I could have done a little more but I refused

We finally had the chance of staying in one room. I accompanied your sister to your house. A chance was that your sister asked for your help. You came to the room and helped us.

I could have brushed my arms to yours. I could have stared at your back for longer. I could have done a little more. But I refused.

Your sister went out a little bit to wash dishes scheduled for her to do. But instead of staying in the room with you, I followed your sister.

Cut the story short, your sister was done with her chores while you finished with that thing we needed help with.

I thanked you and we went away. We continued with what we were doing. She went home and I'm here writing.

I'm good with what was given. Too shallow to try to do more or show more. What was given was enough. No need for overly romanticized moves.

I feel contented I could forget you. But no, I won't. I saw you and I feel your regard for me. Enough for me to feel satisfied.

There will be more chances. But I am afraid I will show more than necessary.

I shouldn't give in to life's temptations. It tempts me to dive deeper on you but I refuse to do so.

With that tiny room we both stayed at, at the same time, I could have touched you and whispered. But I didn't. I won't be greedy. I might lose everything in that time.

Meanwhile, I came home. Savoring your sweet presence this evening. I was glad very deep inside. I didn't show it but I bet you felt it.

But are we a thing? Hmmm... That question is out of context. We will never be.

So just those moments we silently give our regards to each other, as it is how I finally see it, will be more than enough to make me live in bliss.

You're my fantasy. I will live in bliss for as long as we have those discreet moments.

Judge the writer but this is how it is for me. Secret love affair. No real happening but living in bliss.

The world we live in is much submerged in misery. We all have to be creative for our own happiness.

I might not live to see the curtains down, between us, hiding what's there in each other's heart. But then, I am not sure whether I would like to see that or not.

Seriously, I'm not so sure anymore. After all, I should just wrapped my arms around you this evening and see how you would have reacted. But that would be too much of a risk. For someone like me. I'm just a female after all.

And now I finally wish that I could have done more. Yet I am so timid to have done that in reality. Not now, not a while ago, not ever.

Why can't this world allow me some honesty? If I do that will it help at the very least anyone?

Why is this happening to me?

My love affair's in serious complication. No, it's not. It's just hard. So hard I want to cry.

I wish you'd say, hush, baby, we got this. But I bet we won't ever have that line in between us.

For now let me just smile with the little things, with the developments so far.

Then again, I can't be greedy. I will be contented with what I was given.

And I maintain, I could have done more, but I refused doing silly things.