My life is torn between black and white
I woke up in the middle of the night. Thought I'd write this one. No, sleep in the night. I thought. But it is more romantic at night. Think about your health, your eyes will itch tomorrow.
I reluctantly slept instead after a battle inside. They each had an point but the health advocate was stronger, more demanding.
I guess the health advocate also had a lot more to say had the soul not slept and insisted on writing the night away.
In the early years when we were healthier and more resistant to diseases, we would own the whole of the day including the night. And we would just use the next day to cover up the lacking sleep of the previous.
But now that we have more considerations, we had to always choose the best option.
Though I am still torn...
No matter how I still want the silence and effect that the night gives. Especially during non holidays when people go about their usual activities.
But then, if I wanted to live longer and look younger or exactly my age, I had to take the night for what it is for.
The winner is still the good one.
I should be glad.
I have lived a life of a believer. Insofar as I consider myself. Yet I was an unbeliever for whatever reason I have allowed myself to be an unbeliever.
Now it is hard to go on believing what I once believed on. I have questions. Yet those who tried to answer my questions were nothing but a duplicate of my soul. They too were confused.
So I put my beliefs aside and just lived inside my house. Going out only when needed.
I put my beliefs behind. Just going on and on without clear answers on my mind.
Ironically, I was using my previous knowledge on the things I was thought to try to answer my questions.
Am I selfish? Am I ungrateful? Have I crossed the line to the dark side?
I'm so torn. Yet I can't clearly express myself in plain and simple language just because I am embarrassed.
And I can't speak in poetry just because I can't. So only this vague language of mine I could use to express at the very least.
