The moment I Became A Mother

Ever since I was a little girl, I always had this feeling in me that it is very important to be a good mother. I always thought that the most important job in the world was to be a mother. Struggling through my childhood, parents separated, having a stepfather and stepmother, and an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I made a vow to myself that I would make every effort possible to assure that my children would not feel the intense heartache I suffered as a child.

At the age of 20, I decided to settle down. My husband was 25 when he asked me to settle down and I said yes without hesitation. Like any other young couple who got married at a young age, we enjoy every moment that we have. It is as if we were just playing "bahay-bahayan." We were very eager to have a child right away. I guess that's what every couple dream about when they want to start a family. So every time my monthly period got delayed, I have an assumption that I am expecting. But every time, I get disappointed. So I told myself to be patient, everything has it's own time.

After a year, I started to worry about why I am not getting pregnant. I had so many thoughts in my mind like, "Is something wrong with me? What if I am barren, can't have a child, what if my husband is barren?" All those thoughts occurred in my mind. My husband told me not to worry, maybe it's not our time to have a baby yet. We never tried to consult a doctor at that time, I don't know, maybe because we were afraid about what the results will be. So we just focused on our work. I work at a factory while my husband was an electrician in a company in Makati at that time.

Another year had passed, I am still working at a factory. Everybody knows how hard to work in a factory, the overtimes, night shifts, and sometimes overnight. One time, my period got delayed again, but I did not pay attention to it because maybe it's just one of those days. I don't want to be disappointed so I just ignored it. But I began to notice some changes in my body. And began to crave particular foods. I remember telling my husband to buy mangoes or anything sour before going home, and I also crave for "tuyo and ginataang kamoteng kahoy." But I still ignore the fact that I might be pregnant.

After 2 months of not having my period, that's when I decided to take a pregnancy test. I remember I was so anxious while waiting for the result at that time. I keep saying, " two lines, two lines, please be two lines", while biting my fingernails. And when I got a positive result, I burst into tears and I was shivering in excitement and happiness, hahaha! I immediately called my husband and told him to be home early. When he got home, I showed him the test kit and he was so happy seeing the result. He hugged me and showered me with kisses. We were so happy at that time, it was the best gift we had for our anniversary. After that, my husband told me to quit my job for the safety of me and my baby in my tummy.

The first trimester of pregnancy became so hard for me. I had morning sickness, I hate the smell of pork sinigang, I don't want to eat meat. I hate eggs, just even hearing the word egg made me threw up like crazy. I don't want to see sunlight, I feel like I am going to melt. I hate going out, I just want to lay in bed. I hate the smell of sauteed garlic. But I like "tuyo", fried fish. I also crave for " ube halaya" and banana. I remember losing weight at that time.

But after my first trimester, everything's back to normal. I don't have morning sickness anymore, I can eat anything but still no eggs. And I began to gain weight. I remember how big my tummy was at that time so I thought I was having a twin baby, and the possibility of having a twin excites me.

In my 8th month, I had an ultrasound. I was so happy when my ob gyne told me that my baby is a girl. I always wanted a baby girl. And then the first time hearing her heartbeat made me cry, realizing that I have a living little human in my tummy. I remember my husband asked our ob gyne if our baby has complete arms, feet. The doctor told us not to worry because our little angel is very healthy.

January 4, 2003, when I began to feel pain in my tummy, in short, labor. It was an awful feeling. It felt like you had to dump but it's not. It felt like someone is squeezing my tummy. I feel pain in my hips. My husband was panicking at that time, so I called my tita to come to my house. She wanted to take me to the hospital but I refused. I told her that I think it's not my time to give birth yet, so she told me to stay in their house just in case I needed to be taken to the hospital. Their house is near the hospital.

January 5, 2003, I still feel the pain but it's tolerable. So I refused to be taken to the hospital. But on January 6, at that time I cannot endure the pain anymore, so I told my husband to take me to the hospital right away.

January 6, 2003, at 12:45 in the afternoon, I gave birth to a 6 lbs. beautiful baby girl. When the doctor showed me, my baby, I cried and said to myself, " I am now a mother." And it is the best feeling in the world.

Fast forward

Now, that beautiful baby girl was already 17 years old. She is our bundle of joy. I may not be a perfect mother, but seeing my daughter grew up kind, generous, soft-hearted, and an independent young woman made us (me and my husband) think that we did a great job as a parent. We love her so much and we will do anything for her to have a better future. She is our "unica hija."

***lead image from pinterest