Remembering some unrequited infatuation

That time, I wasn't asking for too much. Not infatuation back. Maybe just like or just a little love.

Sadly none of those little longings were granted.

Years passed and still nothing changed.

I went on with my life, not expecting anything anymore. Until I have forgotten all about it.

But why, dreams? Why do you put me back to that time?

Are our subconscious more powerful than our living will?

I bet this is inside me, nothing more like that someone's thinking about me. I just know he won't ever look at me with something other than friendly gestures.

I sit like I was in a trance. And thought hard. I thought long and hard.

And I felt some glorious feeling. And why even in agony we feel some glory?

Am I being challenged? By my self? Am I still thinking of having him like me back?

Oh please. Move on. I'm talking to you, my subconscious. Why can't you just forget totally?

I'm okay, you know! No need to remember. There is nothing to reminisce. Let us just go on with our life.

But on the other hand, I like it that my subconscious is making me remember things of the past.

I'd like to acknowledge that not all feelings are mutual. And if the feelings aren't mutual, we have to give respect to each other.

We do not want to enter relationships where one is simply forced to love the other. It isn't healthy.

Years may pass but there isn't a guarantee that we will be loved back.

So let us keep searching for the one who will equally cherish and love us. Like we do to them.

It still hurts though. Even if I say I'm okay. But there remains the hurt I've felt for long. And it's not his fault. Because again, I can't force him.

At the same time, I've learned a lot during that time. We should just be contented by what we have in a relationship. Friends if friends, lovers if lovers. And again we shouldn't expect for feelings to be always mutual.

My love for you may be unrequited. But I'll do good with the memories we had but as friends.

And you were way younger than me that time. Until now, the years won't be moved closer because that is time in years. You'll remain younger than me.

And we may never be on the same page.

I remember those nights it was always you I was thinking of. Like every minute, every moment my thoughts were spent on you.

But during those times I was turned beautiful than ordinary days. I ate lesser than usual and I looked better.

Unrequited as it may but benefits abounded. And that was more than enough for me. Or not.