Narrative

I don’t know but it seems like fate really loves to play tricks on me because we saw each other again after three years. It seems like a joke because you’re a cousin of my older sister’s new boyfriend. An outing was set by them and there our eyes met once again. We were both surprised to see each other but I admit, I’m happy to see you. I can still see the universe in your eyes. Before, I thought I can see that because that’s what I want to see or that’s just how I used look at you. But I’m wrong; I realized they really have that spark, as if always pleading, as if always full of love. My sister’s boyfriend introduced you, but even before he could finish, my sister immediately recognized you.

“Oh? You were Faye’s classmate. Mark, right?” Then she glanced at me meaningfully. I know my sister knows who you were in my life. I used to tell her about you, and she witnessed how we were before, talking on the phone almost every night. Everything seems to be flashing back before my eyes. I can see everything, every memory I have of you.

“How are you?” That was the first thing you said. At that moment, the shock that I saw in you was gone. You were smiling at me while holding your glass of juice as we just had our lunch.

“I’m fine”, I shortly said. Our conversation went on, talking about each other’s lives, mostly about the course we took and our experiences as college students. You told me the silly stuff you did and all the other funny things about your college life. You never really changed. We joyously talked and though I can’t directly admit it to you, I missed you. Your laugh, your voice, your typical jokes; in short you yourself. I remember how once in my life there was you, that once in my life you became my best friend, and that I loved you even more than that.

The sky is already dark and only the lights in the resort illuminate the surrounding. I was sitting at the edge of the pool quietly watching as the water touches my feet. I seem to have a world of my own even when I can hear all the laughter of my sister and their circle. My thoughts were cut off when you suddenly sat beside me holding two cans of beer, giving me one.

“You seem to be deep in thoughts, is it about me?”, you asked before bursting in a soundful laugh. I had no choice but to laugh again at your jokes. We continued teasing each other until both of us fell into complete silence. No one was making a noise except the cans of beers we’re both holding. I was about to speak; I was about to ask the question I have been dying to ask you. But you spoke first, you asked me one unexpected question. At that very moment, I felt physical pain in my chest.

“Your feelings for me back then, were they real?” It hurts, I realized it hurts hearing it straight from you. I didn’t know that even after everything, you doubted my love for you. I stared at you in disbelief.

“You know what, that’s offensive.” You looked at me in wide eyes, shocked by my response. I didn’t say anything more after that but I know you got the answer that you needed.

“How about you, why did you leave as if nothing happened? Like our friendship didn’t ever matter? Why did you leave me hanging, and acted as if I was never a part of your world, even as a friend? To be honest, I was just waiting for you to talk to me again, even just for the sake of our friendship. I never once did dream of you loving me back because I knew from the start you couldn’t. Do you remember when you shouted to the world and in front of me that she is your best friend?  That you fell in love with her because she was there for you. What hurts more was the fact that you threw our friendship away, even you know how I hold on to you whenever I feel like like I have no one to hold on to. Because of you I had trust and abandonment issues. You left me with so much emotional trauma, I was so scared of being alone. I felt like everyone’s gonna leave me, I felt like it’s so easy for people to replace me. You left me wondering what’s wrong with me for you to do that. I only want your happiness and everything that was best for you. But you failed to see that.”

With all that I have said, you were just silent. You’re just looking down, listening to every word I said. I don’t know what you were thinking, I don’t know if I will ever get an answer from you.

“Don’t worry, I don’t have feelings for you anymore. I really just want to ask you that because your ghost still haunts me sometimes, along with all the pain you’ve caused me. Even if I tell you that I’ve finally moved on, you still left a scar on my heart that can’t just seem to heal no matter what I do, even over time. I even get to love another but I still feel a hole in my heart, a broken piece, like something within me is missing. I always feel like the story still hasn’t started, but it’s already coming to an end. I feel like everyone’s gonna leave me like you did. You left me and threw away everything just like that, how I wish you brought my pain and trauma with you. “

We once again fell in a deafening silence. I waited for you to open your mouth and say something but you couldn’t even look at me. I realized you have nothing to say so I decided to get up and take my rest. Maybe that was enough, that I at least was able to tell you everything.

I wish it was really enough, even if it’s just in a story. I closed my laptop and wiped the tears off my cheeks.

Hi! This is the English version of my previous short story 'Naratibo'. I tried making one and here it is. :)

Happy reading!