Thought Turbulence

Not a few people think what purpose he was created, including me. These seemingly unanswered questions often plagued my mind. I'm trying to find an answer to this question even though it seems useless. I was awakened by a message from a very sweet scripture which reads more or less; "The best people are those who are better than before" and "The most useful people are people who are useful to others and their environment". Then, I thought how can I become a better human than before? How can I be of use to others?

When I was a child, maybe I had a penchant for reading even when I couldn't read, yes, what I read is the reading that children usually read, namely comics. From elementary school, I may not have been a smart student, although many teachers praised my intelligence, because of my laziness, I was often punished because I rarely did assignments.

Stepping into middle school, my love of reading disappeared. I became one of the students who got the title of "the most naughty student". I kept getting into trouble at the time, but apart from that, I got an interest in mysterious things like satanic, freemasons, Illuminati, etc., which is quite rare although not too few people my age are interested in it. At that time I began to deepen my knowledge of these things because satanic, freemasonry, Illuminati, etc. are considered as world controllers. Yes, even if it's just endless conspiracy theories, but I've always been interested in knowledge about the world. This is what attracted me to explore it.

Entering high school, my delinquency peaked. Never mind reading, not a few of my textbooks were still neatly wrapped in plastic until the end of high school. I even had time to stay in class because of my naughtiness and laziness at that time. However, my interest in the world has not been exhausted but has only grown. I started my interest in religion, especially Judaism, which is often associated with all the conspiracy theories concerning the freemasons and the Illuminati that attracted me when I was in middle school. The conspiracy theories I studied made me hate the Jews and anything related to them. When I hate Jews more and more, I am automatically attracted to associations that also hate Jews or are now classified as Fundamentalist Islam.

After graduating from high school and entering a very long vacation I spent a lot of time reading Islamic Fundamentalist studies and even attending some of its meetings. In my upheaval in the Fundamentalist Islamic world which is full of doctrines that the afterlife is everything and only this group of Muslims will enter heaven, I cannot deny that I was dragged into the wave of sweet doctrines that were instilled by them at that time until I finally realized by a question running in my head. A question that may be for some people who have blind faith is quite a brazen question. I don't know if I'm an infidel or an unbeliever, but the question is quite disturbing my belief. The question is "Is it true that God is just if He only gives his paradise exclusively to one group while He creates many different groups?".

Luckily I have some friends who have different religions with me, I asked them why they follow their religion? Their answers were almost all the same, namely because their parents embraced him. Ah, this doesn't satisfy me. Then I asked some members of the Islamic Fundamentalist group who believe their group will exclusively go to heaven, why do they embrace Islam? Their answer was the same as some of my Christian friends, namely because their parents embraced it.

Ah, I was struggling with my thoughts until I finally found a message in the hadith which reads more or less; "All deeds depend on his intentions and everyone will get according to what he intended". If their motive for embracing a religion is the same, namely following their parents, how can God only exclude one particular religion from entering His heaven? If the fundamentalist Islamic doctrines are true, where is the justice of the Most Just God? I don't know if it's wrong or not, but if it's true, I don't think God is fair.

Entering the world of lectures, I temporarily let go of my interest in religion because I think the religion that I understood at that time had an unfair concept of divinity. I am grateful because my curiosity never goes out and I am always thirsty to find out about the world and of course its creator. In the world of this lecture, I got acquainted with a knowledge that discusses all problems and the science that is the mother of all sciences, namely philosophy. Exploring the ocean of philosophy, from Greek philosophers before Christ to modern philosophers, I found many opinions from philosophers about the world and its creator.

These philosophers made me fascinated by science, especially the Greek philosophers who were present long before Islam came. They explain a lot about the creation of the world and even God, although it is only limited to speculation. When I was still plunged into the world of Islamic Fundamentalism, I thought that all this knowledge was born from religion, especially Islam, but the Greek philosophers who were born long before the Prophet Muhammad SAW and even Prophet Jesus turned out to have extraordinary thinking abilities to be able to explain the world and God.

After being quite familiar with philosophy, I returned to the religion that I had left for a while. After getting the methodology of thinking from philosophy, I found a beautiful way of understanding religion. Yes, the logical thinking methodology inherited from these philosophers is a very satisfying intellectual thirst. When I was still studying Fundamentalist Islam, I often heard that philosophy would drive us further away from God because philosophy was considered to be too godly of reason. It is not uncommon to hear that philosophy is the science of "crazy people", because, in philosophy, even things that are considered crazy and unimportant are seriously discussed.

The synthesis between religion and philosophy is very beautiful. The two do not deserve to be contradicted as they are spread out to the wider public. Quoting the words of the Andalusian philosopher, Ibn Rushd; “We know very well that logical thinking will not go against religion because the truth will not go against the truth. One truth will strengthen the other truth." Ibn Rushd is one of the philosophers who integrate religion and philosophy.

Apart from teaching a very good methodology of logical thinking, philosophy also teaches goodness. One of the greatest philosophers of all time, Aristotle said; "Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all." Aristotle's message is clear, there needs to be a balance between rational progress and moral progress. Aristotle's messages of kindness can be seen from his works that discuss ethics, how amazing the teachings of ethics which are full of goodness are recommended by Aristotle.

One of the messages in Islam that made me realize to study philosophy was "There is no religion for the unreasonable". In my opinion, Fundamentalist Islam does not make good use of its intellect and is only religious on the surface. Therefore, they are busy fixing the visible things. What a boring way of religion because they ignore things that are more essential and philosophical than religion.

Back to the religious message that made me realize "The best humans are those who are better than before" and "The most useful humans are humans who are useful to others and their environment". As far as my wandering and turbulent thoughts are concerned, I think the most effective thing to become a useful human being is a human who knows. To become a better human being than before, the easy way is to increase knowledge every day by reading, so today must be better than yesterday because today's knowledge is more than yesterday.

To become a useful human being for others and the environment, of course, it is necessary to realize the knowledge that has been learned. To be useful for others, it seems that everyone knows the recipe, but with extensive knowledge, of course, we will be able to help more people. One of the ways that I can do now is to write in the hope that it can awaken the reader's concern with others, the environment, and in particular with science. Because throughout history the people who were most instrumental in building civilization were knowledgeable.

The struggle of my thoughts to seek the truth is certainly far from over and indeed I hope that the struggle of my thoughts does not end until death picks up, because there is no absolute truth in this world. The turbulence of my thoughts certainly didn't mean much to other people, considering that my wanderings in the intellectual world were still young. Maybe my odyssey in the intellectual world was only five to nine years old and the books I devoured were still very few to be able to become an intellectual who was able to put his knowledge into practice.

It's a far cry from comparing myself who has just read dozens of books with other intellectuals who may have read hundreds to thousands of books. Yes, I hope to be like them, practice the knowledge that has been learned so that I can become a better person than before and become a useful person for other people and the environment with the knowledge that has been learned.