Dark Clouds-(flash fiction)

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4 years ago

“Mom?, Is it going to rain?". My 16 year old daughter asked because she had this phobia for rain. The cloud had began to gather up and it seemed like we were in for a heavy down pour. One second, I took my eyes off the wheel for just a second.

My daughter’s shivering had distracted me that I lost control as my car went somersaulting off the road. Fuck!, I cursed underneath my breath as i struggled with my seat belt trying to get out of the car. Immediately, I went over to Amy’s side of the car and realized my daughter was unconscious. Panic flushed through my veins as I struggled with the door. I couldnt get it opened. I needed help.

The cloud was beginning to get thicker and darker. I rushed down to the side of the road hoping to get some help.
My vision was becoming faint as i was losing alot of blood from the wound on my left thigh. Phone!!!, i rushed back down to the car to get my phone. My sight got worse as i fumbled with the key pad.

After i called the ambulance i realized a small flame had ignited from a spark in the bonet of the car. The fire got bigger as i fell to my knees trying to get the door open. I slowly lost conciousness as i wished silently in my heart that the dark cloud would rain on this flame and save Amy’s Life.

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4 years ago

Comments

😥 oh man. this fiction hit me harder than I thought.

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4 years ago

I am glad my piece could trigger some emotions

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4 years ago

This is good, there is just one detail... in my opinion, it is a little too short. You get to the dramatic climax so quickly that there is no time for building suspense. But you are writing well. Just remember that English "I" should always be capitalised.

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4 years ago

Thanks for your comment. It was a micro fiction of 200 words. I was training my self to write within a constrained word count. About the pronoun "I"...correction duely taken. Stay tuned as i would share some of my lengthy novels soon.

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4 years ago