22 Things I Learned Before I Turn 22

I have seen some posts like this of people in various social media sites posting life lessons they have learned when they reach a certain age so I thought, maybe I can do that too. But in my case, I will be writing mine before I turn 22. Why? Because I want to read this at exactly my 22nd birthday to remind myself that this is by far what I have gone through and learned in those 22 years of my life. By the way, that day is less than two months from now. I will include those I think are the most crucial lessons I have learned and applied in my life, and what I think people my age can relate to. Here it is:

1.       People come and go, and that includes your once closest friends.

When I was younger, I never thought there is such a thing as a friendship break up. I thought when you are friends with someone, you are friends no matter what happens, no matter how big the fight is. Because that’s what I’ve seen with my parents and siblings before, they even had confrontations but just weeks and months later, everything is fine again. I even have a friend since grade school who is thousand kilometers away from me and we haven’t seen each other since graduation, but up to this day, we still communicate. I never thought I would go through such friendship break up thing. Now, I’m not closing any doors, anything could happen because I realized too that I was also at fault that time but I’m happy with the people I have right now. 😊

2.       Other people’s opinion about you is theirs to own, you don’t have to mind it.

I admit I am a certified overthinker, I always think the worst-case scenario in such situations. I used to think “What if they think that I am like this, I am like that?”, “What if they misinterpret me?”, “Are they mad?” “Are they talking behind my back?” That often happens when I try to express myself or when I speak up about something that I think is wrong. But on my early 20s I realized I really shouldn’t care. That’s their opinion and I don’t have to prove whether they are right or wrong. The only thing that matters is I know myself and I know my truth. I am still struggling about this up to this day because it’s really hard to overcome overthinking but this mindset helps.

3.       Not laughing at offensive jokes works.  

I’ve been in an awkward situation where someone makes a joke that is offensive to me but since I don’t know how to handle the situation and I don’t want to start an argument, I laughed it off so they thought it was alright and really funny but deep inside, I was hurt. But no, not laughing and completely ignoring their offensive remarks will make them realize you are not up for it and it only makes them look fool, they will be ashamed of it. I’ve done it and it works.

4.       People have different levels of sensitivity.

I used to think that the reason people do not understand me is because they think what I’m going through is just a petty thing. I have also come to a point where I hesitated to tell people about my problems because some people tend to invalidate it when they don’t understand what you’re feeling. And I’m not gonna come clean, I admit I am also guilty of it sometimes especially when I don’t really know the person. But I learned that some people are really hurt over “small” things because we have different levels of sensitivity, so always choose to be kind. 😊

5.       Cliché as it may sound, but respect really begets respect.

On this one, for me it is a case to case basis because I believe the fact that we are alive, we are human beings is enough for us to be respected, generally speaking.  But for example, an elderly woman rode the bus you’re in and all the seats are taken so you gave her your seat, that is respect. It means you have good manners and you respect her as an elderly. But if someone older than you disrespect you, harm you, or say bad things about you that are not true, then they don’t deserve your respect. They shouldn’t expect for something they themselves can’t give.

6.       Your friends can’t always be there for you and it’s okay.

This is one of the things I learned during this pandemic. Our friends are not always 24/7 available especially at these trying times. And it is because I myself have different commitments outside the image they have of me so I know that they also have lives to live that I do not know about. I wish we could be more understanding because the world doesn’t only revolve around us.

7.       Sometimes all you need is a good cry.

Things can get really hard of course, and based on experience, crying really helps. Sometimes you just really need to let it all out to lessen the weight.

8.       Unfollowing, muting, or unfriending someone on social media is okay.

If someone’s posts are mentally exhausting you or if they post too many negative stuffs and it affects you, it’s okay to unfollow or unfriend them. You can do that and not be mad at them. It doesn’t mean that you hold grudges or anything, you’re just protecting your inner peace.

9.       You can’t always expect to receive the same energy you give to people.

I used to think that how you value a certain person in your life is how they will also value you in return, in terms of friendship. But I was wrong. I realized that the love and importance you give to someone won’t assure your equal importance to them. I used to think it’s unfair, but now I realized it’s okay. Because it’s their loss, not mine. I learned my worth so now, I choose who I give my 100% to.

10.   Selective battles.

I call it selective battles because at times you just really need to choose the battles you’re going to take on. You don’t have to use your energy into something not worth it. We need to fight back sometimes, but sometimes we also don’t.

11.   Trusting your instincts.

There is this thing we call a girl’s instinct and we make it a deal because we have to admit, most of the times it is indeed right. I have proven it many times, and it saved me from embarrassing, heartbreaking situations, sometimes otherwise too. I also don’t know how but you really just can feel it.

12.   Never compromise your inner peace and comfort for the sake of others who won’t do the same for you.

I have done this before; I sacrificed my own comfortability to make someone in a comfortable situation and then I realized it caused me nothing but pain and difficulty. And then I just woke up realizing they won’t cross oceans for me like I would for them. But that was before, I now learned to make myself a priority before anyone else because at the end of the day, no one will pick up yourself but you.

13.   Do things that you love and make you comfortable whenever you feel lost.

Simple things like listening to music, watching your favorite series, going out with friends or just sleeping all day helps when you don’t know what to do anymore. Sometimes you just really need to take sometime off to breathe.

14.   The unexpected people in your life could be the best ones.

I have this close friend of mine whom I consider my own sister by heart. I met her when I was grade 7 and I never really thought we would be friends because she has her own circle of friends that time and I have mine. I remember having only few interactions with her until we reach 8th grade. I can’t remember what exactly happened but I remember being seatmates with her and the rest is history. She’s one of the best people in my life whom I know I can always count on to. We never talked about this but I’ve been meaning to tell her since years ago that for me she is my best friend. I even wrote a letter before telling her that but I lost it. When I felt like the world is against me, she was there. I know she’ll read this because she’s a writer here too.

15.   Win at your own pace.

Win in life at your own pace. Reaching college, I learned that life is never a race and a competition. You don’t have to pressure yourself and you shouldn’t allow other people to pressure you. There may be obstacles but that should not stop us from reaching our goals.

16.   Your first real heartbreak will teach you a lot of things.

I found myself when I experienced my first real heartbreak. It took long but I realized my worth and I get to know myself better when it happened to me. I realized what really matters and what doesn’t.

17.   Things will not always go the way we wanted and it’s okay.

I used to get easily hurt when things don’t go as planned or when things I hoped to happen didn’t happen but now that I’m getting a little older, I am handling it better when things like this happen. Maybe it’s because I am getting more mature. I realized that life is really like that, unexpected things happen so we should always be prepared to handle it.

18.   Rough times reveal true friends.

This is cliché but this is really true. There are friends whom after you tell them what’s bothering you, they seem to not care. I also experienced a situation where I sort of get hated when I am totally out of the picture in the first place because she didn’t listen to both of the parties involved and she just concluded who’s right and who’s wrong. Beware for that kind of people.

19.   Whatever you do, people will always have something to say.

Whatever you do, people will always have something to say so just do whatever you want. May it be positive or negative they will always comment on things that you do and you should not care. I used to be afraid of doing and trying things because I’m afraid of judgement. But I realized this is my life not theirs, it is mine to live.

20.   Some scars don’t heal over time.

They say time heals all wounds but there is just some pain that stays. Sometimes you thought you’re over it but it’s just hiding deep within you. And for me it is because your heart still seeks for answer. You still wonder why that person did that to you, or why things ended the way it did without proper closure. Some people really need to be decent enough to tell why they’re leaving or why certain things happened or why they did that. The trauma from leaving someone hanging is just too much to bear.

21.   Some unconditional love you could ever have are found in pets.

Whatever happens, our pets will always be there for us. Even when we get angry sometimes, they are still there. There may be times where they could hurt us but I know they still love us with all their heart. We should also check how we raise them, check the environment they’re in because it is a factor of how they will behave towards you. I miss our dog so much, whenever I feel like everyone is against me in our household, he isn’t. Because he doesn’t know a thing. When I go to him because I want to be comforted, he’s there. He’ll stay with me. But I know he’s happy now, so should I.

22.   Everything will be alright.

Just like in Taylor Swift’s song 22, everything will be alright. We just have to trust the process. We have to let ourselves feel the pain until it hurts no more. Masking and trying to hide the pain will only prolong the agony. Pain, after all always demands to be felt. Let it be, everything will be alright.

Life is a learning process. You may or may not agree to what I have stated above but that is all based on my personal experiences. I hope we all take time to reflect on what life is truly teaching us. I am still not the best version of myself but I try to better myself everyday to be the best I can be.

Thank you for reading! :)