Unashamed

Everyone pays so much attention to racism because they think its the reason alot of people feel they are in a place where they aint accepted which eventually makes their emotions drown them into depression. There is something else very much depressing which is being mocked about your looks and been tagged ugly. There is a misconception that only ladies or about a high percentage of ladies have Body image issues well i was also in that bracket even though while growing up i was tagged the “fat kid”. I am a man and i never realized i had Body image issue until i went shopping at a mall and some kids walked past me and made funny signs to each other. They mocked me because as a man they felt i had tits as big as that of an eighteen year old girl. I felt embarras and After I got home from the mall that day, I told my mom I wanted to start working out. It was one small thing I could do to fix my appearance. But that didn’t stop me from still feeling fat. I was the guy too scared to swim in public without a shirt. I learned what kinds of clothes hid my belly and tits.Sometimes I complain about my weight to my close friends, but they say they don't see it. Some tell me they think I have an athletic build. Others say I'm skinny. I don't believe it, and I grab my flab to prove it. I see my body bulging out of my shirt in the mirror. I carried this “fat image” in my subconcious mind that i even stayed away from mirrors because i hated to see my reflections. I had just started dating recently and my girl friend visited me and together we looked through my photo album of when i was a kid. She said she loved my pictures so much and asked why i stopped playing soccer. I got offended because i felt it was obvious she knew i was too fat and unfit to play soccer. I asked her if she preferred me back then or me now, if she didnt like how i looked and wanted to use soccer as an excuse for me to work out.Part of my struggle with my body image issue is a personal view that I'm failing at achieving my goal of slimming down. In my subconcious mind I'm not good enough because I'm out of shape, causing me to lose confidence and motivation to work out, but my exercise doesn't result in feeling skinnier. My girlfriend was very patient with me and she helped me alot because with her i had my first breakthrough. I admitted i had body image issue and for the first time in years i went swimming with her. That was the first step and its only takes one step to get you closer to restoring your self esteem.