Some people say you need to express your feelings to gain peace, inner peace. But sometimes, we are torn between should we tell them or just keep it with ourselves.
I am a silent type of person, I rarely talk with strangers or with people around me I'm not comfortable with. But I'm completely different when I'm with my friends, however, one thing is very common between the two, I'm not a person who asserts myself always. I joked I laughed, I made silly things but when it comes to personal things, emotions, or sentiments, I'm always tongue-tied.
Even at home, I only stay in my room most of the time, but those were during my teenage years. I can say I have matured a lot since then. But sometimes, I still can see it with myself, that I'm not expressing myself better again.
I faced a lot of life changes, battled some of my fears, face some criticisms, and was being judged. Well, it's part of human life, so I won't complain. However, there are certain moments when I am stuck up with my words. What I have inside my head was very clear, but when I am about to say it, the whole message was ruined.
It's a terrible feeling when you're not able to tell what you truly feel when you can't say what you truly want to express. It'll be always heavy, and something’s pulling you off from doing anything. But I guess, one of the most valuable and greatest qualities of some people is that we don't tend to say anything quickly. Our thoughts, our feelings seemed blocked by some walls build by ourselves to protect us from others.
I don't mind choosing the persons in my life, I choose only whom I considered best to give my trust with, but I give all people I met some respect yet both are different stories. Just like in choosing my words, and people I want to tell my stories. I'm not an expressive person, even until now but sometimes I have to stand for my right especially when enough isn't enough. But sometimes we missed saying what we truly feel because of our fear to be misunderstood. That emotion may halt us from saying anything and makes us just keep it with ourselves.
I've met some people who tell me their stories, and some gossips they know. There's a certain moment when I asked one of them.
Why are you saying it all to me?
She smiled and confidently replied,
Of course, I trust you!
I felt pleased but at the same time guilty since I can't do the same with her. It's not that I don't trust her but I believe that being too much expressive will put me in regret in the future. However, I'm always keeping their big or tiny little secrets safe, since I'm busy minding my “own” life, and also I don't want to ruin their trust in me.
While everything changes when you're a mom or a parent. Aside from nurturing and guiding your children being in marital life is never easy too. There come misunderstandings, pinpointing, and a lot of unexpected problems both of you, the husband and the wife have to overcome and solved. After being with my partner for six (6) years, I've learned things I never expect to learn before.
Sometimes, we will undergo a certain situation where both of us hold grudges against each other. But we used to make things better before we go to sleep, I guess it's very important not only between the husband and wife also between deeper connections. But there's a time where I can really express what I feel inside, that's the time I'll choose to be quiet and let me embrace sadness alone. Not because I want to but because I sometimes experienced things that became worst when I confessed my real emotions and was afraid to let them happen again.
So, I learned that it is better to take time, understand not only myself but the person around me too, give them the benefit of the doubt, and won't judge them easily, and then if I'm ready to tell, I can now express my feelings to the rightful person to hear them.
Also, I always remind myself of this saying. (Photo above)
I know it's not good to utter words without thinking about them first. Making promises when you're happy will most likely fail if you're not truly dedicated to it. When we feel extreme happiness we'd like to spread it to the people around us, and some could make a promise out of the blue without a concrete decision.
When you're mad at someone, you could say some words unintentionally, some are harsh words that could make things worst. And if is uttered once, you can't get back the words you've said. I always doing that before, and I realized it won't cause any good. So, when you're angry it's best to calm down first and assess the real situation. Avoid making another mess by misunderstanding.
And lastly, it happens all the time where most people decide when they're sad and most decisions are truly inappropriate, unfit with the real circumstance. We know when we're sad or unhappy we sometimes focus on the negative things, and instead of holding on, you'll just choose to let go even you don't have to. That's the danger of being too emotional sometimes.
So when it comes to expressing my feelings, I first recognized my real emotions and settle them with myself, and you know how I do it? Through writing.
I always write whenever I have unspoken thoughts inside of me, most especially if it's tearing my heart into pieces. My notepad is my witness and my listener, all of my sentiments, and everything I wanted to say to someone, I jot it down there. After I'm done with them, the heavy feelings will slowly fade, not totally but it was lessened. Now, after that, I'm quite certain of what words to say in telling the particular person about my feelings with them.
Till now, I'm not an expressive person but I always try my best to express myself better. I don't want to be over-expressive and make things worst, I just want to lessen the misunderstanding around me.
It's true, not everyone acts and thinks the way we are but I thought about it if I won't tell them what I truly feel or when I want to ask them about something particular, how can I know the reason from them if I didn't do a thing to get some answers. Maybe, it's just about perfect timing and choosing the right words to avoid misinterpretations.
Written by: @eommaZel ✍🏻🥀
Lead Image: Unsplash
I guess you are an introvert?