6 months after, now what?

I don’t know if I need this but…

Warning: This article talks about my mental state, if you’re not up for it or might trigger you in any way, I suggest you skip this for now.

A few weeks back, I wrote all my sentiments about being quarantined and being an extrovert at the same time. It was a tough time for me that I had spiraled into anxiety and had to undergo several visits to my therapy.

Luckily, there was no medical intervention needed and what I’m feeling is what some people might say “growing up” or “adulting”. 

I had lost all of my coping mechanisms when the community quarantine was implemented and I tried my best not to spiral into anxiety which made it totally worse than it already is, because I was basically anxious with being anxious and I don’t know why I’m anxious in the first place.

Upon scrolling through Twitter, I came across this line in October or September, which was the peak of all of this and the quote says,

In 6 months time, everything will be different.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get who wrote, published or posted it, so I can’t give due credits to him or her. 

But everyday when I wake up and I’m just not up for anything, I just say to myself, that maybe after 6 months it won't be so bad anymore. I also wrote this a couple of times in my journal and added that if today isn’t the best day and maybe the next few days or weeks will be the same, I’ll just hold on to the thought that 6 months, things might get different. 

6 months had passed or maybe 7-8 months since I first encountered this line. While reading my journal again today, I made another encounter with this line and it made me look back.

The best thing about being human is the ability to evolve and adapt to changes, that’s why maybe this quote was written and thought of. It’s nice to think that we are not the same person as we are 6 months ago, that we either better or worsen ourselves, we just have to choose which path we would like. 

During this time I also came across William James, the father of American Psychology. I will not dwell on who he is because I just read his anecdote and don’t have much idea what he has accomplished but in one of his journals he wrote that he will spend a year in his life believing that he was 100% responsible for everything that occurred in his life, no matter the circumstances. 

This might be toxic to some but if you look in deeper you can see that blaming something or someone won’t really get you anywhere. I think the term "responsible" here is merely implying that we are responsible for our responses. 

A lot of things can happen and the world can throw you everything just to make your world flip upside down, we cannot surely control this but what we can control is how we view things and the response that we can give to it. 

I did nothing in particular in this 6 months, I just hold on to this line. And amazingly, I’m still here today, still holding on to this line. 

Times have passed, I don’t know if I did get better to be honest, but I can do most things now and my smile is definitely brighter than before. I’m still evolving and growing everyday. Sometimes, just like the market right now (I really need to put it here), we go into dips too and these are the days where I can say that in 6 months, maybe things will be different or maybe the same but I will remind myself that I have the power to choose how I respond. 

If things aren’t getting better, maybe I just have to take a different approach to it. 

Smile for me today, okay?

See you around!

PS: I decided to not include the photos of my journal because it might be sensitive to some and I'm trying my best to give hope to people who are in the same situation as me.

Lead image: Photo by JOHN TOWNER on Unsplash