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Dwelling the Fear: Life After Graduation

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Written by   436
3 weeks ago

September 25, 2021

In life, probably one of the most popular dreams of humankind is to gain education, wear a toga and hold a diploma with a bachelor’s degree. This is the very main goal of “most” parents and children around the globe.

Who doesn’t want to carry a diploma with them?

Even I before aspired to achieve that.

I sometimes think about why some students doesn't take education seriously, on how most students are in a hurry to graduate with their reasons they want to rest themselves from school. That they just are tired of facing their homework and school tasks. Without them realizing the real world is waiting for them as they step out of their universities.

Even my younger sister who’s currently a grade 11 student wants to make the time faster and then graduate for the reason she wants to have a lesson-free and exam-free life.

Then I told her, “it’s not as easy as you think, real battle in life starts right after you graduated.”

“By that time you have to live the life you planned; pay your “own” food, bills, and other expenses. You will stand on your “own” foot carrying the weapon you have, your education. That’s why you’re studying today so you’ll be ready for what life might offer as you graduate.”

She was silenced and I saw in her eyes that she didn’t even think about what I’d said to happen in the future.

Then I thought, am I too harsh for telling her the truth? However, my topic for today is kind of different from this matter.

I am only a college graduate in a two-year “ladderized” course. I used to dream of finishing college with a bachelor’s degree too but then it’s just part of the past now.

I just came up with this article because of the heart-to-heart talk I had with my cousin the last time.

A few days from now she’ll be graduating in a 4-year course, BS Information Technology. She’s the 4th among her 5 siblings and the only rose among the thorns.

All her older brothers were college graduates in a two-year course just like me. And as she decided to take a Bachelor’s degree, the pressure and expectations behind her are too heavy.
I really pity her the last time we spoke to each other, she was told to take over their expenses at their home by the time she will get a job.

As soon as she landed a job, she will give more than half of her salary to the household. And she needs to help her older brother who has a family now whenever they need financial assistance. She’s 25 years old and she’s afraid that she might end up growing old alone with all the responsibilities assigned to her.

She is pressured about the expectations of her family, and she’s afraid of the unseen things waiting for her as soon as she graduates. She’s also overweight, or I should say, obese and that’s making her more skeptical if she will get a job immediately.

To be honest, we have talked about the future that awaits her how many times before and I always told her to just think positively, and what’s important is she being a bachelor’s degree holder. She has a diploma to show and the skills she is equipped with.

But she couldn’t deny the fact that she’s too fragile and that worries her that much too. While others are excited to graduate, she’s too afraid of life after she graduates.

I just thought of myself back then when I was in college I was never pressured by my father and I am very thankful.

Sometimes, parents greatly affect how their children face and struggle towards life. And one of the toxic mindsets of some (not all) “Filipino” parents is that they’re expecting their child to pay them back what they have spent for their child to complete college. That they treated their children as future banks as soon as they could earn their own money.

I’m sorry, but that’s how I see other parents here in the Philippines, it’s just my opinion based on my observation.

I remember the seminar we had for the baptism of my firstborn way back in the year 2017, we parents were reminded not to treat our children as piggy banks when they turned into adults. We, the parents must be the ones to provide them good life because we gave them life.

Even before that seminar, I already have that mindset, my husband and I should be the ones to provide our son with good life without expecting anything in return as he grows old. Because I saw how my cousin struggle and almost hated her parents for scolding her and reminding her repeatedly that she should be like this and like that when she graduates.

It’s sad how other parents treat their children that way without them realizing that something is growing inside their children that they have unintentionally planted a seed of pain and fear gradually expanding as the year's pass.

I know parents have different ways and styles of parenting, so I still respect them for their choices.

And as a daughter, I still get in touch with my father regardless of I have a family now. And whenever he needs help with his work I am always ready to help, that’s all I could for now as I am not yet financially stable to provide him.

I am very grateful I was raised by a man who loves his children that much; he never pressured me to earn money quickly as soon as I graduate. And It’s my choice to look for a job weeks after my graduation before. He never asked for a penny while I was working way back before, instead, he prefer to see me once in a week or a month to check how I was doing.

Some children of these days are pressured in school works and at home without letting the society know. Sometimes it’s not about the parents too; it’s about the perception of the child himself. But of course, everything has its reason. We all have our “own” stories, by the way.

If you’re someone who’s on the same boat as my cousin, life after graduation shouldn’t be as difficult; you shouldn’t fear it, all you need to do is setting a goal or plan before it.  Through that, you’ll be guided easily when and where you should start, though many factors might stress you out, the main character of your life is still you.

Don’t let negativity win over you. It’s just about how you handle the pressure. Remember you are equipped with something others might not possess, the diploma. Trust yourself, the skills you have, and achieve your dreams, ask God for guidance. After you graduate you’ll see how wonderful life is that’s the time you’ll see the reality of it. Just take this as a piece of advice from your “unnie” or big sister here on 😅

I know for sure, if the child grows up full of love, with decent principles, God-fearing, with empathy, and was raised decently and guided all the way, surely they will willingly offer what they could give to show gratefulness to their parents. For the parents like me, we don’t need to force them to pay us back, they don’t have to.

Parents are here to mold and guide their children so they could stand on their “own“as they grow old and start to face life and live the life they want and dream of. And education is a stepping stone for a better future that awaits.

I know, no parents want their children to be miserable, and they only want the good for them, however, some parents are not like that, that’s the mere truth.

As I’ve said before, there are no perfect parents in this world, we all have our flaws and shortcomings, however, we can always choose to be good ones.

So if you're graduating this year or in the future and still uncertain, don't let the fear and pressure eat you up, you are already great, and will be more amazing if you'll believe in yourself further! 🙂

Thanks for reading!

Ps: This article is purely my thoughts and opinion so I'm open with other viewpoints.

This article was run through a plagiarism checker, Grammarly. Check the results here.

Written by: @eommaZel

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Written by   436
3 weeks ago
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Hayss Filipino culture. Pinsan ko ganyan , maaga nag asawa at nabuntis Sabi Hindi Kita pinag aral para sa asawa mo makinabang. Ang hard non grabe. Buti papa ko lagi sinasabi samin na Hindi namin sila obligasyon but still nung may trabaho ako magpapadala padin ako unti now na may pamilya na.

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User's avatar Yen
3 weeks ago

Ay sobra naman nun mommy, pero di naman tlga obligasyon ng mga anak. Nasa satin nlng yun bilang anak or magulang pano iaccept.

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3 weeks ago

Ito yung need mabasa ng mga grduating students ngayon para ma motivate pa lalo, hindi kasi talaga maiiwasan yung expectation kapag makapag tapos kana. Kahit nga mga chismosa nakikitanong kung may trabaho kana hahaha. 🤣 Hindi talaga natin obligasyon ang buhayin sila pag tanda nila but as a anak nasa atin yon kung ibabalik natin sa knila lahat ng sakripisyo na ibinigay nila sa atin, hindi rin masisisi yung ibang anak kung bakit inaabandona ang mga magulang dahil may mga magulang na walang kwenta rin. 🤧Anyway Ang galing mo mag advice sis. ❤️

$ 0.05
3 weeks ago

Aw, thank you sis. 💚💚 Kaya nga eh, basta naman napalaki ng maayos ang anak, malaki ang chance na sila mismo magkukusa, pero iba iba din naman tyo pero wag lng sna ipressure. Yung ibang magulang kasi ng eexpect ng sobra sa kakayahan ng anak nila kaya minsan samaan pa ng loob nakukuha. 😅

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3 weeks ago

Yep. Yan din yung mga mali sa magulang nasubrahan rin minsan at yumayabang sorry to say this pero may mga ganyang magulang talaga 🤧 swerte nalabg ng iba hindi sila pine pressure sa bahay 🤧.

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3 weeks ago

Feel ko yung pressure..haha.. But it's my choice to carry the burden of my family

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3 weeks ago

Naku napakabait mo kasing anak, I mean yung kayang magsacrifice para sa family. Konti nlng tlga ang tulad mo, yung pinsan ko naman nappressure kahit gagraduate plang di pa kasi graduate andami ng naghihintay na obligasyon.

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3 weeks ago