The PromptlyJonica #18 prompt is called, If I Were Free. The rules are simple, what would you be if you weren't you and how would you react, essentially. Some people have responded by writing about what they would be if they were instead an inanimate object or the opposite gender. I've decided to write about if I were free.
I'm currently incarcerated for the next five years for a crime I didn't commit. That only affects my being behind bars when it comes to my mind. Whether you're guilty or innocent, you're still trapped behind fences, bars, and strict rules and regulations. Where you have control is in your own mind.
I've been free before, I was as recently as the first week of October. But knowing I'm confined for the next five years causes my mind to wander into the future and wonder, what would I do if I were free? What will I do when I'm free?
One of the most important lessons I've learned so far is how important my relationship with my wife. Sure, I knew she was important before, but I'll admit, I didn't take her as seriously as I should. In my mind, we would always be together, I would always have her love and support, so I didn't consider how that meant I still needed to work on it. Work on myself work on us.
If I were free, I would ensure she never had to question our relationship or my commitment to it again. I would spend quality time with her, instead of feeling that she asks for too much. Because in reality, she doesn't, I was just selfish and wanted to be free to do as I chose. That's not freedom, that's control.
When I'm free, I want to experience life in a way I never have before. Travel, adventure, and fully committing myself to this life of joy and happiness. Not allowing others to influence my behavior. No longer being so concerned with what I can do on my own, but more about what my wife and I can do together.
But for now, I can only be free in my mind. I'm learning to use my imagination quite a bit. My wife and I have been concocting plans for adventure through our messages. Some of them may never happen and that's okay, it's fun to consider what may happen. Others I know we'll make happen no matter what. When I'm free. We'll travel to parts unknown (and known of course) together, searching for new things, new experiences.
Freedom can be subjective. I'm thankful I have the capability to be free in my mind even though my body is trapped. It's a healthy way to encourage thought, reflection, and keep my mental health a bit more elevated, rather than be depressed and anxious about my situation. For me, freedom from this situation is my ultimate goal, but until that can happen, I'll happily live in the depths of my mind and heart, planning all the things I plan to do when I'm physically free.
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I'm Damian Delune, currently incarcerated in the east coast of the United States. My wife @demeterdelune transcribes my words via phone calls, handwritten letters, and e-messages. If you would like to help support our communication you can tip me here or donate via Kofi at any time. Unfortunately, communication within prisons is extremely expensive. Thank you so much for reading.
