To live up to the Family Expectation

“Do you have a dream?”

I mean a dream of your own.

Probably, you'll answer me Yes.

But please can you think of it once again.

Was it your dream, not a dream demanded by other people or your family?

If not, you're so lucky to have a supportive family. However, some people are ordained to do something, not for themself but to live up to their family's expectations. I saw someone who was being chained, tied-up with her obligation in her family. No doubt, our family matters to us especially our parents however, some parents neglected their child's freedom, freedom in choosing their careers, in what field they loved to cater their skills, and choosing their life as they want to be. I know most of you will say all parents just want all the good in their children, but to be honest, not all parents are like that.

In my 25 years of existence, I've been through a lot, I've been to happy moments, challenging, confusing, and hardships too. When I was a kid, I used to dream of becoming a nurse. That's not because I want to be one, but they want me to be somebody like my aunt. Who works as a full-time nurse in Riyadh. That's what my family wants me to become.

“You must be like her, so you can build a mansion.”

“You must be like this, you must be like that.”

I can't count how many times they uttered those words to me, instilling their own dreams and desires for me when I grow up. They never asked me what do I want to become. And honestly, I can't answer them, because I, myself, don't know what I truly want to become in life. However, I am into music but mostly into the arts. I love to draw, sketch, and give color to my imagination. I love watching anime since then, and that added up to my passion for art.

Aside from my teachers and classmates, no one appreciates my drawings at home. I draw whenever I'm happy or in sorrow. Inspired or just feel to illustrate my fantasy. But my passion for arts was forgotten, as I moved to high school. And as usual, I'm dictated by my father to be like “this and that” when I grow up. Not to brag, I'm an honor student from the first year to the fourth year. But I'm not happy, not because I don't want to become one, but because I felt unappreciated. Every time we had an awarding ceremony at school no one was with me to put my medal on. I felt so deserted from my other classmates. Maybe because I have no mother or someone to come with me because my father can't leave his work even just for a second. And, it's just a piece of medal it can't buy a house or a car.

When in college, my father finally asked me what course do I want to take. And I told him I want a course in “Fashion Designing”.

“What job will you get from that? No school caters to such course. Just choose a course that the university offers here.”

I shut my mouth, and then chose “Hotel and Restaurant Services and Technology”. Then, he looked at me like a future “hotelier”. Not really my thing, but I have no choice and besides, that's the only course which I can offer my simple talents. But I sometimes think about, what if I take the course of my kind?

Probably, most children can't hide from this sad reality, but it's very natural, so normal for your parents to expect something from you. Unless. they're expecting too much, which is not healthy in a way a child will feel lack of self-esteem and being tied in the neck. Some expectations from you will give you too much pressure as you grow. We. lived in a very. competitive world. Where people aren't contented with what they have and what they possess in life. And your parents worked hard to save and earn for your future. However, you may find it difficult to choose the right direction and oath where you want to walk in because it is covered with mountains of expectations your parents have put up.

No wonder, our plans sometimes alter from our parents' plans for us and it sometimes results in serious family issues. But I somehow managed to deal with it without making any conflicts. Sometimes parents will compare you against other kids, and expect you to follow their steps. Maybe their. intentions are pure but the effect on it to you isn't as nice as they thought.

And as a person who experienced these high expectations, I told myself not to do it with my kids in the future. That instead of expecting too much and setting the standards too high, I'll choose to encourage them. Encourage them to show off their skills. and abilities, that what they're doing is right. To follow their desires as long as it won't harm them. I want them to build self-confidence and know that I'm just here their back to support them all the way. I'm here to let them understand that it's okay to commit mistakes and accept that sometimes they'll earn some failures while trying out their very best.

Are you doing what your heart desires, or living up to society's expectations, what friends and family think? Because the moment you start doing what you love, what you truly feel in your heart, all your cells start working for you.”

- Ralph Smart

Go out of that shell, be true to yourself and your family. Isn't it a comfortable, happier, and better life if what you're doing is what you truly love?

Written by: @eommaZel ✍🏻🥀