In my previous article, I have talked about the signs of Bad Parenting. The responsibility of being a parent is very difficult and only parents or guardians can understand the struggle. As kids need to be guided and nurtured as they grow, the obligations are getting tough too. Parents may have their personal ways in upbringing of their children, some ways are good and some are bad, consciously or unintentionally.
Just a quick review, here are some signs of Bad Parenting.
Excessive Reprimanding
Disciplining your Child in Front of Everyone
All Advice and No Encouragement
Withholding Affection
Not Setting Rules: Little or No Discipline
Rigid Discipline
Over or Under Involvement
Comparing
To read more, here's the link. (click here)
How does Bad Parenting affect your child?
Bad parenting as I mentioned before, isn’t determined to a single deed only, but it is a collection of these acts, acts that are usually what contributes to an unhealthy effect on the child.
Here are some effects of Bad Parenting on children:
Poor Resilience
When we say resilience, it means the ability to recover or recoup quickly from difficulties or toughness. Bad parenting may cause poor resilience in children. The young ones learn to cope with their emotional, mental, and physical difficulties by recognizing how their parents deal with any problems by themselves. If a parent was negative in upbringing her child, it will affect the child negatively. Making the child not being able to deal with negative emotions she may encounter in life.
Depression
Neglectful parents oftentimes have no idea what their child is suffering deep inside. I saw how a teenager battle with hard times and feel so depressed because her mother keeps on putting her on shame by scolding and yelling at her publicly. She even tried to hurt herself with a blade. I saw it right in front of me, but fortunately, her brother stopped her before she cut her wrist. Instead of empathizing with her child, her mom even shouted and got mad. I feel sorry for the kid. I can feel her remorse for herself. This is one great example of how bad parenting actions can lead to depression. When a parent lacks emotional and physical support to the child, with physical punishment, and an unhealthy expression of negative emotions, a child will more likely to develop despair which leads to depression.
Unkind or Antisocial Behaviors
Antisocial behavior is recognized wherein a person or a child has no consideration of how his doings might affect other people. Bad parenting with actions like parental drug abuse, domestic violence, and maternal depression usually partake in this circumstance. Most probably if these negative actions will continue, the child will more likely to acquire antisocial behaviors which may lead to substance abuse, mental health problems, vices, crime, and poor health.
Aggression
Have you ever been to a daycare center or a kindergarten? In a daycare center or any school, you'll meet different children with different personalities and I've been in a daycare center a couple of times already as my son began schooling last October. His teacher was my daycare teacher before, and she loves to discuss with me about her previous students. She said, she noticed that some of her pupils were aggressive, but they won't be like that if they're treated well at home. She noticed that their parents were tough or too strict enough in handling their blunders or unruly behaviors. This kind of handling of children will cause the child to have high levels of anger.
Lack of Empathy
First of all, empathy means is the capacity to recognize, understand, and share the thoughts and feelings of another. Children who suffer from bad parenting may have less or no empathy towards others, as they were treated with neglect and indifference at home. They will most likely do the same with another kid just like what they were dealt with at home.
Low or Lack of Confidence
I, as a child before having low confidence too. I grew up in a broken family which I mentioned a couple of times already here at read.cash. No one helped me. to build my self-confidence. I was afraid to make mistakes and even questioned my abilities. I felt neglected and isolated at the same time. Though my father gave me everything, he lacks in putting on me some motivation and courage. He was busy with his work too that's why he doesn't have much time for us. If I developed low confidence even having a good father, what more if a parent has a negative parenting style. Some parents may compare their children and keeps on instilling on their minds to be like someone else. These acts may create negative emotions such as jealousy and low confidence, and it will cause drawbacks as they grow.
Problem with Relationships
Oftentimes, when parents don't help their child in expressing their emotions healthily, it may influence their child negatively. They will make it hard to keep relationships or friendships, as there don't have enough understanding of how to maintain a friendship reasonably. It will be hard for them to keep and show their true feelings or emotions which makes it hard for them to find someone to understand and appreciate them deeply.
Above are just a few lists of the effects of bad parenting on children. In my personal experience, I grew up in an unhealthy family. My parents were not on good terms since I was a kid. We can't hide the fact that bad or toxic parenting has allotted or influenced how a child will grow up into an individual. However, for me, it's still about the child's pure perception of the situation. It is up to him if he wants to change, cope with the situation, or go with the flow. It's all about willingness, and determination for a better living by changing those negative impressions into the brighter side.
Can you be a perfect parent?
Of course, not, or if you were, please tell me how. However, you can always be a good one. And one of the heaviest parts of being a parent is to acknowledge that you have bad sides too.
Before, I thought all I did was good for my kids, but later on, as I made reflections on my actions, I do realize it too. I'm not perfect, I'm not a noble parent who has never been mad or yelled at my kids. There were times wherein I can't control my emotion, and I felt guilty right after I did something wrong. While it's hard to deal with stress at home we parents can learn some ways to overcome our shortcomings with our parenting techniques.
Be a Hands-on parent. I know some of you aren't stay-at-home parents, however, just like what this old saying says, “If there's a will, there's away.” You can always do something to be a hands-on parent with your child. Get involved with your child’s life and educate or teach your child some of life’s most valuable lessons. Your child is your treasure in life you must nurture.
Listen to your child. If he has done something wrong, instead of shouting at or scolding him, try to calmly explain. If you want your child to do something, then clarify with him the reasons behind your request. If you see something wrong, try to listen to him and let him express himself, what he will tell you might be important to him. Because listening is one of the most significant aspects of parenting.
Give your child choices and options. Try to ask your child if they have something on their minds, especially when deciding about something they're into. Even small decision makings will boost their confidence and let them express their hidden ideas or thoughts.
Set rules and be a good example. Setting rules is a very important part of parenting. As children need to be nurtured as they grow. Make rules, reasonable rules, and stick with them. Don't just make some rules just for a day. Whatever rules you do put in place, do make sure to talk over the same with your child. Set rules that are helpful for their growth and to make them follow you, be a good example. Children are known to pick up manners and actions from the people around them. And as a parent, you should be the role model of your child. Practice healthy habits and your child will more likely to pick them up as they grow.
Don't be rough and suffocate your child. Though you may only wish for them to have a better future, it's important to give them a sense of freedom too. Give them freedom in choosing their careers as they grow, instead of over-controlling them, show them support and care.
Don't raise a hand against your child. Physical violence can have severe psychological impacts on the child, which can affect his development. Honestly, there will be times wherein you can't handle the situation, when your child was very unsettled and unruly, misbehaved and disobeying you, but before you raise a hand against your child, take a deep breath and let your anger pass by. Count and think before you let your hand touches his delicate skin. Also, keep in mind that children can imitate the same behavior when they become parents too.
“Be the parent today that you want your kids to remember tomorrow.”
- Unknown
Yes, a lot of people agreed that bad kids came from bad parents, but we can never judge them. No, we can't and should not judge them. Because we never know what they've been through or have been dealing with in life. Parenting, on the other hand, is not just about imparting wisdom to your child, but about letting them thrive and find their own path to life as they turn into mature individuals.
“Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed…”
- Heraclitus
Written by: @eommaZel ✍🏻🥀
