Thoughts on Bill Payment during Dates

This has been one of the talks of the town these past few months. A lot of opinions have been said already, some make total sense, some make you want to say to people that it’s already 2021 and at some point in our lives, we need character development. (Hint: now is a great time!)

A lot of things take a role in this topic and as much as it is just paying for food or the whole date, this is a layered issue that needs to be dissected to fully understand things.

Gender Norms

I think it's one thing when a guy or a girl pays for the bill but associating it with gender is just so fucked up. We constantly thrive for a world where we can have equal opportunities but when it comes to finances and paying up for things, we revert back to the old “it’s the guy’s responsibility to provide”. I just think that it’s your responsibility to provide for your own – regardless of gender.

No, I’m not siding with anyone. I’m not trying to protect the guys, it’s really just bugging me off when people use this as an argument whenever this topic comes off. It’s just that I think if we want equality, we should start on the simple things such as paying for the food we eat.

I read somewhere that you don’t necessarily need to pay half, you can pay for the food you just ate or pay in percentages. There are a lot of ways to split the bill and one person, or we can say "gender" should not shoulder the whole cost.

Culture

Culture plays a big role in this. In my country, the Philippines, we have this thing called "ligaw" or courting, wherein a guy will pursue the girl. Since the guy is the one pursuing it is a bit expected for him to shoulder the expenses as a way of showing love.

In other parts of the world, they don’t believe in courting and go directly into the dating stage wherein they test the compatibility of the relationship so both are expected to pursue each other if you both like each other enough. We can say that in this kind of relationship, guys have lesser expectations to pay for dates, but I must say that we just can’t eradicate those expectations quickly.

A lot of things are customary here but not customary to other countries so I think the culture wherein both people grew in is also a factor to consider in this matter.

Personal Choices

As much as gender norms and culture affect us and a whole lot of other things, it boils down to personal choices. There are those people that just basically express their love by treating the person they love. Spoiling could be a love language for all we know.

I have read somewhere in a journal that says, I hope you wouldn’t tell me how to love you and just let me show how I can love you. This is just a basic example of it, if a man or a woman wants to pay for the date, let them be. No matter what other people would say, just pay for it whoever wants to pay. If both want to pay, then split it.

I just think that in relationships, this isn’t much of a topic that couples really dwell on. I think people are nickel-diming, wherein people just compute every single thing. I don’t about other people but I think if I and my boyfriend would ever fight over this, it would be a petty thing. I think someone would just pay for it and the next time, the other one would pay. 

Lead image: Photo by Wiktor Karkocha on Unsplash