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"Favoritism: An opinion from a Middle Child"

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Written by   431
1 month ago

For once in your life, especially to those who have other siblings at home, did you ever thought that your parents have what we so-called “favorites” among all of you?

This is a very common topic for discussion, and mostly, I heard that the middle child always gets little care and less attention from parents.

Parents are always there for their children, their love, care, and attention should be shared equally, that's what I thought when I wasn't a parent yet.

I grew up with less attention at home, before my father and mother separated, I was the one who was always being left alone, with less supervision, and seldomly asked if I'm fine. I have an older brother whom I saw was treated like special by both of my parents. He was always asked if what he wants for a snack, he could sleep all day without being scolded. Unlike me, I couldn't sleep until 7 am, I felt I was trained to do the household at a very young age.

That happened before my mother left us, left me at home. I always noticed that when every brother was hurt, they always bought him something to soothe his mood. Whenever he was sick there's always a plate of fruits prepared by mom.

I often saw that scenario, but I seldom experience it, to be the one they cared for.

That's the time when I thought, they have chosen their favorite between the two of us. That I'll be forever who will run their errands at home.

I honestly felt jealousy, it wasn't a healthy feeling, I grew up with a bit of enviousness from my brother, still, I am just thankful our relationship as a sibling wasn't affected.

However, I grew up longing for attention from my parents, especially my mom. My father loves me so much, I knew it because I could tell it on how he treats me but he has no time to check up on me every day.

Then, when my mom got pregnant with our third sibling, everything became unclear. Our family was slowly breaking, the bond and the ties were gradually torn apart.

When our little sister arrived, I was given the responsibility to take care of her. Me, I am just a kid but I felt I am not one of those children outside our fence. I was left at home alone with an infant, I was instructed to watch over my tiny sister sleeping soundly in the hammock.

I was obliged to cook rice every 6 pm, I learned to do it as early as 7 years old.

Those feelings I dealt with weren't good to remember, I was often hit by my mom with bamboo sticks whenever I made a mistake. And as an immature being, I once asked myself silly questions.

Why am I treated like this?

Am I adopted?

What if they're not my real parents?

Those stupid questions were often floating in my young mind every time I was treated badly at home.

“I'm just not her favorite.”

I remember when I was in grade two, I was too lazy to go to school and my mom threw all my clothes outside. I was crying helplessly and tried to fold them one by one. I knew she had her purpose but honestly, it broke my youthful heart that time.

Then, the favoritism factor I used to believe became bigger.

There were times I was being locked in the room because I accidentally broke a vase in the living room. In my innocent mind, I once thought about how miserable my life is. I even thought about giving up or running away from home, but those might be caused by my traumas.

Why among us three, I am the one who's treated like this?

It was a long story but our family became broken. My brother and I were left with our father and our little sister was with our mom.

Then, our story became more crooked. My brother hated our father that much because he broke up with our mother. So, I became a young adult at home. I took care of the kitchen, I do the laundry, wash the dishes, and keeping the house clean at the very young age of eight. I have no choice, but I never hated my mom leaving us.

I am somehow thankful because of her treatment of me. Because of her, I learned to do the household chores and applied those learning when she left us. I learned to be brave to face the new situation served in front of me.

Then when I slowly turned mature, I realized those weren't always about favoritism at all. Maybe there could be at times, parents give more attention to one sibling than those of the others, because that sibling needs extra attention and guidance.

Because they need to help them build their characters to be stronger too and be ready to face the world as they age.

My brother before rarely talks about his true feelings, whenever he's mad or disappointed he always locked himself in his room. He hardly listens to advice, and barely communicates maybe those were the reasons why my mom was so eager to attend to him.

While I, the middle child in the family who gain little attention, doesn't need further attention at all, as I could handle things more than my brother can. I'll just take it that way.

Now that I am a parent too, I always show my kids that I love them equally, but honestly, the attention I could provide to each of them give wasn't equivalent.

Because the attention and care each of the kids needed weren't the same and equal as always. Since every child is special in their “own” ways, the attention they needed should be compatible with their own individualism.

So while there's a chance, don't let your children suffer jealousy from believing in favoritism among siblings. Just like any other human being, we all need attention so as the youth, don't let them beg for your time and care all the time.

I know for some parents don't want their children to feel the way I felt before, however, unintentionally, it hurts the children's feelings when they see they are less cared for. It may be not intentional but the scar will leave a mark when left unattended.

Written by: @eommaZel✍🏻🥀

PS: This article was scanned through a plagiarism checker at duplichecker.com, here's the link


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Written by   431
1 month ago
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Comments

I am somehow relieved you chose to understand and guve reasons for all the treatments you received. Though in my judgment, there really was some kind of a mistreatment. Anyway, gld that you also learned from that experience and become a mom that makes sure all children feels equal love. It is so traumatizing and depressing for a child to feel such emotions you felt and experiences you had at that age. I now believe that parents really have some part in building a life of a person overall.

I am also a middle child, and I can't really remember feeling inferior of my siblings. Maybe I just really did not care about attentiom or what, because I am secure knowing our mom loves us all equally. The punishments done to me are also done to them, how they treat me is how our parents treat them as well.

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1 month ago

I feel sorry po sa mga pinagdaanan nyo lalo na nung bata pa kayo. Pero salute po sa inyo dahil naging strong kayo dahil dun. Siguro nga po mas kailangan lang talaga ng brother nyo ng attention dahil hindi nya kaya ang mga bagay bagay na mag-isa lang at lagi nya kailangan ng katulong at karamay kaya sya lagi ang nabibigyan ng atensyon. And tama po kayo na kapag tayo naman yung naging parents na ay dapat hindi natin ipadama yun sa mga magiging anak natin, no matter how hard it is to do that.

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1 month ago

You went through a lot and those experiences made you the strong person you are today.

The issue of favoritism among children is something is don't support, it is impossible not to like a kid more than the others but we mustn't show it in any form.

A parent who wants a happy home mustn't let her favorite kid known.

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1 month ago

Thank you so much, George. I'm just happy I was able to comprehend that some things weren't under my control. So, as I experienced those before, I learned and applied the lessons I'd recognized from those. 😊

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1 month ago

Good to know those lessons have been very helpful for you all this while

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1 month ago

I understand your feeling. I also went through something similar and asked myself your same questions. But time passed and everything changed. Then I went from not being a favorite to occupying a privileged place.

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1 month ago

I'm glad everything is better now and you earned a favored place. That's relatively inspiring. ☺️

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1 month ago

That happened many, many years ago. Something like 30 years ago. It's over and now I'm alone with my only child.

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1 month ago

Ako panganay and lagi sakin sinasabi na ako daw favorite ni papa tapos Yung bunso Naman favorite ni mama pero sabi Naman ng parents namin pantay pantay Lang daw pagmamahal nila samin.

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User's avatar Yen
1 month ago

Yan din sabi nila dati pantay2 daw pero iba naman nafefeel ko. 😅 Pero keri lang matagal ndin naman yun. ☺️

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1 month ago

Believe it or not we all had this feeling once in our childhood that "I am adopted" 😂

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1 month ago

Hahaha I guess, it's part of human history. 🤣🤣

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1 month ago

I feel you sis. Feeling ko kasi mga middle child mas maintindihin. I've been there too gang ngayon pero di ko naman natry yung sayo sis kasi si nanay bihira lang sa bahay nun.si tatay lagi nagagalit sa amin.haha . I don't know vut I feel like I'm the eldest child kasi ako yung mas ngcacare at masyadong affected sa mga bagau na ngyayari sa bahay though I have an older sister and brother as well.

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1 month ago

Kaya nga eh, kaya minsan pag middle child madalas di priority hehehe, baka gnun tlga . Yan tlaga laging nkikita ko sa eh

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1 month ago

Sa bahay naman. Mga kapatid ko jealous sakn kc ako daw favorite nla mama at papa. Hndi pinapalo at pinapagalitan. Panu ako lng naman responsible mag isip samin 🤣 baby sitter and second mother at a young age...lol...

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1 month ago

Hahhaa Buti kapa di pinapalo, ako dati kay mama lagi eh hahaha. Pero kay papa naman never ako pinalo hehe, parang ako din pla. Ang bata ko pa nung nag alaga sa bunso namin. Pag ngkasakit nman kuya ko, absent ako para mg alaga. 😅

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1 month ago

Kay mama never...mabait yun. Kay papa once. Pro hndi naman ganun kasakit unlike kela kuya 😅

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1 month ago

You're more mature na kasi kesa dun sa brother mo. Mas kaya mo na ang sarili mo, kqya yong ibang bata nagrerebelde talaga ss mga magulang diba. Kala nila hindi sila mahal. ako naman di nakaranas ng ganito. Walang favoritism na naganap basta chill lang kami haha.

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1 month ago

Naku, buti pa sa inyo walang gnyan hehehe. Dto hanggang ngayon gnun parin. Ang may malaking kita pinapriority, pag walang income, parang walang silbi ganern. 😅

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1 month ago

My mom was throwing such words at me when I was a kid..Words that are not meant for kids and also that kind of treatment whe she loves and put more attention to my cousins in their side than to her only son. Me . I should not experience the bad effects of favoritism coz I'm just only one but nah..still experienced it.. Her words before engraved to my minds and that molded me to who I am today. I became.a tough kid. and I'm still thankfull for her.

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1 month ago

Aw, I'm glad di ka ngrebelde sa mom mo, ako kasi kahit gnun hindi ko nman naisip mgrebelde Yun nga lng gaya mo, tumatak tlga sakin yung gnawa niya pati pananalita hehhee kaya now mas wiser na ko, di ko narin hinahayaan tapak tapakan ako

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1 month ago

I'm also a middle child and also experienced the same. It's all just when we were kids, though. Now, the one who have stable income will win.

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1 month ago

Hahahaha natawa ako sa stable incomw 👀

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1 month ago

Ganun naman talga ngayon, talamak talaga yan sa probinsiya.

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1 month ago

I agree, I am experiencing it too. Whoever got the biggest salary earns respect the most 🤷🏼‍♀️

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1 month ago

True

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1 month ago