Keep Going

Is the weather getting everyone down by this time? No? Oh, so it’s just me, I guess. I hope y’all are doing just fine despite the unstable weather, friends!

These days, I can literally feel time slipping through my fingers like nothing can ever stop it or even slow it down. The clock strikes super fast but I feel like I haven’t done anything productive at all. I always feel like I’m not doing enough for my future even after realizing that I haven’t stepped outside the apartment for a few weeks now just to focus on earning and avoid unnecessary spending. I even think that my roommates are already sick of hearing me complain about how painful my back is and how much I want to shut up for a month after 8 hours of talking online every single day. Despite that, I can still hardly satisfy my self with what I’ve accomplished. Hard days like these make me wanna question myself about what I am doing all of this for. But the answers are never too far. The harder the situations get, the more I am reminded that I deserve a comfortable life.

I remember one time, I was having a late night drive with someone when I suddenly felt the urge to ask him “Do you think you’d still be happy if you already have everything in life: wealth, fame, name it. If you are soooo rich to the point where you can afford every single thing you want, what else do you think would make you happy?”
He answered, “Giving.” I was too stunned to answer back because as shameful as it can be, I HAVEN’T THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.

Last night, I sent one of my girl friends a random -how are you doing?- message just to check on her. She told me that she’s barely making it through the month. She badly wanted to enroll but her father needs her for his insulin maintenance as he’s suffering from diabetes. She’s setting aside the thought of wanting a degree just so she can provide what her father needs. She cut our conversation because it was already past 4 and she did not want to continue sobbing as we chatted.

These conversations made me realize that we are all hustling for a reason and that we are doing JUST FINE AS LONG AS WE’RE DOING OUR BEST! I felt like I need some introspection for me to process things more clearly. Maybe things were too exhausting for me because I was mainly focusing on myself and not on the rest of the people who need me. My parents deserve a comfortable life as much as I do. My family deserves the best things in life. Strangers are badly longing for little amount of help from another stranger too. That should keep me going.

That’s about it amigos! Thank you for taking the time to read. I hope y’all keep going! Take care!