I am homesick and I wanna be home

Each one of us has a story of falling in love deeply with the person we can live with forever through ups and downs, thick and thin, storm and calm and through happiness and sadness, the person we call home. What is love by the way? Is it found in looks? Or attachment in just a short period of time? Nope, maybe an infatuation. Love is when two souls merges with an unbreakable bond that when forcefully separated, it'll hurt so much and leave a huge mark that you will carry for the rest of your life. Is this what's happening to me right now?

I met this girl in early january of 2020 in a certain app, I was bored and tried that hoping it would relieve me from my boring days. Hooking a partner is out of my intention, I just really tried it because I feel like it's nice when no one knows you in a certain place. My purpose was fulfilled and I had a great time there just posting my thoughts, the burdens and etc. in a semi poetic way, sometimes lyrics of a song that would fit the mood. I don't care about what others would say since they don't know me. However I'm just any mortal and weak person who have emotions. We exchange facebook and began interacting there, we would exchange voice messages of us singing since she has a nice voice, she also knows how to play guitar, even better than me. I really love her voice. From frequent exchanging messages and voice messages it turned out that it's not just her voice that I love, I now love the whole her and so from months of doing the same, on march 07, we became we. I love her so much in fact the longer our relationship is the more it grows, I had taken out of the equation the thoughts of having another girl and never in my wildest mind that I would end up with another girl, just the thought of it makes me sick. The only thing I found in my future is we and I would like it to be like that. She is my home, my comfort zone. She's the one that I wanna grow old with.

Of course like any other stories there are fights and arguments due to misunderstandings but we would make it through.

We are now a year and 4 months, and things seems not going well. It pains me just thinking of the problem and here we go again with the feels. Every night feels like I am continuously falling from an Abyss, so dark and gloomy. And I know she's in pain too. I'm sorry. Did I just lost my home? Did I just lost my shelter? Did I just lost my comfort zone? Things really doesn't always go your way, harsh life it is but despite of all the things that happened I still want her at the end, I still hope that it will be a happy ending, I love her so much after all.

Wherever life will lead us, know that I love you so much and will continue to love you forever. If things really get hopeless, I want you to look at the moon every march 07 at exactly 9:36pm, we will be looking at the same time to commemorate the things when we are still together. But right now I am homesick and I wanna be home.

PS: this event/story is purely coming from my mind.

" Jeg Elsker "(the continuation of this norwegian title is the last word of this Sonnet, do connect it and unfold the whole message)

Idée fixe happened in mid of July

You are; to hold dear most feverishly

Oh brilliant, I'm delighted like the sky

You are my alter ego, completely

Your anthem of heart is mellifluent

Profound and wondrous is your walzting mind

Those tantalizing eyes gives an ardent

A speck of light in your warm smile, I find

The stars align, the moon shines - there it is

The promt drop of my muted, wayward heart

Universe collides, intertwining this

You, the sun - it rises, my most-loved part

Millisecond of everyday, it's you

Even if it pauses, constantly, you.

-Lipovitan