Maybe, just maybe

You unexpectedly came to my life and I knew I had the option to run away, but I ran towards you instead. And I honestly don’t know why. Something was just telling me I had to be with you. It seemed like you have some magnet in you and l am like an iron; you keep pulling me in. I am happy, my life is happy and you.. you simply add happiness on it. Or maybe I know why, but I just keep on justifying that I don’t because I know the magnitude of pain I’ll have to deal with if you leave. Because I know I would probably regret and blame myself if I get hurt. And deep inside me, I know my regrets will be worth it. Because I gave it a try. Because I allowed myself to be happy. Even if I have a feeling that this time we have right now is borrowed and we might give it back at some point. But I hope not. How I wish I met you sooner, and not now that both of our lives are complicated.

I see myself in you. I am fascinated how you bared myself to me, and I cannot just leave you alone after seeing your naked soul. I see myself in you, because I always tend to bare myself up to people I trust because it helps me cope up with everything. I cannot leave you because I know how it feels to need someone, I know how it feels to feel alone. I would be lying if I say I don’t think of this sometimes as pity, that maybe it’s just my sympathy talking. But it gets clearer and clearer to me as time goes by. You make me happy and you make me confused. You’re making me feel things when I feel numb for the longest time. You make me see things when I feel so empty since who knows when. You give me butterflies in my stomach; you make my head spin; you make me worry. Above all this, you make me smile. I don’t know how you do it but you just do. You don’t know how much I love it when your smile slowly creeps into your lips every time I stare at you. It gives me the idea that I’m giving you butterflies in your stomach even when you’re denying it all the time. I love your little gestures of protecting me in some ways and you probably don’t know how much I love your eyes. I see how the eyes are the windows of the soul in you.

You’re adding colors to my life. And it scares me, because you might turn it black anytime, or you may not, but I might will. It scares me I may reach the point of suddenly refusing to accept your crayons because I am afraid my fears would eat out all these feelings I have for you because of how complicated we are. But I am afraid to give you up because I don’t want to see you alone. I don’t want to leave by your side because you only have me. I am worried of who will calm you down when your minds are in chaos, or when you can’t understand yourself. I am worried of who will hug you when you feel so cold. I am worried of not knowing who will love you when you can’t feel love for oneself.

How I wish we met sooner than we did. Then maybe it is less complicated. Maybe it’s easier for us to be together. If we happened sooner maybe I won’t have to stay up late at night wondering where would this take us to. If I met you earlier maybe there would be less doubt and fear of what tomorrow will bring and I won’t have to feel like wanting to run away and staying by your side at the same time. If we have met sooner, then maybe we could’ve saved both of us. Maybe, just maybe.

Hi! My brain is a little cooperative these days and late last night, I've come up with this article. I am really a fan of these kinds of articles, there are no specific story or plot and it allows you to play different scenarios in your head with every ideas you may think possible. And I love when I can produce something like this. It may not be as perfect and beautiful as others' but I'm just proud I somehow can do it. Have a good day, everyone. :)

Thanks for reading!