Article no:17

June 21,2022

Have you tried searching for someone? Or something that was missing for quite some time ? I've mention from my first article " Violeta; An Extraordinary Woman" that my parents are separated when i was still a child. We are my father's second family , oh! i'm not really sure of that though. lol! I was looking for my father for long.

During my childhood years , i developed some kind of hatred to my father. Actually it was "LONGING" turned to "HATRED" then hatred turn to longing again most of the time.

I longed for a dad who will fetch me from school. I longed for a dad who will teach me how to ride a bike just like my friends and cousins. A dad who will play with me and buy me icecream after. A dad i will turn to when my playmates are making fun of me . Someone i can tell about my dreams and will help me to reach that dream. Everytime i got frustrated , i cried and my longing will turn to hatred once more.

The Search

My search journey started when i was old enough to understand that life is really unfair sometimes but we have to move on no matter what. I already understand that hatred won't do good for me but will just destroy me in the long run.

I decided to forgive him. I started looking for clues about him, searching my mom's stuff hoping i could find something that lead me to him. My mom was an OFW and my father was way older than her. He met my mom somewhere in Manila knowing he was a single man. Later after three children with my mom , she found out that he is a married man. So my mom cut the relationship immediately and raised the three of us on her own. We know nothing of him. Just his real name.

There were times i diligently call every name listed in the telephone directories with the same surname as his . Times i go places of people i talked to over the phone. Social media then was not in trend those days yet. I finished college and yet i was not able to find anything relevant that could lead me to him. So i decided to stop searching telling myself if it's Gods will then i will find him in due time.

It was 2017 when facebook was now in trend. This time i posted in a certain group clan. Posted his old faded picture and put little details that i know of him. To my surprise someone commented on my post after a month. It was Emmanuel that turned out to be my halfbrother from my fathers third wife. Gee, isn't it fun!

We met Emmanuel personally after a few months. Visited us here in the province. We learned from him that we have another two siblings from my fathers fourth wife. He's doing the same all along, searching for our father all these years and he was lucky enough to find some lead and yes! he met our other two siblings from the fourth wife .

Finally, I've found him!

Emmanuel told us that our father belong to a well off family and reside in Paranaque. He once able to visit the place with his mom but the guard did'nt allow them to enter the vicinity . Oh! my, teleserye feels like! lol!

I don't care about his money anyway, we were able to finished college with my moms diligence and sacrificed for all of us. Hearing those i felt a bit off but the feeling of longing to see him was too strong i was super excited to finally meet him for real.

I was imagining of hugging him tight. Tell him we're ok. Despite difficulties , we made it through. A little drama i guess coz mom was already gone due to cancer. Lots of stories to tell.

Our brother was silent upon hearing my thoughts. He was staring at me as if he want to tell us something he can't utter yet coz of my endless talking. He has tears in his eyes , which i understand coz maybe he felt how eager we are to see and hug our father.

Finally... i let him talk . He told us that " Ate ( sister) if you want to see him , we can set a date for it and i will accompany all of you to him". His remains was buried at Loyola Memorial Park. He died year 1995...

Final thoughts

I , we rather are devastated with the news. We are not able to see him once again. The pain of losing him totally was unexplainable. I never thought i could cry a river losing someone i know nothing about. Why it hurts so much, i don't umderstand. He never been a father to us but why i am feeling this way. Maybe it's the connection between us. We are his children and he is our FATHER.

Happy Father's day to all. Lucky are those who has their father around. Take care and love them coz you'll never know the pain unless you lose them.

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Thank you in advance for those who'll take time to read. And for my sweet dear @Talecharm my thanks to you always . May God blesses us all.