Story of a life.

23 58
Avatar for gertu13
3 years ago

I feel the need to write about a subject that I don't know how much you are interested in, but I feel it is important to give my point of view.

I have read with much concern in many articles that people become so depressed that they can even reach the point of wanting to attempt against their own life. I will not say that this idea never occurred to me when I was young but it was not something that dominated my thoughts.

from unsplash

When I was young I once felt so trapped by circumstances that the thought of lightening my burdens came to mind. Let me say that from a very young age I had to work very hard for my ideals. Although I had my parents with me I could only count on the moral support of my mother because I could not count on the material support of my father, who was the one who supported most of the burden of the home.

I decided at the age of 14 that I had to study a quick and easy career in order to become independent from home. So I did. From a very young age I fought very hard to achieve my goals and I achieved them all. But at some point I made mistakes that I could not solve and I got frustrated. I had no one to turn to to help me lighten my mental burdens.

In those moments so strong because of the great weight of my negative thoughts I thought of alleviating my frustrating situation by ending my life. But you know what, I'm not that brave. Maybe some people think that suicide is an attitude of cowards but I think that in those moments the frustration that invaded my life was not so great as to have enough strength to end my life. I couldn't, that's why I think that someone who takes his own life or thinks about doing it has to know that he must be very brave because he must have so much courage to face a process of destruction against his life.

No, I couldn't. I saw everything in front of me. I saw my mother's pain, I saw my classmates repudiating the fact of my bad decision. I saw how it would end my life and with that it ended everything... and wasn't that what I was looking for... no, I just wanted to get out of trouble but I didn't want to end the good memories I treasured. Nor did I want to end my dreams of achieving goals.

That was the last time I thought about ending my life, at the age of 16. Little by little I kept facing the problems, the responsibilities grew, more and more. I always managed to get out of them all but there were more and more. I read so many articles to get the right tools to learn how to get out of it but it was all very complex.

And the best I could decide is what served me for the rest of my life. But I found out many, many years later. I had to let everything flow. Enjoy the good times and the little moments and let the bad decisions take their course, doing everything in my power to fix things and what was out of my power to let it run its course until it reached its spontaneous resolution.

Over the years I kept reading and appropriating ideas and advice from experienced people who recommended this and that. I took what worked for me and let go of what did not work for me according to my point of view. But what helped me the most to become what I am today was reading The Word. In the bible I found all the advice I was looking for all my life.

Gratitude, forgiveness, respect, tolerance, effort to achieve goals, discipline to organize priorities, sharing, acceptance of what happens, fortitude, discernment, and above all love, thinking positive even though everything is negative has led me to be the woman I am with more character and with ever renewed strength.

At my 60 years of age I am starting with new goals and they are developing with the rhythm that gives the significant occasion that we live in today. I am not defeated by obstacles, I am not intimidated by mistakes, I am not trampled by those who want to, but by those who can, and to the latter I also give my best battle.

I am back and I bring you my best experiences of the long life that God has given me.

13
$ 24.33
$ 23.99 from @TheRandomRewarder
$ 0.05 from @Alther
$ 0.05 from @Jeaneth
+ 7
Sponsors of gertu13
empty
empty
empty
Avatar for gertu13
3 years ago

Comments

so you had that phase too OnO i always thought you were a strong carefree woman but even you got that phase too

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I was never a carefree woman, rather I had many responsibilities. I had to pay for my studies, since I was 15 years old I worried about getting money for the household and for myself behind my father's back, and I was under a lot of pressure for a long time. We all burn out. You don't become a mature person by watching others.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

well you did mention those. i just thought that you managed them as long as your family was there. but I'm proud of you for not falling into that kind of temptation

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I only remember that I collapsed on one occasion. But I didn't get to the fact because my mind didn't know what method to use to sleep once and peacefully. I thought a lot and got nowhere. Fear pulled me out of negative thoughts. Besides thinking about my mother and what would happen to her because of my disappearance. God only knows why I didn't do it and preferred to continue crying and distressing myself. But life later brought me many satisfactions because I did not give up. And here I am telling my story.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

you've definitely been through a lot and you've definitely gotten much more fearless since, or so i see you as now. so even if it's a bit too late to say, you have done amazing to still be here with us today UwU

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Thank you for your nice comment but the struggle continues. It's all over when it's over and I still have a lot of fight ahead of me. Thanks for your comments my girl, you always have something nice to say.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

It is a great article. Thanks for writing this

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Thank you for reading it. Could you share with me what pleased you the most?

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Suicide, often fear. In my library, there is even a treatise from a sociological perspective by Γ‰meli Durheim. Curiously, I have never read it to corroborate the synthesis on the theory of society seen in a graduate course.

You know friend, dispense the tone of confidence, I think I will never read it, like you, in the Judeo-Christian writings I found answers to my concerns. Suicide is not a cowardly decision but the easiest and most pernicious. Life is the most wonderful gift that God gave us.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

These experiences are an important part of our training. And these are part of my life and how I see it. Everyone has their own way of seeing things and I don't mind if you give your point of view. Now I have another formation because of so many things that I went through in the end it was a call from the Lord to the Christian life. I joined a prayer group over the years. And I can say that thanks to my bible studies, the nuns and charismatic priests I have met, my life has a different meaning since about 10 years ago. Now I am charismatic and I can proudly say that I am in the service of God. Everything is an apprenticeship in life. Thank you for your support always.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

For the first communion,I received a Bible as a gift.I was 7 years old then.Bible was on my bookshelf in my room for a few years.At the age of 11,I decided to read it.I read it slowly and carefully.It helped me a lot too.Even,nowadays when I am free,I like to read it.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Yes, it is very important in our lives. I read the bible many times but I did it alone and I didn't understand many things. Until I joined prayer groups and I thank God for that. Now I am part of a charismatic church group and I thank the nuns and my priests who are an important part of my Christian formation.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Oh look! Rusty is back! :) He has been giving me a little some too and I am happy :) You know, I had similar thoughts too, of ending my life a few years ago. At that point of my life, everything seemed so hard. And then I started to imagine. How I would end it, what would happen after that and when I started to "see" what it would do to my parents, especially my dad, I stopped thinking about it. I couldn't bear to think how that decision would devastate them. There is much that can be done and we need to have that will and power to live . Prayers and talking to someone helps aplenty.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Ah dear I'm so happy for you. hooray hooray!!!... These were thoughts when I was very young. I had no friends, my father taught me that there were no friends. I learned because of the love I had for my mother and then I started to have friends and that is the most important thing I could do. I never again felt so devastated that I wanted to end my life. Thank God for that. Good thing you were able to see past the negativity too. I am so glad because we would have never met and you are a very special person. I love you very much.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I am glad that despite the worst scenarios that I experienced, ending my life became an option to me to escape the frustrations and sufferings I am into but God always send someone to lighten my burden at the right place and at the right time. Glory be to Him. πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Amen, so it is and always will be. For when we choose God as our Lord, owner and guide of our life, nothing and no one can provoke fear.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

That is absolutely right. πŸ’•

$ 0.00
3 years ago

When I did that, I was overpowered by the negative thoughts about the misery and problems I faced throughout my life. There was this voice telling me to do it forcefully 😞 so I did. Thank God I was saved.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I'm glad you weren't able to end the life. I remember that stage of my life as something very dark where I didn't even have friends, you know? my father instilled in me the idea that friends didn't exist and I was never able to share my joys or my defeats. I thank God for sending us angels to take care of us. Otherwise I would not have met you and you are a sweet girl. May God bless you always.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

God bless you too ❀ I am so happy seeing the bot being generous to you this time. 😁

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Amen. Yes, it is true and I am very grateful to the bot for being as I was before with my articles. It's great to be back!

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Dear friend I also thought of ending my life to end miseries and suffering but it is when you are at a low point when you get to realize there is a value with the life given to you and you are valued by the people around... Thanks for his article and sharing your life.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

This thought of self-harm is more common than I ever imagined. I never thought when I was young that I would one day be able to tell this story of my life but now I realize that it is all part of life. Both the good and the bad is what defines who we are today. The negative events help us grow and the positive things often make us stronger and push us forward. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I've been away for a while but I'm back.

$ 0.00
3 years ago