What can I say? Ernesto didn’t give me much grief today. We had an awesome day and SO much fun. I am turning my 1hr 20 mins timer not long before midnight, but time doesn’t matter, as long as I do it every day before I go to sleep.
Not sure who's Ernesto or what's with 1hr 20 mins timer? You can read all about it here.
I feel like writing so openly here on read.cash has a wonderful, healing effect on me. Most of my life I have been hiding all the dark secrets and rarely would I find a person I would trust and feel comfortable to share any of them with. I would hide things from my mom to protect her and from other people, because of shame and fear of judgement. Not many people know me here on this platform though.
There are maybe 3 real life friends who I sent links to some of my articles and the rest are my online friends whom I’ve met in the past year, since I joined tsu/display social. And you know what? Every single friend I have sent any of my articles to really enjoyed reading them and all say the same - that I should write a book! All have different ideas about what it should be about or what format, but they all agree that my writing is good and none are judging the ‘shameful’ parts I am disclosing.
I’m like ‘Wait, what? Where is the harsh judgement I was expecting to hear?’. Am I the only one judging myself? Of course I am. Again, this is so easy to see when I talk to my friends about THEIR lives and THEIR problems. One of them (let’s call her Megan for the ease) would often say how she’s concerned about what ‘they’ think/say about this or that and I always ask who are ‘they’. She can never really answer this, so I say that maybe it is just her that judges her life choices so harshly, not anyone else.
It’s so easy for me to advise Megan and see the pickle she’s in, because I look at her situation objectively. When it comes to myself, it’s so much more difficult to see where I’m stuck, because emotions are always running wild. But now I can see that I am my own worst judge and maybe I’ll start to share my writing with more and more people.
Today (or yesterday technically, as it’s past midnight now) I’ve had the greatest birthday I can remember for a long time. Read.cash and noise.cash are the only 2 platforms I have visited today. Although I haven’t been very long on either, some users I already know from other platforms and I received so much love and kindness that my cup feels overflowing with joy. I even posted my selfies and wished myself a happy birthday, which is highly unusual for me!
When I got up, I felt as if I was hungover, even though I haven’t drank any alcohol for many days, neither was I vaping. Probably staying up too late threw me off balance a bit. The sun was shining brightly, just like I requested ; ) and on days like this I like to sit on my front porch and sip my coffee, while aligning with morning sun. Yesterday I had headphones with salsa music on, as my next door neighbour is building a wall and there is a lot of noise. Today they were laying bricks and listening to nice music on the radio, so I skipped the headphones. That seemed to have worked as an invitation, as one of them started to pick on me.
‘You’re writing a lot, are you writing a book or something?’ he asked.
‘Yes, I am actually writing a book.’ I said. I was writing down my last night's dream in my diary, but who is to say that my book won’t be about dreams analysing? Plus the look on his face when I said this was worth a little white lie.
‘Ohh really? Are you writing about us, the two workers, who worked near your house?’ he asked.
‘I thought there were 3 of you working here’ I replied.
‘No, just the 2 of us now. Grandad has already done his job, so maybe you can say in your book that he died?’
I probably shouldn’t but I laughed out loud. His wit and fast response was undeniable. He made me laugh many more times. He also introduced himself to my mum as my new husband, but luckily my mum just waved and smiled, as she couldn’t understand a word he was saying, because she doesn’t speak English.
The new phone that I ordered on Tuesday and was meant to be delivered yesterday also arrived today, which brightened up my day even more. It arrived at 12:33 - 1 minute before the scheduled time and we had a little chuckle about it with the delivery guy.
And yes, mom sent me her wishes on skype and she thanked me for the Mothers Day ‘card’ I made and sent her yesterday. I video called her and that's when she told me she called my phone number, but nobody picked up and it was talking in English, which makes sense, as the old phone is off today and nobody knows the new number. She also tried calling on skype, but she’s really not great with technology and she couldn’t make it work. Dad helped her write the message before he left home in the morning.
I cried my eyes out when I heard that. They were happy tears and I usually hide my tears from my mom at all cost, but I couldn’t today. She even turned the telly down when she saw me in tears. I know… it’s kinda funny, except it’s not. She's so hypnotised by the tv and barely pays attention to what I say when we’re on video call. Seeing me, always composed, breaking down like a baby got her attention. She was worried that something bad had happened to me, but I assured her that all was well. Sometimes all we need is a bit of care and the right type of attention and what’s better than attention coming for your mum?
