Last year, I consulted a Psychiatrist through chat. We had a great talking. She asked me once what are the things that are recently bothering me that time. I answered her honestly. It is not that she was not effective, I mean, she is a great person and she is one of our amazing Professors back in first year of college, but after we talked, I still felt a little low. It was relieving that I was able to release emotions that I was holding back but I still could not see clearly what is my purpose, why am I still alive. I thought of why am i still doing alive while other people who knew their purpose lost their lives. During that time, I really think that I was not deserving to be living, to have the privelege of a person who has the basic needs to live.
I was not appreciative of what I have. i was not really paying attention to what I should have been grateful of. It is actually kind of sad lookig at myself in someone's point of view because I was really empty. I only saw things black and white. My perspective was very shallow, even the way I think.
Few days later, I was reminded about that consultation. I read our conversation. As I read, I realize things that I did not put much thought of. I also did see the assignment that she asked me to do. She asked me to think of the things I am grateful for each day. I was inconsistent of thinking of the things that I am grateful for each day but it helped me to appreciate things in my life more. I learned how to be grateful even with the little things I thought did not matter at all. I learned how to be grateful about the people that I am surrounded with.
It is really nice to be grateful with something. Giving yourself a reason to hold on and wake up each morning. Even with the days you don't feel like getting out of our bed, even with days you don't feel like talking at all.
I am grateful that you gave life a shot today. I am grateful that you are choosing to continue even if some times, or most of the times, you feel like there is no reason at all to live.
I do not know your story. But I am really grateful that you are trying.
Three things I am grateful for today:
Water
Light
Bed
These seems to be shallow things for you but today, these are the things I am grateful for.
What's yours?
Please stay safe!!! You matter!
I may not be fully aware of what you are going through today but I really hope that you just keep going. There are some moments when merely existing is a great blessing to be grateful for. In the future, I am certain that you will have bunches of things in your gratitude list. Though I know we are not really close in person, you can still talk to me if you feel like you're comfortable enough to share it.