help me. It is a blessing for me. This year of 2021 is a year of miracles for me and I hope it will be for them too.

My next plan?

I have made an excel calculation on my financing and I hope everything will go well this year because the year after, I will need to prepare for my child to go to school.

Will it be alright after this?

I do not know but I believe that everything will be just alright. I hope so.