Worrying is good but not too much

It is Sunday today. Yet I am plagued with worries and anxieties. Instead of relaxing on a Sunday, I am instead anxious for the upcoming Monday.

This isn't good. Worry is never a vitamin. I should self-tall again to be able to shake these off.

I was wondering if it will be worth it to go to the park today. But for some reason, I feel so sleepy. I must have slept beyond 10 last night.

I was watching an anime and didn't look at the time when I decided to sleep. And I awoke at around 6 am today.

I woke up at 4:30 but then I slept again. I think I needed to consult a physician for my problematic urination. I tend to urinate more often than anybody in the house.

I tried not taking coffee but was still urinating lot.

But you know, I have gone past worrying over my health condition after a long and hard self talk yet again.

Though I really needed to have a check up. It is best to treat conditions earlier.

I have heard peers and friends alike, also family members, that they don't like having check up just because it will just stress them out if they find out in case they have medical conditions.

It is just so funny that we think that way but in some way, we do have a point. It is to not worry about anything.

At one point we all have our time and all we have to do is live while we are alive.

And going back to what I am worried about, it is because I am barely prepared for tomorrow that I am just so worried.

I believe I will just have to prepare to be able to relax for the rest of the day.

Unfortunately, I do not go to mass anymore. And it's not something I am proud saying but I just stopped believing in the lies of preachers.

I do believe in Him. Tremendously! But not in a lot of people.

I am questioning myself when I will ever stop this drama but I can't seem to be convinced to go back to mass.

That some congregation preaching about not engaging in worldly desires, I saw one of their pastors having colored hair and the others, having their debuts and such.

It makes me so confused. They are preaching one thing, and doing another.

They must have worried big time when I quit going to their congregation. But I can't put words on my lips to voice out my confusion.

I believe they would refute and tell me something that would convince be back but I simply dropped out of their church.

They should know better why but are they really reflecting on their actions?

My leaders came to my house but I was just smiling and they couldn't do anything more.

Even the way I pray now makes me so confused. But I tell myself not to worry about anything.

He sure knows my heart and that I just have to trust in Him even if I don't trust my fellow humans.

After all, He is the one whom we should talk to.

It is the various interpretation of people of His existence that is making people confused.

We should then be wary especially those who pretend to be holy, yet they are the opposite. If not, they are what we call hypocrites.

I should at least support the church where I grew up with before going to different congregations.

My beloved mother was a catechist there before and I could say she had done her best with it.

She was so worried when I changed group and she pleaded if I could come back.

She said that she is so worried about me because I might get brainwashed.

I realized that in some way she was very right. I told her I quit that group and that I have decided to go back.

But then I did not really go back. I just wanted her not to worry about me anymore.

And now I wish to pray to Him earnestly. I am worried, my heart is restless, I am weary and not at ease especially thinking about the week ahead.

So I lay my worries to Him. Anyhow, He has allowed me to use writing as a way to lift things up and to talk about the things that stresses me out.

And even if I may appear preachy, it is because I am preaching to myself. I use all the realisations I have had, the wisdom I acquired.

A part of me assumes level-headedness as I conquer the other part that is consumed by worries and problems.

Because as far as I know, worrying is never a solution to a problem. It is good to have the heart to worry, but too much of it could add to the problem.