I Have Completed My Dreadful Bucket List, and I'm Not Proud!

I’ve been through a lot of hell experiences, hell... you know what that means. I wonder if my husband feels the same as me when he sometimes gets too quiet. He never even talked to me or glimpsed us with my kids. He often plays on his mobile phone during all his free time after work. Does he feel me when I'm not OK?

I understand how tempting it is to cuddle up on your bed in that little baguette shape enough to not want to move. Fortunately, I also know what mastering your emotions is like, so you tap into another strength of character to continue pushing! Know that it is possible to change your attitude and begin to believe in a better future when you feel like giving up. I knew it, but sometimes it didn't work!

But you know what the real hell am I talking about?

I've had the disheartening experience of being rejected by work companies.

I worked with 12 different companies and the struggles I experienced faded as if nothing had happened. My most recent experience was too close to stable job but, being pregnant becomes a big problem for them to accept an employee like me. It hurts like hell.

I fell in love with the devil.

It happened years ago, but the pain was a profound scar to me. I wish to curse that thing. Whatever this evil, he was absolutely in hell.

I suffered from being apart from my family and friends.

Being separated from my family was an enormous problem for me. I regretted it, there were a lot of wishes I had said before...I wish I could...I wish I have...I wish...I wish... There is something I could advise you when it comes to a family, spend a momentum experience with them while existing on Earth.

I was starving to death!

I mean, no eating for six days. No family, no friends, and no room mates. During those lonely moments, I felt that I had no good friends. Where were you guys? I texted when I was sick, I told you that I cannot go to work and please visit me because I need food and medicine. Nobody came to see me then. My family had no idea what was happening to me. I tried many times to contact friends near me, unfortunately, it didn't help.

I had a hard time being intimidated by my teacher.

I called it intimidation. Why? It's normal when your teacher calls you and let you do something in connection with the lessons. But calling you to be teased by your fellow students? I'm going to tell you the whole story of this intimidation scene. In the classroom, I used to sit around all day, listening to the discussions. Just listen, recite when my teacher calls me, but when she doesn't, I won't volunteer. They're always talkin' about me, but I just ignored it. One day, my teacher called me and told me to read the sentence. I did, she calls me, so I'm doing it. That hasn't worked for me, though. They all laughed, laughing because my teacher said, "Your voice seems to be coming out of the deep well. My teacher allowed me to repeat these phrases over and over again and they all laughed over and over again. Something else, while my teacher speaks to me in this way, she pointed her chalkboard on my forehead with force! It has been repeated, and I will never forget it.

I've been through a massive betrayal by my friends.

Love, cash, personal stuff, that's all. Do I look like a fool? No, I know what they've done. Just don't to do it again, mark my word.

I suffered from being hurt emotionally during pregnancy

Of course, my husband is always there beside me physically. What is being hurt is that, he's not talking to me when I needed it most. When I got pregnant, we lived in someplace where we were apart from our relatives. So the scenario was, when my husband went to work, I'm alone. When he came back, the same goes for him. Every day is like that, am all alone.

I suffered from Postpartum Depressions

When I was pregnant with my eldest son, I didn't know anything about postpartum depressions. A hundred percent, I didn't know about postpartum depressions. This crime happened when my mother left me three days after I gave birth to y son. My husband wasn't around every day because he needs to be at his work. I didn't do it intentionally I swear to God. I always slap my newborn baby at that time, every day. I feel like am a devil, I just look at him while he was crying, waiting for what will happen next. Sometimes I just want him crying, so I slap him, he cried until his face gets colored purple then that's the time I get awake then saying sorry my baby. That was the worst thing I've done in my whole life. I wish I get lost.

"I know God is always beside me."

After all, I still have hope in my mind, why not go on the positive side of dreadful experience?

It's all temporary, so don't give up, embrace this moment, continue to grow, good things are coming. See stuff, trust the machine, you did it every time you felt you couldn't keep going forward. To appreciate your power, take a moment. You got this, face forward! Be proud of every move, scream out to those who are trying to get their lives together. The toughest part of life is living on your own. Keep walking. It's getting easier.

Do you feel like surrendering? Keep walking. At the right moment, anything you need will come to you. Right now I have it inside me to get me to where I want to be later. It's all right to weep, but it's not right to give up. It's all right to scream and shout. Yet giving up hope is not all that. If it all appears to be going against you, note that the airplane takes off not with it against the sky. You'll want to give up at some point. Just consider it a reminder. You dare not!

It's hard to tell oftentimes if you have to relinquish and just let go... or whether you're being tested and seeing how long you can keep on. You are a work-in-progress that is incomplete. One of the positive things about the struggles of life. You will discover that you will be worthy of much more than you believed possible. Things often have a method of dealing out with the best cause, with the right person at the right moment. Keep your confidence.

One of the best encouragement I've ever received from people who said that my life was easy. When I hear this, it always makes me a creep. My life was kilometers and kilometers and miles. But in the end, I'm not sorry. and I became who I am today with my struggles. And I'm more and more knowledgeable and caring – because I love what I've got. I took the broken parts of my life, and I made something beautiful from it all with a mind.