@elamey

@elamey 27 February 2022

Hi. I'm back. It has been a very long time since I visited my Read.cash account. It is so refreshing to be back. I am excited to read your articles. I hope you are all doing good,

@elamey 9 June 2021

thoughts raining brings to mind... I thought of this topic because of the rainy weather recently. I love it when it rains. It brings comfort. It clears my mind and gives me time to think. Every time the rain drops it is somehow music to my ears. It creates this very unique beat that either make me wanna dance or just appreciate the serenity that my mind has come to find. When it rains, it brings out my calmest state. It soothes me, inside and out. These are some of the thoughts raining brings to my mind: The pitter-patter of every raindrops makes me think about how I miss my childhood. How fun it was growing up having to experience what it is like to enjoy every drops of the rain as it lays on your skin. How you try to catch it with you palm and look at your reflection, a very tiny reflection. As the rain pours, I think of it as the clouds way of crying. The clouds way of expressing itself not being able to held its tears anymore, that is. As for me, it is okay. It reminds me that it is okay to cry when you can't hold your tears anymore. It is okay to cry to make yourself feel a little less miserable. It is okay. Its breeze makes me think of a cold embrace. The one that a person gives to someone. A person who is not okay herself yet tried to comfort a friend. A cold embrace that makes you hug them a little tighter. I love those kinds of hugs. Makes me feel everything, even the numbness. It is weirdly comforting, I love it. When it rains and I am missing someone, I miss them even more. A whole lot more. It just hits different when is rains. It makes me want to be with them so bad. Listen to the pouring rain together, with a cup of coffee or tea, or just water. The rains makes me think of a colorful ending. After the rain pours, there comes a rainbow. A rainbow symbolizes faith and hope. A rainbow makes me smile. It is something that makes me look forward to after feeling all gloomy because of the rain. These are some of the thoughts that raining brought to my mind everytime. How it affects me, my mood, and my day. What's yours? I hope that you did enjoy reading this very short story/article that I shared to you today. Share in the comment section below what thought raining brings to you mind. To someone who loves raining as much as I do, or even more than I do, I hope you are doing okay. I am hoping you have someone or something you can hug when it is raining. Someone or something you can hold on to when you feel all gloomy. Someone or someone you can hold on to when you feel excited about it. May you all find peace within you. Stay safe everyone. xoxo, your moonchild friend.

@elamey 19 April 2021

is my course my "dream course"? As a little kid, we have a lot of dream professions we wish to have when we grow up. Some even pursued their childhood dream profession when they grew up. It is amazing having to know what you want at a very young age and having the courage to make it come to life. When I was a child, I had lots of dream professions that I wanted to pursue. When i was in grade school, I wanted to be a Nurse because I want to help people. Later on, I said to myself that I wanted to be a Teacher to help people as well. In high school, I wanted to be Psychiatrist and the reason why is to help people, once again. Helping people was general dream back then, until now actually. Anyway, from all those professions I have mentioned, I was not able to pursue any of them. I had a chance, but I guess fat ereally has its ways to lead you where you should be. So, before I graduated from junior high school year, i had to figure out what path am I going to take when in senior year. I had to decide what profession am I willing to pursue because we had to choose strands. At first, I was really hesitant to take Accounting and Business Management. I had no idea what was that course or strand was about but business, computation and handling money. But I took it anyway because my best friend took it and some of our other friends, too. What I had in mind that time about my dream course was to be Psychologist. Anyway, I took the ABM strand and did go with the flow. I survived senior high school year with the strand that I did not have my full interest with, with the help of my friends who I later found out that does not have their full interest with the strand we took as well. We all had fun helping each other out, having each other's back all throughout the day, all throughout those two years. We survived. Though we survive those years, I was still hesitant and unsure of the course I plan to take because to be honest, I have really no clear vision for my future. I was not really paying serious attention back then about the profession I am willing to pursue and the community I am willing to be a part of. It was hard because there are people around me that was constantly telling me that time that I should pursue a profession that pays good money, a profession that will make me rich. What happened was, I was busy figuring out what job pays good money I lost focus on the things I should improve to myself. I have set aside my real passion that could've been the profession I will have in the future. As the time goes by, I have these regrets I kept in my mind. Things I could have done better, things I could have done differently. But, I kept going. I am continuously trying to find my purpose, looking for some things that make sense. I realized that some times, things really does not work upon what we expect and it is okay. There are things that gets better, and there things that are not getting any better. You just got to keep going. So, is my course my dream course? ofcourse...not. But, surely, it will help me fullfil my main dream, which is to help people. To help them achieve their dreams as well. Things we really want does not come as the way we exactly want it. Sometimes, we had to shake things up to see what is the real thing we wanted. I hope you enjoyed reading. It's been awhile. I have been busy lately and I am glad that I was able to finish this draft which I started writing last month. Things really take some time and we just have to wait for it to come along. Keep on dreaming! :> xoxo, your moonchild friend.♡

@elamey 24 March 2021

unexplanable When you thought life couldn't get any worse, it will. It sucks when there's this unexplanable feeling you have been feeling for quite some time. There's this thing you can't point a finger where it exactly lies within you. Not quite sure if it was just a thought or if it was always been there all along. I was always this person, who had a lot of thoughts growing up. Thoughts not anyone could relate to nor understand. Been misunderstood a lot of times by my friends, by some of my family, and even the ones I could understand me. I had this feeling that I could not explain, not a single word I could find that somehow resembles it. I had a lot of issues about anger, abandonment, trust, name it. I kept in my mind that I don't have any right to feel this way because I have been provided with what I need in life. I avoided these feelings and kept it all to myself. There were days that I found myself shed a tear, having a little break down in the middle of people I don't even know. Lost my interest on the things I was very fond of doing. I want to be okay, I really do. I am tying. Every single day. I am trying even when it is tiring. I am trying to get up every morning even when I was being pulled by myself on the bed and just lie there and wait until the day end. I am trying to look in the mirror and smile nd remind me of the things I should be grateful for. I am trying to tell myself that I going to be okay. I am trying, so hard, to believe that I can take this is a long, hard way. I am trying to remind myself that I will be healed and these wounds I have physically and emotionally will be my reminder that I am alive and I need to be alive because I know that there are people that loves me even when I couldn't find any love for myself. I am trying to keep going. Every single, I had to get up and be alive. ; keep going because you matter; Thank you for reading. It's been days since the last time I published something. I was, and still am going through something, but I will be okay. These are just days, sometimes good and sometimes bad. Please be reminded that you matter in this world. Keep going. You are loved. xoxo, your moonchild friend. :>

@elamey 14 March 2021

Kinds of Love I have learned. As the dictionary defines it, Love is an intense feeling of deep affection. It comes with the act of caring and giving what is best. `But how do you define love? Apart from any other definitions, how do you define love? How would you know if love is real or wether the feeling you are feeling would fade away eventually? How could you find love when you can't define it yourself?` When I was a very young child, I only know the kind of love from my parents. When they try to limit your actions by protecting you from harm, they will say it was the act of love. When they try to correct you by hitting you on your hand or maybe on your little tushies, they will say it is an act of love because they would want us to be reminded of what we did that is wrong. That was the first kind of love I have known, the love that I was familiar with when I was a child. When I become a little aware about the existence of my older sisters, I have learned the love that comes from them. They care and give me what I need and sometimes they also give me things that I want. They also had to accept the fact that I would always be the one who will try taking their candies, toys, whatever they have in just one loud cry. And I am sorry that they had to. HAHAHA But I am grateful to have known that kind of love. They have shown me that kind of love that I was able to show when our youngest sister was brought to this world. When I begun to attend elementary school, I associated with other people of my age. People with the same interests as mine. People that I shared birthday parties with. People that become my friends. My experiences with these people showed me the love that comes from friends, friendship as we call it. That kind of love taught me a lot. One of the many things that it taugt me was people do come and go, and only few would stay. My understanding about love was becoming a little broader and deeper as I grow up. I begun attending high school. I was a transferee from the school I went to and I only had three-five familiar faces I come across to. It was a little scary at first because I have never been that confused. The first year I was there, I become friends with people that does not share same interests as mine. And I thought it would not work but it did. People there had defined love a little different from each other. Some can't because they don't actually understand love just yet. Some won't because they just don't believe about it. It made me understand that even if we were different from each other, we could still share the kind of love we share with our friends. As the years passed by, I have been friends with a lot of people. And to be honest with you, a lot of them did come and go, few stayed. And I am very much grateful for them. The next kind of love I have learned was the kind of love I have for the things I am not good at. This kind of love thought me acceptance. Acceptance that there will always be other people that is better than me. People that know how to do the things that I don't know how. And it also taught me to have the humility to listen and learn from other people that knows what they are doing by giving my self a room to improve and grow. I had come across a lot of definitions about what love was. And this was the kind of love that I wished I had learned earlier. The love for my self. It was the kind of love I wished I had before. Because even if I had known these kind of love that I have defined, I had my worst, weakest moments in my life in-between learning these things about love. I doubted myself, questioned my worth, I even come to a point where I don't see a point why do I have to continue living. But I am really grateful that I have found my way to love myself along with the help of the kind of love I have learned in the past. The caring, giving, and accepting. I need to care about myself because I will not be able to function well and do the things I need to do if I will just let myself crawl onto my bed and rot there. Self-care does not need to be expensive. Self-care can be simple as getting out of your bed and do simple hygiene care, enough to feel your blood flowing and to remind yourself that you are alive. By giving, I need to give my self time. Time to heal, grow, and rest when I need to. To do the things I need to do with the right mindset and enough strength for better outcome. Last is acceptance. The three things I have mentioned was hard but for me, this one is the hardest. Acceptance is the hardets thing you ought to do when you love, especially when you are trying to love yourself. Accepting can also be hurtful at times having to accept even the things that you don't want about yourself. Body part, attitude, the way you react, the way you smile or even the way you walk. Acceptance is not easy. Neither caring nor giving. These things were only based from my own experiences in life. With the help of these experiences in life, this have become my definition of love: `"Love can be tough, it can be kind. It comes around whenever and wherever. Love can come from people, love can come from things. It also comes when you're least expecting it. But sometimes, love can be misunderstood. Love can't be seen. Love can go missing when you needed it most. But does not mean love was gone. Love can come from you and can start within you."` There are still tons of things I got to learn. Things I got to see and experience. I'm no expert. I am just a hooman who have room for improvement and who's willing to listen and learn from others. It was fun writing about love. And maybe someday soon, I'll write about love again when I found something new about it. - **author's note:** This was just from my own experiences. If I offended someone, it is not my intention to do so. Please feel free to express your thoughts on the comment section. Thank you for being patient on reading my post. XOXO, from your moonchild friend.

@elamey 9 March 2021

A little memory from the past. Few years back, we went to Minalungao National Park somewhere in Nueva Ecija. It was actually unplanned. I was in my Father's hometown that time because it was summer break. I was staying at my Aunt's place along with my cousins when they decided to have a little roadtrip and go somewhere we can bond since it is summer. It was a two-hour ride from our place. A little bit exhausting but the views along the way were very entertaining. The Minalungao National Park is centered along the Peñaranda River and bordered on both sides of the limestone walls in the foothills of the Sierra Madre mountain range. Everything about Minalungao National Park is breath-taking and very soothing. This is the breath-taking scenery of the green pristine river along with unique rock formations. It is really a great privelege to witness such an amazing natural creation. People were having much fun as they stroll through the river and caves. There are also people that are enjoying the waters as they float with the orange vest you can rent. Remembering the smiles of these people reminds me how I miss the normal living. How I miss the smiles behind every mask these people have. Those were priceless memories. As we enjoy the view while crossing the hanging bridge, we tried to jump a little to loosen ourselves. To feel the blood rushing through our veins. It was funny because we were yelled at by our Auties, especially me becaue I am the one who started it. They were a bit scared and nervous to cross the bridge, though they tried halfway and they went back and chose to just enjoy the view back to the cottage, I am proud still. My cousins and I crossed the bridge and see what's over there. We asked some of the staffs in-charge and told us other activities we can try. They said that we could try ziplining and or the thousand steps stairway to reach The Cross on the top of the hill. Can you see me? All ears happy. At first I was hesitant to go and take a thousand steps to reach the cross because it was a very sunny day. It is very hot. Plus, I thought of the back-and-forth scenario, it was overwhelming. But I took a deep breathe and just took the steps. I was with few of my cousins along with our nieces and it was fun because we were sharing some thoughts on the way to the top. Half-way reaching the top of the hill, we realized that we forgot to bring ourselves some water to drink. One of my cousins have his own but it was already half-empty. We laughed because we realized that we were not really prepared but still, we continued our smal journey. There were some people we come across the stairway and smiled to them. We asked if there was some water vendor at the top, and they kindly said yes there was. Look at us, smiles of victory. Can you believe it these kids had the guts to take the thousand of steps? I am so proud though I had to carry one of the kids that got tired. It was okay because she was not heavy, thank goodness. You can also noticed that we are also sunburned because we did not thought of putting sun screen first. We weren't prepared at all, except for my two cousins who had their sunglasses on, real smooth. We took photos for memories. It was really memorable because we don't get to do this kind of thing often because we live in different cities. And was just one of the fortunate summer where we could spend some time together. I wish I had my sisters with me. I was only the one who really took vacation in my Father's hometown very often since i was a kid because I was the youngest then, plus when the time I had a younger sister, our age gap was 7 years apart. After we went to The Cross, we went back down and decided to take the zipline, but only with my cousins because they did not allowed the children under age 12 to go. IT WAS REALLY FUN, I CANNOT LIE. At first we had trouble talking our cousin into it. She was a bit scared to try it. We told her she was gonna be okay. We asked the staff in-charge if it was really safe, he assure us that it was. We ziplined, baby! HAHAHA My cousin who I gone with took a video of us using her phone but I atually did not get to see it until now. But, whatever, I am still happy to get to experience such thing. It was a very fun time. We did not get to do this much as we grow old and apart from each other. We only see each other once or twice a year since our Tatang(Grandpa) and Ina(Grandmom) died. We really are hoping that after this pandemic, we will continue to spend time a bit more. Share memories together and appreciate life even more. This is one of the memories I will always try to remind myself of. It's amazing that there were feelings left. The feeling of excitement and fun. It was nice to to be reminded that life is short but it is precious. Keep those memories alive, my dear friends. Please be safe! You matter! xoxo, your moonchild friend.

+1 more

@elamey 8 March 2021

What is up with the moon? Growing up, I always felt like I am alone. I had no one in the whole family that was in the same age as me. I felt like no one gets me, no one wants me. That has been my constant feeling ever since. It was hard. I always had problems when it comes to communicating with other people. It was hard for me to express my emotions because I got misunderstood most of the times. I spend much time alone or if I am in the mood to hang out with my youngers cousins and nieces and nephews, I would. And if my older sisters and older cousins are kind to include me on wherever they would go or do, I would too. It was nice, to be honest. I could get to hang out with the young ones and learn things from my Ate's and Kuya's. It was fun, yes, but there is still something inside me that tells me I do not belong to any of those groups. I still feel no one gets me. Whenever I am with my youngers cousins, I feel like i'm too old to hang out with them. And whenever i'm with my older sisters and older cousins, I feel that I'm too young. I can't really seem to find my place. No one got me, until one night, I saw the moon. `"What is up with moon? Why does she stares at me? What does she thinks about me? Why does it seems like she understand me? "` These were the questions in my head that night as I stare back. I was trying to look closely, but obviously, I cannot. I tried to focus instead. As I focus my sight on to the moon, it started to feel like I was getting closer to it. That I could touch it's magically glowing, enchanting light that illuminates our planet at night. For the first time, I did not felt like I was alone. It did not felt like being alone was lonely and dark. I realized that I felt more alone when I was surrounded by people. It was a nice feeling, great actually. Maybe the moon got me. Maybe the moon got me the way no one did before. I felt like the moon was there much more than the ones I thought would. The moon stayed. The moon kept glowing even when there are nights she is not whole. She does not show some of the times, but it is okay, cause I do too. She made me understand that being alone was not lonely at all. `Really, What is up with the moon? How did she changed the way I think about being alone? It was amazing, She is amazing. She really got me.` I learned how to try and show up and glow even when there I times that it was hard for me to, because I do not feel like I am whole-- I do not feel like I was enough. I learned how to rest. She made me understand that it is okay to take a break and give myself time to breathe--give myself some time to think. Here are some of my favorite quotes about the Moon: "I like to thing that the Moon is there, even if I am not looking at it."- Albert Einstein "Don't worry if you're making waves just by being yourself. The Moon does it all the times."- Oscar Wilde "There are nights when the wolves are silent, and only the Moon howls." - George Carlin "The Moon will guide you through the night with her brightness, but she will always dwell in the darkness in order to be seen" - Paul Brandt -- The moon made me understand myself more. She made me believe in myself. If you come across this article, share what you feel about the Moon. I would love to know about it. It was really nice to write this down and express myself. The Moon got me and it was one of the very best feelings in the world. Thank you so much for reading, it means so much to me especially when it comes on sharing my personal experiences with other people. I was just new here on read.cash. I created this account two months ago but I just got active yesterday because of my friends that has been so inpiring and I am very lucky to hve known such amazing humans that were guiding me willingly. I am still learning, and I really hope that we could be friends. Please be safe! You Matter. xoxo, your moonchild friend.

@elamey 7 March 2021

Three Things I am Grateful For. Last year, I consulted a Psychiatrist through chat. We had a great talking. She asked me once what are the things that are recently bothering me that time. I answered her honestly. It is not that she was not effective, I mean, she is a great person and she is one of our amazing Professors back in first year of college, but after we talked, I still felt a little low. It was relieving that I was able to release emotions that I was holding back but I still could not see clearly what is my purpose, why am I still alive. I thought of why am i still doing alive while other people who knew their purpose lost their lives. During that time, I really think that I was not deserving to be living, to have the privelege of a person who has the basic needs to live. I was not appreciative of what I have. i was not really paying attention to what I should have been grateful of. It is actually kind of sad lookig at myself in someone's point of view because I was really empty. I only saw things black and white. My perspective was very shallow, even the way I think. Few days later, I was reminded about that consultation. I read our conversation. As I read, I realize things that I did not put much thought of. I also did see the assignment that she asked me to do. She asked me to think of the things I am grateful for each day. I was inconsistent of thinking of the things that I am grateful for each day but it helped me to appreciate things in my life more. I learned how to be grateful even with the little things I thought did not matter at all. I learned how to be grateful about the people that I am surrounded with. It is really nice to be grateful with something. Giving yourself a reason to hold on and wake up each morning. Even with the days you don't feel like getting out of our bed, even with days you don't feel like talking at all. I am grateful that you gave life a shot today. I am grateful that you are choosing to continue even if some times, or most of the times, you feel like there is no reason at all to live. I do not know your story. But I am really grateful that you are trying. Three things I am grateful for today: Water Light Bed These seems to be shallow things for you but today, these are the things I am grateful for. What's yours? Please stay safe!!! You matter!

@elamey 7 March 2021

I have been thinking a lot lately. I thought of things I should not bother thinking about so much. I am kind of stressing myself for nothing. Gladly, I have found my way back here at read.cash. I could really use some writing... and also, a bit of communicating with some of you if you come across of this post. I hope we can be friends :> Please stay safe!

@elamey 7 March 2021

"How are you?": Hardest Three-Word Question. "How are you?", this is a one question that is so much harder to answer than any other questions. How am I suppose to answer that three-word question? Am I suppose to answer in full sentence or just a short two to three word phrase? When the pandemic started, people adapted the habit of asking their love ones, people they are close to, people they care about how they are doing. I personally have these people that are checking how have I been. At first, I really do not know what was the right answer there is. If I say that I was okay, that I was good, am I telling the truth? Am I just saying it to make people that I am close to think that I am really doing okay and they have nothing to worry about? With that three-word question, a lot of thoughts would crossed my mind. But heres the thing I come up with on aswering the question, "How are you?". Few months after the pandemic started, I know that a lot of people that I am close with are also going throug things that I somehow do not know. And though they ask me how am I, I recorgnize what they are going through and choose not to add up to what they are going through and I have praticed the way I answer without making them worry much. When someone ask me how am I, I would answer how my day went. In that way, I am not shoving my personal problems on their faces. I would normally answer with these phrases: "Today was good", "Today was not that good but I survived", "Today was just fine". Those phrases are what I often use, and I will only tell them more about how am I if they ask me too. I was insensitive in the past. And I have learned from my mistakes. I have learned to consider what other people was going through. I kept most of the things to myself but I allow myself to ask help when I need to, talk to someone when I need to. Fortunately, I have friends who chose to understand and kept me on the ground. Please, stay safe everyone. You matter!!!

@elamey 1 February 2021

Too tired to even complain. These days, I can feel the exhaustion invading my whole existence. I do sleep at night, but still too tired when i'm finally awake. Every single day feels draining. I can't find my rest, and I can't find my inner peace. I'm too tired to complain. Everything seems to be draining me. Last year, when the pandemic started, I knew that there are lots of things that will be difficult to do and even to understand. Things were changing so fast. I was raised in a comfortable life. My parents provided roof on the top of my head. I was never forced or highly encouraged to work and earn money on a young age. As long as I clean the house and obey and respect them, it's alright. When the pandemic started, our small Sari-sari store and Eatery business' profit went down. I recently found out that we are in huge debt because of what happened. All the money I got from my academic scholarship was used to allocate some of the debts, but still, it was not enough. Every single day, the debt is continuously increasing because of the interest. I couldn't breathe properly whenever I'm trying how are we going to survive. And I also think of how my parents are dealing with this every single day, especially my mom because she handle all of our finances. She told me one time that she couldn't even sleep well at night. She's constantly thinking how on earth she could fix our debts. I suck at writing but I hope I will do well the next time I write my story. I hope you are all doing alright. I wish to have friends here on Read.Cash. Stay safe, everyone!

@elamey 28 December 2020

What Year 2020 taught me The year has been a tough year for the most of us. Here are 3 of the things that I have learned this year: MY FEELINGS MATTER. SHOULD NOT INVALIDATE THEM. - During hard times, I came to a point where I tried to invalidate my own feelings, my emotions, due to others condition. I invalidated my own feelings because I find it selfish if I will think of myself more while there are lots of people that are currently suffering, not having enough money to support their families, not being able to provide food on the table on the table of their homes. Those became the primary reason why I invalidated my own feelings. It was imprinted in my mind that there are people that are experiencing worse than my situation. I have set my feelings aside. Later on, I have realized that it piled up. I could not handle it anymore. If there were situations that I could not handle properly, I will easily become furious. I was always stubborn. I started to become toxic. LETTING GO IS NOT EAST BUT IT IS GOOD FOR ME - The year 2020 gave me a lot of time to think. I thought of many things. These things included friendships I had over the years with people but unfortunately did not work out. I cannot deny that I was still hung up with some of those relationships and was constantly questioning myself if it was my fault whether if I was being to much or if I had a lot of short-comings. After some time, I come to think that wether it was my fault, or not, all I can do not is to let go, in order for me to move forward, I needed to let go. When I already started to let go by taking it slow and steady, I started to feel that the weight I have been carrying has become lighter than it was before. Letting go was never easy, but the pain along was really worth it. HELP AND LEARN TO ACCEPT HELP - I know, I know, the joy of helping other people is satisfying but some of us refuses help when it is being shoved on our faces. It is annoying. ANNOYING. But, we need help. We do. Especially when the COVID took over the world. We were stuck inside our house. Most of us felt that even we are in our own houses, it never felt like home. I, personally, experienced separation anxiety from my friends whom I spent most of my days with before the quarantine started. I started to feel like I have no one. The noise inside my head are getting louder because other personal problems arise. Our family started to have huge amount of debts due to the pandemic. I became paranoid and started to stop actively talking to my friends on instant messaging apps. I started to distance myself. I was drowning on my own thoughts. But I woke up one day, still not feeling okay but had a thought of talking to our university Psychiatrist. It took weeks before I actually spoke to the Psychiatrist. I was worried that I may not be able to express myself well or whatever, but gladly, the Doctor said that we can talk the way I find it comfortable and at ease. After an hour of conversation, I started to feel that it is actually okay to talk to someone. It reminded me that I should not closed my doors to my friends that are reaching out to me. THESE THINGS THAT I HAVE SHARED ARE ONLY SOME OF THE THINGS I HAVE LEARNED THIS YEAR. IT HAS BEEN A TOUGH YEAR AND WE NEED TO BE TOUGHER. I KNOW, THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT ARE EXPERIENCING WORSE THAN WHAT I AM EXPERIENCING THAT IS WHY I'N DETERMINED TO WORK HARD AND HELP AS MUCH AS I CAN. STAY SAFE, EVERYONE 💗

@elamey 28 December 2020

Hi, it's @elamey. I'm new here at read.cash. Finally, I have a perfect platform where I can share my passion to. Please, if you don't mind, comment your thoughts and experiences about using read.cash. Let's be friends.